Edit: he just texted me lol
2nd edit: I’m not going to meet him again – I leave soon and if I’m crying on Reddit now, I’ll be sobbing in my soup next week
I’m a grown woman so I should be very embarrassed to write this because I’ve been through 1 million guys (edit: 1 million crushes, not lovers) in my lifetime, but this one has me pretty feeling dumb as hell (that or I am still just dickmatized)
Travelling in a foreign country I met someone who I hit it off with on an app, we ended up going out for dinner and became fast friends. Great conversation, mutual obscure interests, shared politics etc. We were both like “who are you? How did I meet you?” The sparks were physical and intellectual, no doubt.
Obviously we had sex and it was amazing and he stuck around for like 20 hours doing all the romantic kind of things like cuddling, staring into my eyes etc, talking about future hopes and dreams…
Obviously, I am writing because I never saw him again. Which is standard for hook ups I know, but this felt different
I didn’t hear from him so I reached out after a few days just to say what a wonderful time I had, and it would be cool to see him before I leave.
Took a day to respond, saying that he loved our connection and felt lucky to spend that time with me, that he was happy I felt the same way. Thennnnn he said he was busy and didn’t make an attempt to see me again despite me making it clear again that I hope to see him before I leave.
Am I really this stupid and he just played me ? and instead of ghosting or telling me he’s not interested, he said some sweet words he didn’t mean so I didn’t feel used?
I understand that women release hormones that make us fond after sex but I’m really starting to doubt my gut instincts because I really believed something was brewing there, and I don’t usually catch feelings after a hook up.
I suppose my question is, if he wasn’t lying about the connection, why isn’t he coming back for more? Most guys I’ve had this kind of connection with after a hook up we continued to hook up at least a few times, or ended up dating
Flame me for sure, but be a little gentle bc I’m feeling soft rn
It looks like I am no longer cut out for hook ups!
Thank you 🙏
20 comments
He is talking to his new hookup material
I sympathize with you. However actions speak louder than words and you may never get an answer to your questions. So you can only focus on you. What was it about him? What chord did he strike, was it validation, did he make you feel seen. Not saying he is one, but players are well versed in making women feel that way. He could have a girlfriend/wife. Reading this you’re probably feeling rejected but don’t be, and don’t let this ruin your travels! If nothing else hold on to the good times as a sweet memory but don’t let those memories build him up in your head, he hasn’t earned that right.
How far away do you live from where you were traveling? He may have been faking the connection a bit to enjoy that moment he had with you more, or he may have been put off by the distance and decided not to see you again because he didn’t want to get involved in a LDR.
I’d say decide on a reason that makes you feel OK, since you’ll never know the real reason, and keep it as a good memory of a very short-term connection.
“because I’ve been through 1 million guys in my lifetime”
That would cause me to move on from a hookup. Just sayin.
Yes, he was politely rejecting your request for more sex. It felt different because he knew how to make sure you had a good time. Welcome to the world of romantic, foreign lovers. Don’t know you feel used when it was a consensual hookup and you know you’re leaving his country. Appreciate the time you shared with him and let the bruised ego heal.
You’re visiting a different country, are you expecting to find love? Foreigners are easy to pick up since they don’t know the culture
You been through a million guys but can’t fathom why a guy might not come back to you?
It was a hookup. What does it matter that he didn’t want to hookup one more time?
I’m guessing it was better for you than it was for him.
Until he sees you as wifey material, he’s gonna treat you like a hookup.
Sounds like how he felt about the hookup is not the same way you felt. Just because it was amazing for you doesn’t mean it was for him. Men say all kinds of stuff to get in your pants. If you actually like a guy don’t jump into bed with him if you want a future with him. Sounds like you got love bombed and he got what he wanted.
Update. He just texted me 😁
Looks like he sensed that you were getting invested in him and he wasn’t ready for that.
At least he didn’t drop you like a hot potato, after sex, that is. His mom must of taught him some manners. But still a wham! Bam. Thank you ma’m
adickted
Reasons: I wasn’t all that attracted to the person, just horny
Or maybe you enjoyed the sex but I didn’t and lied to make you feel better?
I can’t think of any other reasons tbh because if the sex is AMAZING, the person would be begging for another meeting no matter what
Just typing out my thoughts btw sorry if this makes no sense !
I’ve had that, when 12,000 km from home. Sometimes you just have an amazing moment with someone and it was a one time thing. I’ve met guys who tell me their methods and pretence of how they get girls to sleep with them. I don’t do that, I only want a genuine connection and something that goes naturally. I despise the idea of conning a girl. Even when I can see that I could manipulate a girl into sleeping with me, I don’t. But those kind of guys tell me because they think I’m with them.
I hate to say so, but I have had ‘special times’ with a girl and not want to see her again. Because I had better options. To me, it sounds like your experience would be one I’d follow up. One girl I spent 2 weeks with, while that far from home, I visited her in her country and had her to mine.
Doing this while travelling is very intense and you get connected quickly. Much more so than at home.
For some reasons, as a guy, when you’re alone you can’t can’t find a girl to spend time with you, but when you have attention from one, then another one wants to see you too, then there’s 2 more. Feast or famine. At the end of the day, you can only get with one, unless you’re a cheater.
That’s just a bit of my view as a guy who may have been on the other side, but doesn’t try to con a girl. Plenty of guys are outright trying to con you, I know because they tell me. I’ll probably delete a sentence because it’s bound to get down voted even though it’s just something that actually happened in the past.
Ur an oblivious person with rose colored lenses.
U are stupid. I told women so many times, not TO HAVE A HOOK UP but nobody listens, so u deserve what u feel. Just don’t do it next time. Hook ups do not benefit women at all.
Je could very well have felt the same connection but not wanted to get involved in a long distance relationship.
Yes sis you got played.
There’s nothing causal about sex no matter what this stupid society of ours thinks. What’s casual about forming a soul tie, creating a baby, or catching an std? I’ll wait….
You’re one of the few women I’ve seen on here own up to what they did was kind of stupid. But good news is you can learn from this and move on and choose who you want to give your body to wisely the next time around.