For about a year or so i have been hanging out and chatting with a group of my best friends classmates and friends. Today we got together with about 13 people and it clicked to me that i was practically the odd one out: they were so good with each other, they all fit in like pieces in a puzzle and i was the piece from another set. I was comfortable hanging out with my friend and one or two others and we had a lot of fun, just walking around and talking. But in a bigger group i did not fit in anymore: i wasnt able to find things to talk about with others or add anything to their conversations; my friend was the one in charge of buying the tickets for the event we were at and everyone else would pay him back later. When the event ended, the others lingered around while i and one other left rather quickly. I offered them some snacks and after walking a bit, i realized they thought i was with the bigger group and then asked how to get back. I showed them the way and then rushed away. The whole event and all the time with the big group before and after it i felt alone, like an outsider or a bystander and it has happened before.
Tl;dr: i was hanging out with my friend’s friends for some time and feel good when with them individually but uncomfortable and isolated when with the bigger gang.
If this isnt the place for this post, please show me the correct place.
3 comments
Iam assuming you’re still young and hence concerned with this feeling. Let me tell you it’s very normal in fact it’s rather healthy to fell isolated in a big group of people. You connect one on one with a friend because intimate (not necessarily sexual but in regards to closeness) friends accept you as a whole person on your good days and bad days, your dreams and fears, etc. Large groups typically operate on conformity to Popular culture values held by the group, and Popularism denies individual expression. Aim to have a selection of individual very good friends with different interest and you will never need nor care for the validation of a big group. Never for get you are the bestest friend you will ever need, and even just one close friend is worth 100 acquaintances.
Sometimes friends come into your life only for a short while if he prefers to spend time in the larger group I would suggest his need for validation is higher than yours, move on and seek out others who share your interest. Move beyond school friends, try other groups anything in the Arts (local music, theatre groups, book clubs, arts classes/exhibitions ) volunteer in your community, find your tribe and remember just as you grow as a person you will sometimes outgrow certain friends and that’s fine.
I’m the exact same way, I always can have conversations with small groups of two to three people but in bigger groups I’m lost, no one turns and talks to me or seams to even think to talk to me. And them I’m left not knowing who to talk to or what to say to anyone. I suck at making conversation and I always rush away as soon as I can when in big groups of people. Sometimes I think they are all talking shit about me to. It’s awful.