I’ve been quiet/reserved/shy/introverted my whole life. I’ve struggled to make friends throughout high school and college, but that didn’t keep me from getting my degree and seeking a career.
I’ve worked in a corporate job for 5 years now. I’m very competent at my job, I work really hard and I always get positive feedback from my superiors. However, since I’m not sociable, I tend to avoid personal conversations with coworkers – I’d rather focus on getting my work done as efficiently as possible.
I’ve seen employees who I know are not very bright get promoted to leadership positions just because they are better at interacting with people. I really hate this aspect of the corporate world, it seems like most of the time people are rewarded for being likable/sociable, even if their technical skills are mediocre.
In fact, I feel like I’m even more competent than my current boss (I’ve seen them struggle with very simple technical stuff). However, my limited social skills make it seem unlikely that I’ll ever attain a higher-ranking role. I honestly think I’ll be stuck in this position forever if I don’t change… I’ve actually tried to be more social at work but it just felt awkward and fake. Does anyone relate to this? Are there companies out there that truly reward and value competence?
7 comments
Unfortunately, the workplace isn’t a meritocracy, and the social component is a huge part of that. And your career is cumulative, so falling behind the less competent but more charming crowd will only compound. Skills coaching or counseling might be a good investment for you.
The world is a big popularity contest. Even academia has some elements of this. If there’s any industry that doesn’t work like that, I’d love moving there.
I’d like to offer a filter that might help you- I feel we come from a similar sentiment when it comes to dealing with coworkers and your leadership.
At the end of the day the filter I put everything I do at work to the test with is this- “Does this make my coworkers lives better or worst.”
When I talk to my manager I make sure everything I say is either a neutral or a net positive to my manager- pretty easy since I can do my job well. Outside of that any conversation we have it will either be a story they’ll enjoy hearing, a joke they’ll enjoy laughing at, or just listening while they talk about something on their mind. If I have a question, I’ll explain why its good for *them* why I’m asking the question.
It takes a little time to enact- but trust me it works wonders- I never speak ill of my coworkers, never complain about the work, and have not had a single issue with coworkers or management.
Each week I get praise from my manager, and been with the company for 2 years and earned 3 promotions.
Its a valuable filter to ask yourself in whatever social situation you may find yourself in- I promise you.
Always add positive value.
I think I found a problem: ” I tend to avoid personal conversations with coworkers – I’d rather focus on getting my work done as efficiently as possible.” I think job world or even world is focused on being extravert, where not talking or being silent is negative term, and where small talk is good viewed. I want to say that you can try do a simple small talk, Im not sure if you usually dont talked, you were invisible, while your coworker who might have less experince but is talkative – he/she is more popular? And if the someone gonna get promoted, the louder one is more visible. Dunno.
Well I’ll tell ya one thing, shy/introvert has the effects you list but at least it’s not as bad as socializing anyway with poor impulse control. That’s definitely worse
Social skills effect EVERY part of your life and will hold you back in every aspect if you don’t learn to get better at it. Fortunately, like everything, you can learn to be better at it, and you tend to enjoy the things you are good at.
We’ve got to learn to “play” the game of life, and this a very important part of life
Well, just being smart and hardworking doesn’t necessarily mean you’d be a good leader. I’d recommend to give compliments often and build good relations with other workers.