I will try to make this as short as possible. She’s my first (and i hope the last) girlfriend ever. Lets call her Dany. She’s also my first kiss and the first girl I ever went on multiple dates with. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me and since I met her my life has become a lot better and filled with joy.The only thing that I do not like about her is that she never tells me if I do something wrong until it becomes a serious issue.
For example: yesterday we talked about our previous crushes, dates, etc. As I stated previously I never had a first kiss neither had I been in a relationship. I had one “crush” (lets call her Annie) in the elementary school for like 6 years (from 6-12 years old – I started elementary a bit early). I wrote “crush” because it was just a forced sympathy towards someone because I thought you had to like someone in order to be a normal child. When I realized I didn’t have to have a crush, my “connection” with her disappeared. We are kind of friends to this day but I would call her an acquaintance since we see each other only at birthday parties of our mutual friends and don’t even talk except “Hi”. I told my girlfriend about Annie and she got frustrated and looked at me like I cheated on her or something similar. Dany said: “Man you still talk to your crush of 6 years wtf?” I then proceeded to explain her everything I wrote above: I was never in love with her, I never kissed her, we were never together, and we don’t communicate to this day. I then asked her if we were fine and if she needed more explanation on this topic and she replied that we were fine and everything was okay. I then escorted her home and she was silent the whole way. I got a bad feeling in my stomach instantly but hoped for the best.
This morning I woke up to a good morning text, everything was ok, and I sighed with relief. I answered to all the messages and hoped everything was fine. However, she just told me that she is not in the right mood to answer my messages and that she will play something on her laptop so I don’t have to worry if she doesn’t text me. I then told her to enjoy the game and to text me every once in a while just so I’m sure she’s ok. I also apologized if I did anything wrong and told her I love her. Dany replied later that I didn’t do anything wrong etc.
I still have the bad feeling in my stomach tho. I don’t feel like this is something she should be mad about, especially cause I’m an extremely loyal person in every aspect of life. When I met Dany, I stopped talking to all the female friends I had, I deleted all pictures of my female friends so she doesn’t have to worry ever. I make sure to remind her how much I love her on daily basis and how much she means to me.
I’m sorry for any mistakes in the text, english isn’t my native language. I need some advice and opinions on this, everything is welcome.
TL;DR – I feel like my girlfriend is mad at me because of my crush from 6 years ago even if I don’t feel anything towards her.
8 comments
Stop overthinking. You were 12.
>When I met Dany, I stopped talking to all the female friends I had, I deleted all pictures of my female friends so she doesn’t have to worry ever.
That’s pretty sad and alarmingly controlling if she wanted you to do that.
>(and i hope the last)
You’re 17. You don’t know it now but the next 10 years your life will go through massive change after massive change. In fact, change will often be the only constant in your life.
Live your life as you choose, and try not to worry overmuch.
If she’s truly that upset about a crush you had in elementary school, then your girlfriend has some growing up to do. I know you guys are still 17, but even at that age, kinda weird she’d be upset about a girl from elementary.
All you can really do is give her time to come around. I highly doubt she’ll dump you over this, really do, but in the slight chance she does, you may have dodged a bullet. It’d be immature on her part. Also not communicating her feelings isn’t great. If you guys stay together long term, you’ll have to try to work with her on getting her feelings out as they happen and not bottling them up.
Also, for future reference, don’t bring up exes lol. Don’t ask me why but some ALWAYS get some kinda negative feelings hearing about their partners good times with exes. Sounds silly, but just remember this for the rest of your life: don’t talk about your exes. If she asks, say some details but play it off as if it was meh. Don’t talk about how much fun you had with them or current partner will feel like they’re competing with those memories somehow. As a grown woman with many female friends, TRUST ME on this one.
It kind of sounds like Dany went fishing for an excuse to be upset, and didn’t find a good one, so she made one out of what you gave her. Maybe she had some ulterior motive, or maybe she’s just not mature enough yet to be in a serious relationship.
This girl is insecure. Only getting older might help (if you’re lucky)
She is just jealous about something that she has no right to be jealous over… she’s maturely taking space so she doesn’t take out her jealousy on you… you need to stop worrying that you’ve done anything wrong here
She needs to trust you and vice versa.
Neither of you should be cutting any contacts as this is highly toxic.
It’s more than a little unfair of her to get worked up over a “crush” (that wasn’t even a real crush) you had 6 years ago, when you were 12 years old. Probably she heard “I had a crush” and “I still talk to her occasionally”, spun an entire jealous fantasy out of that in seconds, then clung to it despite all evidence to the contrary. She was probably thinking “he still has a crush on her, and would cheat / did cheat / is cheating on me with her”. She had an obviously unreasonable emotional reaction in the moment, which jives with some other problematic attitudes she’s displayed on this subject, and which you’ve apparently bought into. Mutually erasing all your opposite-gender friendships isn’t respectful or romantic, it’s unhealthy and toxic.
In fairness to her, though, you guys are 17, and this is the type of thing that tends to happen in teenage relationships. A person’s first relationships are all about learning how to have a healthy relationship—how to communicate, how to compromise, how to not be unreasonably controlling or paranoid… in short, how to be a good partner. Some people learn these lessons well and grow into excellent partners with time and experience. Some can’t or won’t do that, and leave a long trail of broken, unsatisfying, toxic relationships in their wake. That’s why it’s usually not a good idea to think about your first high school relationship as permanent, or that person as “the one”. Marriages do come about this way, but they are oftentimes not happy or successful ones. You both have a lot of growing left to do, so try to keep things in perspective.
Based on what you’ve written here, it also does sound like Dany might already be over it and you should just drop the subject and move on. If she keeps making an issue out of it, emphasize the fact that you’re barely even an acquaintance with Annie at this point and that you aren’t interested in her at all. And if it still goes on, consider if this is really the relationship you want to be in, or if it might be best to chalk this up to a teenage learning experience and find someone who’s less jealous and immature. Or don’t—there will be plenty of time to date in different circumstances as a young adult.
it sounds like she came around a little and knows you didn’t really say anything wrong, she might just need some time n space to process to avoid more conflict until she’s feeling better about the situation