I need advice
Ok so i have no one irl to go to about this but here it goes. I’ve (21f) been in a relationship for a while with my partner (22m). 3.5 years to be exact. We’re both in our early 20s and are back in college. We dont live together, we live about a 2 hour bus ride away from each other and dont have much time to see each other aside from once every 1-2 weeks.
My partner and i do love each other very much. They are very sweet and caring towards me and is always there to talk, and im always there to talk to them. Theres just one problem though. Aside from when we go away together once or twice a year, we dont ever have sex outside of that. Not that we can do much anyway since we still both still live with our parents. But we dont really talk about it much either.
Ive slowly noticed as well that im always the one who initiates sex talk and/or sex. I cant really remember the last time they called me pretty or beautiful unprompted. I am overweight but i have stayed within the same weight range throughout our entire relationship so i dont think it could be that. If i ever send a sexy picture to them they’ll say it looks nice and will leave it at that.
They are normally a very shy person so it could be down to that. Im normally a bit of a shy person too, but i love sex, cuddling, kisses, hugs, smooth talking. All of it. I love all the little gestures they do like handmade gifts on special occasions, remembering what i like and my interests, and just being there when i need someone to listen and vice versa. But i would also love them to be as passionate about this as i am. I want them to tell me to my face how much they love me. How much they want me. I want them to initiate sex and/or sex talk. It doesnt even have to be everyday. Even just every now and again for a nice night out. How do i go about bringing this up with them and finding a solution?
TL;DR: My partner of 3.5 years doesnt initiate sex or really talk about it unprompted, i always bring it up first. Need advice on how to fix it.
1 comment
I would start with explaining that you need to talk about something and stress that you’re not attacking them in anyway. Explain that you love all of the things that they do for you (mention the specifics like the handmade gifts and remembering your interests) but that you feel that the sexual energy between the two of you has been a bit of an afterthought. Ask if they agree? Ask if they have a lower sex drive than you and stress that it’s OK if they do but that you just need to know.
I mean, just open up a dialogue about it. Be honest. They could be feeling the same way as you. They could just be shy where the subject is concerned. Once you’ve had the conversation, you can work out a course of action that’s going to work for both of you. Maybe see a sex therapist if your energies aren’t aligned because that might help you find some common ground.