Am I wrong for the way I handled this?
I went on two dates with this guy. On the first date, he asked me for coffee and to look at galleries. I arrived at the date, and he already had his coffee. We both walked back up to the coffee bar, and he didn’t offer to pay for my $6 coffee. While the rest of the date went well, I believe that the person who initiates the date should take care of the bill.
On the second date, he suggested a pottery class, which he mentioned was a bit expensive. He didn’t provide any information about the class, so I said, “I’m down if you are! Let me know if you’d like me to Venmo you.” This was my way of indicating that I wasn’t expecting him to pay. He responded with, “We’re all set.”
During that date, he chose the restaurant and ordered four dishes, all of his choice. I didn’t order a drink since I don’t consume alcohol, but he got two $20 Martinis. Before the bill arrived, I went to the restroom, and when I returned, he said, “Okay, we can go to the class; I took care of the bill.” I thanked him and expressed my appreciation for the dinner as we walked to the class.
After the pottery class, we confirmed another date. However, when I saw the bill for the class was $120 per person, I told him, “Thank you again for such a fun night, and please let me know what I owe you for the class; that was a lot.” He assured me not to worry, and we’d figure it out.
Two weeks later, after having to cancel a date due to a family emergency, I received two Venmo charges for $79 for the dinner and a charge for the pottery class. I felt it was really wrong for him to request reimbursement for the dinner. I was willing to cover the cost of the pottery class and didn’t mind that charge as much but still it all felt so weird. Despite feeling uncomfortable, I ended up fulfilling his request in venmo because I didn’t really know what to do. However, I also sent him a text explaining that I was no longer interested in pursuing the connection, and the majority of that shift is was due to the Venmo requests.
28 comments
lol. who takes someone on a date and then wants reimbursed for it?
Well, “I took care of the bill” makes it pretty clear that you do not owe anything for the dinner. That said, after all this time, perhaps he just forgot about it and thought that you both agreed to split the charges for everything?
Damn you’re better than me, I would have just ignored the requests and told him to kick rocks lol.
Don’t respond to the Venmo’s and text him and say please don’t ask me for money when you said it was ok and you got this. You are officially blocked, and no I didn’t use you, I asked ahead of time, and we are not compatible.
I took care of the bill and don’t worry about it pretty much means he got it all covered and you don’t owe him anything. If he wanted you to pay him back he would have made it clear to split the cost or he’d cover it and tell you how much it was later on. Two weeks later is too late in my opinion and he should have just forgot about it. For me I personally will pay for at least the first date and then after that we can split or have the other person pay here and there. I also agree with whoever initiates the date should pay or if not make it clear to split. He suggested the pottery class so that should be in him. You did absolutely nothing wrong and handled it really well
Two $79 charges so the total was $158?
Since two weeks passed without him bringing up splitting the date, it seems to me that he took your cancellation as rejection and decided to be petty and collect.
For dinner, he said “I took care of the bill” and ordered way more than you so you shouldn’t have had to split that.
For pottery, if he had the intention to splitting the cost of the class he should’ve said that upfront and told you how much it would be so you can approve the expense.
However, since you offered to pay for the class several times and he said “we can figure it out later” I think it would’ve been ok to Venmo for that.
I definitely wouldn’t continue to date someone that would be super petty about money, so I think you made the right choice in ending things.
I’m not anti-splitting but I think that should be discussed upfront or at the table if you’re sharing a meal instead of weeks later via Venmo.
He was happy to pay for everything while you two were dating. He’s dropping you after the cancellation and expecting reimbursement now bc things didn’t work out. He’s a sissy
I read your post carefully, please correct me if I misread anything.
From the way you tell the story it sounds like he reacted badly to the date cancellation two weeks later, and expressed his rage through the venmo requests, since before your date cancellation there wasn’t anything like that. I have seen this type of frustrated behavior from men, including outright replying with insults or even minor acts of physical violence. I think women have to be very on edge about rejections and cancellations in order to avoid minor acts of rage, violence, insults and, yes, venmo charges for dates that occurred weeks ago!
