I’m 24M, GF 24F. I don’t have loads of money ATM so we went out for our only meal out of the month today. On the way in, the resteraunt looks cool and has a cosy woodburner. My GF likes to take pics so goes to take a pic of the cosy area and a girl sitting there looks up and scowls (guessing she didn’t want to be in the pic).
We got shown to the table and my gf is going off, talking shit about the other girl, called her a fat bitch etc. I’m kinda saying this is our one meal out a month but she’s still mad. I’m trying to pick the mood up so we can have a good day but she’s still mad.
She tells me that she needs to feel her emotions and that I’m showing toxic positivity by trying to get her to move on from it too quickly and that she needs to be left to feel this stuff before bouncing back and continuing the good time but my opinion is why let something small like that effect our limited time out together? She was mad throughout the rest of the meal and refused to eat her food while I’m worked up thinking that her needing to feel these emotions has basically fucked my time out and that’s not cool.
Her telling me she needs to feel what she needs to feel and her feeling I haven’t allowed that to happen is a common theme in our relationship, whereas I just think why are you getting so mad over these small things. Id be much more understanding if it was something major but why not brush off the small shit right?
Currently sat in the car with her refusing to leave the resteraunt saying she wants someone else to drive her home instead. What do I do?
34 comments
“Currently sat in the car with her refusing to leave the resteraunt saying she wants someone else to drive her home instead. What do I do?”
Leave, she said what she wanted.
But something tells me she just says shit like this and expects you to read between the lines.
She sounds like she needs therapy. She is completely misunderstanding the whole “feel your feelings” thing, and cannot emotionally deal with a stranger giving a dirty look without letting it ruin her whole night and cause problems in her relationship.
That person had every right to give them a dirty look; she was being incredibly entitled and invasive. So she should be fucking prepared for that.
I do some public photography as well, sometimes random people get weirded out if it looks like they are in the frame since I just look like some dude taking pictures in weird places. Quite a few have given dirty looks.
Taking that personally is fucking insane.
Why is she still your girlfriend? If “feeling her feelings” means flying into a rage over someone who presumably came over to the cozy area to relax not wanting to be part of her photoshoot, it’s not “toxic positivity” to suggest that’s out of line and she should consider anger management.
The fact she’s doubling down on her right to be verbally abusive if that’s what she feels the moment calls for, while simultaneously demanding you not say anything in response means you need to just go. Feel free to leave a note or even text to let her know; I don’t think subjecting yourself to a conversation about it is a good idea.
Omg bro like leave her there and say goodbye
Drive away and block her number.
I mean if she doesn’t want you to drive her you leave. I’d suggest someplace far, far away from the crazy!
Wave good bye and block her, she can feel some more emotions. What an immature retch! How dare she think everyone wants to be in her picture. Where did you find her so we all can avoid the place!
Leave
She sounds awful.
Don’t waste another penny or minute on this person.
How long have you been together? Generally, people who are like this don’t change. It’s worth asking yourself if you want to spend a lifetime being exhausted by constantly trying to stop your partner from getting caught up in petty nonsense, or if you want to find someone who’s more on the same wavelength as you.
She is a headache.
Drive home? Leave this drama queen. She doesn’t want a boyfriend, she wants an emotional punching bag
let your adult baby girlfriend find a ride home, and then dump her
She doesn’t sound mentally balanced and it is having an effect on you. Consider your emotional and mental well-being and figure out if all this stress and annoyance is worth it. I highly doubt it is. Go find someone who is pleasant to be around and that you can have a good time with, rather than stressing out.
Leave her the fuck there and let her feel her emotions.
She needs to realize that not everyone will like her lol. She can’t fight or talk shit about every single person that will give her a dirty look. She should know this by now at 24
“Toxic positivity?”
Wtf is that?
Drive home, it’s now her problem to find someone else to drive her home. Next month, take someone else out (doesn’t need to be a woman – a good friend, whatever) for your 1x per month outing. Tell her that she’s not letting you feel what you need to feel.
In short, this sounds unpleasant, why are you with her?
You leave. That’s what she wants, that’s what she gets.
