Hi.
Met my ex online 5 months ago, it was long distance but in the next province so we were able to see each other a lot. Things moved fairly quick as I am 28 and he is 33 and spoke of wanting the same things. He was going to move to my city next year and we had planned a lot, I had many flights booked to see him and a vacation booked. He worked out of town and was busy with work but still made time to call me once a day.
He lied to me about being back at camp when he went out one night two months ago for I don’t know what. He thought I’d be upset but I was only upset he lied. There were a couple other instances where he had suspicious behaviour around his phone and ripped it out of my hands twice. First time when he showed me something and there was a message he didn’t want me to see and second when I was feeling insecure after it all and asked to see his phone.
He suddenly broke up with me a week ago, claiming he didn’t know how to be in a relationship, wanted to go out with the boys, wasn’t ready, doesn’t think it’ll get better etc. this was all stuff never said before. I admit I was feeling more down and feeling like he didn’t want to talk to me and felt I was bothering him, and had some problems believing what he said over some of the actions done. A few days pass and his friends tell me he loves me but he’s scared, he wants it to work. So I reached out after 4 days and we talked for almost two hours.
He was hesitating to commit and said to take things slow. I didn’t really want to not be exclusive since we were “serious before” and he was telling me that he’s going to go out to the clubs and do whatever and all I said was to respect my boundary around getting random girls contact information, he fought for that a bit then agreed. We decided to work on things.
I felt like something was off and he was so hesitant to want another day to decide to be with me and to process I downloaded tinder and paid to set my location to his work area and he was on it. It showed him 3 years younger than he is (he always went for younger girls and I found out his last relationship was when he was 21 and only flings with girls younger than him for 5 months). He denied having it when I called him then the next day said he was going to delete it and was more concerned with me finding him over him actually having it. He said it was over again and deleted me and our pictures.
He immediately followed the last two girls he had a thing with and he unfollowed and blocked when I asked him to at least just remove the following if they are not friends as I’m uncomfortable and they slept recently together. They both live in his city.
I am so heart broken, hurt, angry, and I can’t begin where to understand what happened. I thought he was a nice guy and not like the others. I
Tltrdr: got dumped suddenly and was lashed out at saying it was all my fault because of developing insecurity and some trust issues from him lying. Ex followed the last girls he was with right away and shut me out. Was he cheating or just never invested
2 comments
Can you expand on what you’re confused about?
Just 5 months ago you matched with a guy in another province. That’s not a long time. Over those 5 months you caught him lying and being shady. So it’s pretty clear he was just interested in some casual sex with you and has now moved on.
I mean it’s pretty common for a guy to match online for a girl, say he wants something serious to have sex for a few months, and then gets bored and wants to move on.
What are confused about? That he lied about being ready to settle down? That’s quite a common thing guys say to girls so they can start sleeping with them.
He may not have been cheating, but his actions and behavior indicate a lack of investment and respect in the relationship, so it’s best to move on and find someone who will treat you better.