Hello everyone!
I would be grateful for your opinion, Redditors.
Today I’ve realised I have a huge mental block about human sexuality.
I am a 27 year old female with a good job and a small circle of friends. I’ve been always called “cute” but I have rarely been approached by men and most of them don’t find me sexy. Although I am fit and physically attractive, I am bad at flirting and I never give any sexual signals because it feels animalistic to me.
I am still a virgin and I start to think that the reason I’ve never been in any romantic relationship is because I am blocked sexually and men feel it and are not hooked enough to pursue me.
Sexuality frightens me – I even avoid films and songs that exploit it.
For some reason it feels dangerous to me.
I am definitely not asexual but in my mind the idea of having sex with someone seems like flying to Mars at this point.
I come from a liberal European country, my family is liberal and mocks religion, so why am I like this, people?😢
My life and the ideology in my head make me resemble a prudish nun more and more with each year.
16 comments
Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it’s urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why are you so sure you’re not asexual? Asexuality has a lot of different presentations. Do you feel sexual attraction to others? Do you fantasize about sexual acts with others? Do you ant to do them in real life, if so, or do you want them to remain as fantasies? What kind of danger do you perceive from sex—is it fear of pain or fear of pregnancy or….?
Did you have any negative experiences with men or sex, that you’re aware of? It doesn’t have to be anything obviously traumatic. It could be just a man who’s behavior made you very uncomfortable when you were little.
How was your relationship with your parents and their relationships with each other?
Have you tried exploring your sexuality with a nice patient guy and it didn’t go well or you haven’t tried? How severe does your anxiety get the closer things get to sex? Panic attack or “just not into it”?
I’m not convinced that men aren’t interested because they read your mind and know that there’s no sex to be had with you. I think you’re just a little insecure about this.
Have you tried talking to a therapist or a very close friend or family member about this? Did they have any insights?
im guessing either trauma or a-sexual. trauma can cause sexual difficulties even if its source was not sexual in nature. A-sexuality is experiencing less of and sometimes no sexual desires whatsoever. there is nothing wrong with having no interest in sex, and that’s coming from a hypersexual.
What does your therapist say?
Change is very frightening to the human race. It takes us out of our comfort zones and entities on you a whole new set of physical, mental and psychological, and sexual, intimacy states to deal with.
I have a little story for you. When Moses took the Israelites out of Egypt, heading towards the promised land., when they got into the desert, the whole nation of Israel turned to Moses and said, ” we would rather go back to Egypt and be slaves then to go someplace we don’t know.” That someplace was the promised land. That just goes to show you that change is hard and scary for everyone. May I ask a couple of questions? Do you masturbate? Is it the intimacy issue? I promise you if you’re intimate with each other, you’ll have a much better experience. I’m gonna take a guest here that you don’t have much of a personal life with yourself. Could it be you’re not comfortable in your own body and with your own sexuality? Masturbation is making love to the person you love most and if you don’t know what you want how are you going to tell him what you want? Lack of a good education at your age isn’t a good excuse any longer. I’m sorry darling it’s the truth, and I speak it with a great deal of empathy. A prudish nun? Maybe you’ve read one too many Victorian romance novels? Anyway, my advice is start on yourself and once you’re comfortable there, you could move forward in looking for a guy. Hell IDK! Lol.
r/ForeverAloneWomen
I’d say talk to a therapist about this
ask a therapist this question, not reddit
Just a thought, after reading some of your comment responses; You seem to be focussing on the things you don’t want or what you’re afraid of. Is there anything you do want, on sexual or just “intimate relational” related things? Like holding hands, cheek kissing, anything a couple would do before actually engaging into “bed activities”. What would you want from a relationship, if you were to enter one now. Focus on the positives.
If you figure that out, you’ll probably learn soon enough how far you’re willing to go with the right person.
The moment you name it as a taboo is the way to condition yourself to accept it. Everything seems to appear to us regarding on how we condition ourselves. Since you have not tried to be an animal, and did not work out for you as you were hoped to be. Why don’t you change the script and surprise yourself by playing a little animal? Human beings are also mammals. The way you separate yourself from nature by boxing you with a term is where you should start. There is no such thing as taboo, however, there are so many mind fucks. You are basically limiting your potential of living by blocking your truth. Sex is no different than drinking water or sleeping. It is a very basic activity and necessity to be mentally and physically balanced. Do not put yourself into notions. You can be whatever you want to be. Change your act, play the game different for once. You have got nothing to lose because you already have nothing. “ To define is to limit.” Oscar Wilde
With all due respect, go to therapy. It’s good for anyone/everyone, and you’ll get better clarity there, than you will on Reddit.
Seek therapy, probably something to do with feeling shame over sex and sexuality which is blocking the potential enjoyment/desire in you.
Try Hinge, really cute and nice guys are there, you just need the right guy who can guide you through becoming more confident with your sexual needs .
You might be asexual and/or neurodivergent. Welcome!
The way you are raised, and religion tend to be large factors. I know for me being raised strict Christian but also being a very sexual person by nature didn’t help.