Backstory: My ex-girlfriend and I just ended a 3 year relationship. We have had a handful of breakups throughout the years, usually always because her way of dealing with issues was saying “I don’t want to do this anymore” or “I want to be alone.” When she first started doing this, I would accept her decision and then she would play manipulative games to reel me back in. I quickly learned that this is just what she does… so anytime she did this, I would just wait around and push for a solution. Most of the time it would only be a couple of days and rarely a week, with the longest time apart being 2 weeks earlier this year. There came a point where she stopped trying to reel me back in, and I would always be the one to reach out. Safe to say it wasn’t a healthy relationship but to be honest, aside from these arguments, the good did outweigh the bad.
October: At the beginning of October she ended the relationship again. We were in a good spot before this but this time she was apparently done for good but I didn’t know this. I’m so used to pushing for a solution and things working out, but she wasn’t changing her mind. I pushed for a solution for 10 days straight– nothing changed and this only pushed her further away. We went 2 weeks of no contact and then I reached out for a conversation, hopeful that we could fix things after letting things cool down. We had a friendly conversation but ultimately, she seemed dead set. We ended up leaving things off on a good note but she made it clear that she was done.
Present Day: Today I (stupidly) decided to reach out for another conversation. Because I’m so used to her pulling this kind of BS, I kept pushing for a conversation to explain what we needed to do to fix this once and for all. This was met with absolute certainty that she wasn’t changing her mind. It got to the point where she stopped answering completely and I made myself look like a fool. I sent her an apology text afterwards, but now I feel like there’s no chance of us ever fixing this.
Summary: My ex-girlfriend has “fake” broken up with me so many times throughout the last 3 years that I became obsessed with pushing for solutions to work through things. We always worked through things, until we didn’t. Even after all of this, I genuinely love her and want a future with her. The majority of the time we spent together we were in a good place. I have always been optimistic about our future together but she says she no longer sees a future. I have always believed we were going to work through this and be done with all these BS games… but it now it seems too late and I don’t know how to accept that this is really the end. I plan on never reaching out again… but do you think there is any chance of her reaching out in the future?
4 comments
Time to move on. Start with therapy to discover why you’ve tolerated an unhealthy relationship for so long.
It sounds like it’s over right now.
It’s rough, buddy. But you’ll get over it.
You ruined absolutely nothing, this relationship is a complete disaster. It’s not normal to breakup over and over. I’m so sorry, but are you happy? Is this a fun way to live, constantly being broken up with?
You don’t want this person back. I know you think you do because you’re attached and you’re comfortable. Breakups are so hard. But this isn’t going to be a positive relationship. The only future you’re ruining is your own if you get back with someone that has such little respect for you.
You really should take this breakup seriously and cut her out completely. It will hurt but I promise you, you’ll find someone that would never dream of breaking up with you, that loves and appreciates you, and you’ll be so happy that things didn’t work out with your ex.
Dude, the only healthy way to move on from this toxic relationship is to block her everywhere, if you don’t you’re just another social media statistic