>She tells me that she needs to feel her emotions and that I’m showing toxic positivity by trying to get her to move on from it too quickly and that she needs to be left to feel this stuff before bouncing back and continuing the good time
Jesus. Christ. This woman sounds insufferable. I don’t know how you continued the date long enough to even get your food.
She’s a big baby
She sounds insufferable.
Absolutely no recognition that the girl has a right to feel aggrieved at random people taking pictures with her in.
Ridiculous human being.
You leave her ass there to find another ride home. Then just block her and go about your life.
leave her toxic self there. Someone should have kicked her out.
go sit with the girl who didn’t want her pic taken
Yeah she’s using the feel your feelings shit totally wrong. Because feeling your feelings in one thing, but you’re still responsible for your actions.
OP, you’re dating one of those people who take perfectly valuable therapy speak and use them against other people.
She is not able to move on from a slight inconvenience, she uses therapy speak against you, and blows up over nothing. Imagine how insufferable she is when she has an actual problem.
Also, she only cares about her own little feelings, not about yours. She’s willing to let tiny things ruin and escalate a whole evening.
Buddy, you deserve better than this drama llama.
Ok that’s actually insane. Girl just wants to be nasty to be nasty, I don’t see why that would be a normal response at all especially if the girl didn’t do anything wrong. I wouldn’t want someone to take an off guard pic of me ESPECIALLY a stranger. So it’s understandable the girl made a face. What’s NOT understandable is your gf acting as such. It’s very alarming and a huge red flag.
let someone else drive her home. Hopefully, you don’t live with this person who clearly is not an adult.
Getting this mad and wanting to hold onto it is not a person you should want to have a long term relationship with. Don’t you see that her behavior won’t change unless she gets some therapy?
Why would you want to stay with someone who just can’t let things go? Move on.
Bro leave her. Stevie Wonder would have seen them red flags
Toxic positivity is a real thing but this isn’t it.
You’re 24 with life in front of you … Why do you put up with bs like that?
There’s women out there with better attitude and behaviour than her. Move accordingly and choose the right woman for you.
She sounds exhausting.
This is my first time hearing the phrase “toxic positivity”
Honestly, the “I need to feel my feelings” thing hits too close to home. This is selfish behavior. She is putting her processing of emotions above everyone else in this scenario.
There’s toxic positivity but there’s also “quit that shit you’re ruining it for us both” over stupid shit
Let her feel her feelings there while you go home, get a couple of beers, and adopt a cat. A cat may think you are a filthy peasant they allow to worship the ground they walk on and scoop their poop, but its better than dealing with Negative Nancy’s sh*t. Oh also cats are fluffy and cute, and they don’t make complaints about randos in their IG pics. Your cat will be infinitely more appreciative of your date nights with them.
I used to be that way. I was a very angry person in general and little things used to set me off. I was offended easily, angered easily and could not regulate myself once I was triggered. It just got worse became a vicious cycle. I had no self control.
Only thing that I can say helped me was realize I hadn’t gotten over a lot of trauma in my life and anytime I was triggered my emotions would take over. I had to have a mental break down, went to therapy for a year and a half, realize what was triggering me and why, linking it to my past, allowing myself the feeling and realizing it’s not serving me now, and forgive my past. I worked on myself to gain my confidence and realized I controlled my emotions. All of which were extremely difficult things to do.
She’s not going to see your perspective because you see it as her getting angry about something small and silly when in reality it’s likely triggering some deep internal shit for her that she’s not dealing with.
She’s gotta do the work. Only thing you can really do is help her figure out why she’s being trigged. Maybe in the moment ask questions. “Why do you think youre having this reaction right now, has this happened before?”
My guess is she was bullied in school when she was younger or maybe a parent used to look at her like that and when that girl did that it brings back those feelings for her of being judged, ridiculed, or not being good enough and her anger is a reflection of that. Ok I’m done lol
I tell my single digit age children “It okay to feel your feelings. It’s okay to be angry, sad, happy, upset, whatever – what’s not okay is making other people feel bad because of what you’re feeling.”
Maybe she needs that lesson.
You’re looking at two meals a month if you dump her, just saying