Sorry if this is long and messy.
I (F19) got together with my bf (M20) a bit over two months ago. We met in college. He was my first everything, and he’s overall just a wonderful guy and partner that makes me feel loved, beautiful and incredibly safe.
First of all—I have never experienced an orgasm. Not by myself, not with other people, never. I knew this was an issue going into the relationship and I’ve communicated this with him multiple times. Because of this, I didn’t have very high expectations from penetrative sex, especially since I know many women struggle to feel much during it.
Our sex life is pretty decent, we have sex at least once a day, and it is an incredible experience mentally and emotionally—the bond I feel with my partner, the experience of making him come, the cuddling and kissing afterwards. It’s amazing.
Physically, though, it’s confusing. Sometimes it feels nice, sometimes I barely feel anything, sometimes it hurts. And the worst thing is, there isn’t really a system to any of these experiences—we do the same positions most of the time, and the same things that hurt on one day feel good on another.
Up until recently, I didn’t experience any overwhelmingly good sensations during the act. Recently though, I’ve realised that the times when I’m on top of him (cowgirl) as he’s about to finish and he grabs me tight and starts going hard and fast, it can feel really, really good. Again, not every time (so confusing!), but it can. And yesterday, I think he might have gotten to my g-spot while doing this, and I got to experience a glimpse of what sex could feel like. If that feeling persisted, I could genuinely imagine myself reaching an orgasm through penetration. It was amazing, we both got very excited, especially him since he’s been sad about not making me come and was happy to see some progress (his ex used to have at least 3 orgasms per session).
We tried the same position today—nothing. I was feeling close to something starting to feel good, but it never quite got there. Both of us were disappointed, him more than me even.
I’m worried that this might mean that my bf simply can’t reach my g-spot easily because of his size. He’s not small by any means—he’s around 16-17cm (around 6.5in?) I believe—but there must be a reason why the only times I feel really good are on top with him going as hard and deep as he can. The rest of the time it either feels “nice” or I barely feel him at all, occasionally feeling very good for some reason. I was fine with this before, but now that I’ve realised what sex **could** feel like I struggle to be happy with how it is.
I want to make my sex life with this person as pleasurable as possible. I understand that we’re still in the early stages of our relationship, and we haven’t experimented much, but I want to find some way to have a physically pleasurable experience even if my bf might be smaller than my body would prefer.
Does anyone have any advice? Any women who had a similar experience with partners not being as big as they’d prefer, but still managed to have a good time? And honestly any advice at all would be greatly appreciated
Feel free to ask any questions in the comments.
6 comments
So your BF Seems to have plenty of dick to work with honestly. Some girls just need something else and it’s completely normal and fine.. has he tried eating you out. I know for me this works most of the time with my partner. Keep trying different positions also. Keep in mind sex isn’t just PIV.
The g-spot isn’t very far in there, his size isn’t the issue. You should really think about exploring yourself alone, and figuring out what you like and what you find pleasurable. If you don’t know how to get yourself off, how is he supposed to figure it out?
I wouldn’t compare yourself to his ex that used to “have at least 3 orgasms per session” for several reasons. First, it’s mostly irrelevant. Her body isn’t yours. Some women cum more easily than others. Some cum for penetration, some don’t. Second, it’s very possible that he is lying about this or that she was lying about this.
The important thing for you to focus on is what is happening between the two of you. His size is fine. Your g spot is pretty right behind your clit, on the inside. It’s not very far in. Keep messing with different positions and angles. Use pillows to change the angle in a certain position. Explore your body by yourself to find what works for you so that you can guide him (and anybody else in the future).
Sounds like he actually has a relatively large dick, so I don’t think a bigger one is gonna help. Especially since the g spot is only like 2 inches in. You just gotta keep experimenting with angles and speed and stuff till you find something that consistently feels good
You can incorporate toys that are larger. No need to emphasize the size aspect, but see it as a way to experiment where he can more easily apply different angles, speed, etc
Get a dildo with a suction base, attach it to the ground/table/flat & hard chair and grind until you have a good technique. And grind on him.
6.5 inches is past the g-spot. You can feel the g-spot on yourself, you’ll feel it about your finger length (which I hope isn’t 6.5 inches long).
You may have felt him stimulate your cervix, that’s entirely possible. Its possible that was thrilling and sensitive, and can lead to a type of orgasm, cervical orgasms. And your cervix varies in depth a bit with your menstrual cycle.
Try a max depth position, here are a few:
* doggie with your ass up a lot, back arched (hit or miss)
* him sitting on a couch, but kinda slid down so his but is on the edge, and you coming down on his pelvis
* speaking of pelvis, they get in the way a bit… so try modified scissors: you on your side, one leg straight down on the bed, other up near your chest, he does normal missionary on top thrusting. he’ll need to sort of bring his pelvis into the valley of your pelvis, his hips will be forward of his shoulders for instance. this is max depth, and he can angle around and see if he can tickle your cervix that way (or a fornix)
I’m assuming its the cervix stim you felt, but could be something else. I guess get used to cervix stim and see if that’s it. Also he can use the dildo on you himself, and find the angles that best suit you.