A couple months back, my boyfriend (26m) and I (27f) were approached by a former friend of mine to work at a different sector in a different state (we all work for the same company). We both applied to positions that we were told to apply to and my boyfriend was a shoe in for the job and was told that they know me and him are a package deal. We just started living together in august, and have been together for 2 years. He gets the interview, my application was still sitting with no traction. He gets the offer, and i’m told i’m not qualified for the position i applied to because i don’t finish my school until early 2025. He accepts the offer and he gets a relocation package where he can sell his house and get the company to cover closing costs and realtor fees. A fantastic deal for him!
We toyed with the idea of doing long distance if it came down to it because he has to start at his new job within the next week or two in a new state. If we had to do long distance it would only be for a couple of months.
In the meantime, I had been applying to other roles in the same location with the same company and have recently received an interview for a position. I told my boyfriend and he seemed excited but then it almost seemed like it back pedaled.
When he got his position he made it seem like everything was “go go go” and that he was leaving within a couple of weeks to go out there and once i told him about the interview he goes “well what if you have to go out there before me? I’m not leaving until my house is sold.” which is a very different tune from before.
I told him, “okay well then I guess I’ll be going out before you and I could get us an apartment”
He basically shot down that idea and told me “well i’ll just get an apartment when i move up there because i don’t know where i’m going to live.”
Mind you, we took a trip there and narrowed it down to one location for a place we would rent.
I confronted him and asked him “what do you mean? I thought we already picked the apartment and location?”
He turns around and says “Well i’ve been researching and talking to my mom about where to live and I’ve come up with X and X, still trying to figure it out though.”
Weird because one of the places we DIDNT want to live is now in his top 2 places and he hasn’t communicated any of this to me. Im not sure if i’m overthinking or if he’s lowkey hoping him moving there is a fresh start for him and it would be the end of us.
Does this seem to heading to a doomed place?
3 comments
He is being very clear with you and you are not listening.
Pay attention to what he is saying, not what you want to be true or what he may have said in the past.
Sounds like your boyfriend is being shady and not including you in the decision-making process, which is a major red flag that this relationship might be heading towards a dead end, so it’s time to have a serious conversation about your future together.
It sounds like your instincts may be right. He is backing out of the plans you made together. I would personally sit down with him and ask him directly where he sees your relationship going. I’m just curious, is this other friend single?