Recently my mother in law (53yo) moved in with us as her husband died and she didn’t want to be alone.
We are a family of 4 and things kind of got a bit tighter with another adult living with us. Would you charge any rent/maintenance fee from your parents/in-laws ?
Edit: thank you everyone so much for your advice. Truly appreciated. Hope none of y’all’s in-laws ever move in with you. Even if you are lucky enough to have a decent one lol!
17 comments
No – but if I couldn’t afford the increase in utilities, I’d ask them to pay the difference between what we paid before and what having an additional adult costs. It’s obviously not quite straightforward now, since not all the increase is necessaries down to another person – some will be from the removal of the cap etc – but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for them to contribute to this part of the bills.
Yes.
To cover the cost of utilitys, food etc
Too many variables. Relative income and assets would affect the situation. I would be unlikely to express it in terms of “charging rent”, though. “Making a contribution” is more like it.
Yes, might be family but I’m not charity and I am sure she will be able to afford it.
They would’ve charged me if I moved into their home so it’s fair that I do the same to them.
I wouldn’t have either of my parents living with me under any circumstances. They turfed me out when I was 17, so it’d be beyond hypocritical to sacrifice my comfort to house them now.
Even if that were not a consideration and I decided to let them stay: yes, they’d be getting charged rent. They’ve paid off their mortgage and have had their entire lives to become financially secure. They can afford it. I’m not funding an adult’s life out of the goodness of my heart.
I’d definitely raise it. A child moving back in to their parents is usually expected to contribute – see many, many previous threads on this sub. A parent or other relative should be too. Maybe if they’re helping babysit or childmind it’s could be reduced or overlooked but if they’re essentially a lodger, I’d bring up the increased bills and ask how they felt about chipping in.
Me and my mum live together and share pretty much everything 50/50 I’m 29 she’s 53 or 54 😂
They would at the very least be responsible for paying their own way in terms of food and other consumables.
In reality I’d see what could be done to avoid that situation in the first place.
Depends on my financial situation at the time.
Most probably not though. They’ve supported me financially for many years, so only fair.
Did she ask to move in or was she invited? Very differnt situations.
Rather than issuing a hard cost you could have a chat and say things are tighter now as ask if she’d be able to contribute at all. See what the reception is at gauge it from there.
Nah, I wouldn’t let them tbh. I need my privacy and our house isn’t that big.
However if they were moving in, if money’s tight, yes they’d be expected to pay for themselves. It’s typical for the working class to kick their kids out at 18 anyway
I think it depends. If she’s only recently moved in she’s presumably only recently lost her husband, in which case she’s probably still in the process of grieving and dealing with the loss. In those circumstances I think it’s a bit callous and cold to ask her for money unless her being there is pushing you to financial breaking point.
However, if she continues to live with you for months to come I think it’s fair to ask for a contribution to food and energy bills, basically anything that her being there is increasing.
Obviously it depends how you’re doing from a financial point of view. If you’re reasonably comfortable and she’s just reduced your ‘fun money’ a bit then I think you just need to give her the chance to grieve. If you’re barely breaking even and she’s tipping you over the edge then you need to have a word with her.
I wouldn’t charge it. But my parents would force me to take something
I would make them pay and I’d ask for a third/ half of the costs because if you and your husband both work then the heating/ water/ food/ electric will be on when it would typically be off which will cost a lot in the long run
If she doesn’t want to pay then tell her she can’t move in but you will pop round to see her twice a week or whatever
Abso – bloomin – lutely.
As long as they can afford to and it won’t be short term, I’d expect them to at least contribute an amount that covers the extra utilities and food. If that means something like they go and do the food shopping for the household and pay for it while you’re working, then that seems about right maybe? I’d be happy with that sort of arrangement if they’re free while you work. If they couldn’t afford to but are relatively able bodied then I’d expect them to do housework instead.
Absolurely *if they can afford it*.
I honestly see little distinction between a parent moving in with their children and a child moving back in with their parents in terms of reasonable contribution.
Another person in the house boosts up utilities even if they are trying to minimise it as much as possible. If they are in a position to be able to pay their way then they absolurely should do so. Realistically if you didn’t pay her electricity bill when she lived elsewhere why should you pay it now? (When she is able to do so herself)