As for men, it seems men need to learn to accept both rejection and also simple cancellations gracefully – since in this case it sounds like OP was absolutely still interested in dating, up until the weird undiscussed venmo charge!
I’d have ignored him completely. He changed his mind and is being a petulant cheap-o
Just curious. Did he reply to you since then? Did he think you were trippin or is he really out of touch?
Ooof … dodged a grenade girl.
I am not in full agreement with “the person who initiated the date should pay for it” regarding date 1, but it’s not very important (each to its own) and I’m glad I continued reading 😂 my 2c is for the 2nd date, he did keep insisting on paying despite you offering to pay, but THEN walked back on it 2 weeks later because of your cancellation – that sounds so sour to me. I personally would not take a date to somewhere they cannot afford unless I intend to pay for all of it and I would NOT walk back on it afterwards lol – I’m female but I think it goes both ways. So if it’s something expensive and I don’t intend to pay for all of it (eg, early on in the relationship) I’d ask to make sure they are comfortable paying before booking. Otherwise, if I said it’s my treat, then that’s the end of it.
This guy blows. You’re way too nice, I would’ve blocked his dumb ass.
I would say pay him back and graceful about it.
It wasn’t compatible. Just move on.
I think he handled it very poorly but the main idea behind it wasn’t wrong.
Yes your feelings are valid. Unless it’s spoken about that you’re splitting the bill or who is responsible for paying what beforehand, requesting money after the fact is a huge red flag.
>I believe that the person who initiates the date should take care of the bill.
Disagree but since he wasn’t upfront about splitting the bill, he shouldn’t have asked for the money later when he saw the relationship wasnt going anywhere. Shouldn’t have returned his money.
Why in the world would you pay him after that lol
I don’t believe that the person who initiates the date should take care of the bill. Especially for a coffee. But I personally wouldn’t pay back him for $200 two weeks late based on his agreement to cover you. Personally, $200 is rather trivial, and if he cared about it because you bailed on a date, then he actually couldn’t afford the $200.
I will never understand stuff like that, i mean yeah, students are poor, but dude, like its just once… i couldnt do what he did lol i would be embarrassed
I can’t get with this new age dating crap and yes I said crap b/c that is exactly what it is.
This man didn’t Venmo request her until after she had a family emergency and had to cancel plans. His ego was hurt. So what thought went thru his head? “Oh I’ll teach her to cancel plans on me!” So dumb.
Good on you for not continuing w/ dating this tool. I’m all for splitting the bill but don’t Expect me to pay for half when you request it out of spite.
He got upset you had a family emergency and lashed out by asking you to pay for a previous date?
You dodged a massive trainwreck!
That said, you got annoyed over a $6 coffee??
He doesn’t feel sorry, he’s dumb. You 100% made the right call here by telling him you’re no longer interested. How he treats you now is 100% how he will treat you if you two got married. Transactional dating / marriage is not healthy. Taking a $120 class for a 2nd date is absolutely wild, on top of eating out at a restaurant.
Yes you are wrong in the way you handled this.
You should’ve asked him if his dick reaches his asshole, and if so, he should go fuck himself.
Then block.
Please promise me you’ll never stand for this bullshit again. This was multiple levels of audacity on his part.
What a douchebag……delete and block…..
So he chose the pottery class, he ordered the dishes he wanted at the restaurant that he picked, and didn’t send the Venmo requests until TWO weeks later, after you had to cancel a date?
You dodge a giant red-flagged draped bullet. You owed him absolutely nothing, but I understand wanting to just get him off your back forever.
Yeah, it was better just to pay it, as much as it sucks, it’s better than having that guy flip out and harass you over something so trivial like that. So, as they say, better safe than sorry. ✌️🖖✌️
>While the rest of the date went well, I believe that the person who initiates the date should take care of the bill.
yet you still went on a second date
so who do you blame? him or you?
Sounds like he spat his dummy out because you cancelled the date. There’s no other explanation for him requesting money 2 weeks later.
He really blew things because you had a family emergency. You’ve dodged a bullet for sure.