I’ve been seeing a girl for about three months now. She’s great; smart, funny, and challenges me intellectually.
We typically spend the night together, I go to her place and we chat for a few hours, enjoy each other’s company, etc. We’ve had a few ‘real’ date nights where we do fun activities together and we’ll get coffee together in the mornings.
In the first few weeks of knowing each other, we almost always would kiss intensely and would get really close to sleeping together but she would shrug off, and say that she didn’t want to get too attached because she doesn’t know what she wants.
Time moved by and she took a long vacation, came back and wants to see what could come from this. She’s still unsure of what she wants, but now we don’t kiss as intensely and she seems to be completely closed off from the possibility of sleeping together in the near future. We’ve had a discussion about it, and she said she doesn’t feel secure about her body and that’s the reason she won’t have sex with me.
I want to be clear that I’ve never pressured her into sleeping with me, I never throw a tantrum when she’s turned me down, and I don’t bring up the idea of sleeping together more than once a month. I’m trying to give her space to pursue me in the case that she changes her mind, but at this point I’m not very sure on what to do.
Part of me wants to remove myself from the situation which would suck because I really like her, and another part of me wants to just allow myself to see other women if I need to sleep around. I know the latter wouldn’t make her feel any way, she’s suggested it before (but I never really know if this is a good idea as I only like to sleep with people I’m very interested in). I’m curious what other alternatives could be explored as this is starting to get on my nerves and the last thing I want is to make her feel uncomfortable when she turns me down on the topic of sleeping together.
3 comments
Welcome to what it’s like to be a man. Jk
It doesn’t sound like your attitudes to sex are aligned at all, and personally, I find these issues tend to grow bigger over time rather than going away. The obvious thing to do is to talk to her and help her understand this is a make or break issue for you. Give her a chance to explain how she really feels.
Depending on how that conversation goes, and how important sex is to you (no shame), you may have to walk away.
She is 27 correct? By any logic she is not a virgin. Do you know her body count? How many guys she has dated and slept with. Is she religious? Does she have any STDs? Not knowing her history and past makes figuring the future difficult. Break in to questions above by asking a lot about her future plans: family, career, children etc.