My (26F) bf (32M) is going to therapy but may want to be single while he does it

Sorry this is gonna be long. My bf and I have had a rough few months. To preface this, I am madly in love with him. I have never loved anyone like this before. He is the only man I’ve ever dated that I’ve wanted to marry/have kids with. I’ve never wanted any of that before because I never met a man that was worth having a family with. Again, I can’t even describe how much I love this man.

He had a really rough life growing up. His parents were in their teens when they had him, his dad was homeless for the first 7-8 years of my bfs life. He wasn’t there for him and when he got on his feet, he was in a string of bad relationships. His mom was okay until my bf got to high school and she got into a bad relationship and fell into some drug use. Now, his mom is fine, remarried, and a great person. His dad is remarried and very successful now, he has a little sister from this relationship. But my bf has always been shuffled between houses and treated as not important. His dad was a very angry person growing up and constantly screamed and grounded my bf. My bf feels like his dad wasn’t there for him and hasn’t been a good father, while his mother has been more of a friend than a mom. This is just an overview of his childhood. It was not great.

He was in a relationship for 6 years prior to me and him getting together. That relationship turned abusive when his gf pushed him into a wall when she was drunk. She was very controlling, ruined friendships, and really messed my bf up. Again this is just an overview, she was awful.

So my bf and I met at work (we’re both nurses) and at the time he was 3 months single and I was 9 months single. We were starting to get friendly and then hung out and then one thing lead to another and we hooked up. We kept it casual and a secret for a long time. We started in may and had fun during the summer and once the summer ended, we realized that we really really liked each other and we’re in denial about it. Once fall came around, I wanted more commitment and he needed more time. I gave it to him.

He told me he loved me in January of 2023 before he ever made things official with me. I knew he had trauma to work through and I was telling him to see a therapist but he never did. He didn’t like therapy after he had to go to court mandated therapy as a kid when his parents were fighting for custody.

He eventually made things official with me in march of this year. So even though we’ve been together for over a year, it’s only been official for 8 months. This summer, me and him started to fight terribly. A lot of the times when he was yelling at me, he was yelling at his ex, totally projecting. He genuinely treated me really badly. And the fights were awful. I thought about breaking up with him multiple times and begging him to do couples therapy with me. But he said we shouldn’t be going to couples therapy less than a year in. The summer was just bad and I’m surprised we got through it. Again, i really love this man. I cannot see myself with anyone else. I see him as a nurse and he’s a great nurse and he truly cares for people and wants to be a better person.

A few weeks ago, a family member of his killed himself in a very tragic and awful way and it has caused my bf to have to make sure everyone around him is okay instead of taking care of himself. This also happened right before we went on vacation together in a foreign country. We genuinely had the most amazing time. It was perfect. No fights, no arguments. My bf said it was the most fun he had in years. And as soon as we got home, the energy in my bf changed. He was immediately depressed and irritated. He slept for 18 hours the next day. It was so hard to watch. I felt so powerless. We talked and he is going to start therapy and I am so proud of him. He said he wants to do it to be a better partner for me because I deserve better.

But he wants to do it while taking a break/breaking up. He hasn’t fully made the decision yet, but I think he’s heading towards that and it honestly breaks my heart. I know he needs to heal and focus on himself but I just feel so hurt? I don’t know how to describe it. I wanted to be with him for so long. And I finally got that. And now it’s getting taken away from me? We’ve shortened our communication to like 2-3 texts a day to say good morning and goodnight/ let each other know how our shifts are (I work somewhere else now). I just feel like I’ve done so much emotional labor and work and have been so patient and forgiving and I may get broken up with for it. I understand his motives and it is temporary but there’s always a chance it’s not temporary. And then what? I’m just the fucking girl that he dated before he’s healed? The girl who helped fixed him? I’m just so upset and don’t know what to do. I’m in a different state than where I grew up, my family and friends are across the country. I have some friends here but not deep meaningful friendships. Now I’m gonna sign up to work all the holidays because I’d rather be working than be alone starting at my ceiling. I literally was starting to build a life with this man and now that may be completely taken away from me. And I know this may sound selfish but I’m a human and have feelings too. I’m on night shift, not getting much sunlight, not able to always have access to family, and my bf who I love dearly is struggling and I can’t help him.

TLDR: I’ve been telling my bf to go to therapy for our entire relationship, now he is starting it and thinks he has to do it alone.