I’ve been together with my girlfriend for about 4 years, we’ve been living together for the past 3. Things have generally been great. She’s a very loving, compassionate, thoughtful and kind partner. About 2.5 years ago she got into a big fight with one of my best friends girlfriends during a weekend trip at an Airbnb. Since then it has blown up to the point where she hates every single one of my friends girlfriends because they’re all clicked together (my gf being the newest of the girls). For context, I have an incredibly close group of friends. Half of them I met in elementary school and the other half I met in 7th or 8th grade. We’re all really close and still see each other a few times a month and talk in our group chat daily. All of their girlfriends are all pretty long term as well, most 5-8 years.
The problem is whenever I get invited to an event/gathering with my friends my girlfriend doesn’t want to go if so and so will be there and sometimes doesn’t want me to go either. Obviously this causes stress because I want her to be able to hang out with my friends and anytime I leave her to go hang out with everyone she makes me feel bad for leaving her home alone.
My friend is throwing a birthday party for his girlfriend this weekend and my girlfriend doesn’t want me to go because she thinks all the girls she doesn’t like will be there. She was invited but isn’t able to come because she has work that day (wouldn’t go regardless), however she still doesn’t want me to go. She’s upset because I told my friend I’ll be there even though she told me she didn’t want me to accept the invitation.
I’ve tried to get the girls to talk it out and make up but they’re all so stubborn. This is causing friction in my relationship and I thought over time it would get easier but it’s been years and we’re still having the same problem.
Am I wrong in accepting the invitation or should my girlfriend come to terms with the fact that these are my friends and if we’re going to be together she’s going to need to move past what happened years ago?
Tldr: GF doesn’t get along with my friends GF’s. Causes problems regularly when I hang around them.
5 comments
You both need to come up with a solution together. It’s been happening for years, and it’s not going to get better. You shouldn’t have to give up your friends, and she doesn’t have to spend time with them. But there has to be a working solution or you will have to choose your girlfriend or your friends, and that’s not fair.
Group counseling?
Honestly though, go back to the original problem. What happened on that trip with that one girl?
What was the original fight about? I feel like we need that context. I could see all of the other girls possibly ganging up against her after that one fight. But I could also see that not being the case. Has she fought with any of the other girlfriends?
I would ask your friends privately to ask their girlfriends why they don’t like her. If there are valid reasons, then your girlfriend has some bridges to rebuild.
I married into a group of about 7 college buddies and I’m not a fan of everyone’s gf and wives but we are cordial and I have never physically or verbally gotten in a fight with any of them.
If I had there would be no way I’d be around them.
In our group on for the wives has been with another wife(these two happened to marry cousin i the group so they are family regardless) and that wife chooses not to come to group events and just makes up excuses and her husband is fine with it. At the end if the day that wife doesn’t like her beef with the Cousin In Law affect the friend group and her husband can still socialize with his friends.