My husband’s mother cannot stand me and it’s obvious to me; however my husband refuses to see my side of it and acknowledge how she treats me.
He shouts at me that “she’s never said she doesn’t like you”…
This woman never acknowledged the gift or letter I gave her at our wedding, which she wore white LEGGINGS to…she has ignored me at pretty much every lunch I have had to sit through after church with her…she only calls him when she knows he is not home …I spent the first Christmas at her house for 7 hours without her saying anything to me beyond a greeting when we arrived…she ignores my texts inviting her to do things…she has made zero effort to get to know me…she’s like Jekyll and Hyde with her, I never know if she’s going to be pleasant or a total bitch.
One lunch shortly after we were married, I watched her berate him publicly in the middle of the restaurant and a table of 8 over stuff that was none of her business. Then she came up to me later at my wedding shower to tell me that I was just gonna have to relax because that’s just how they communicate…also, at that wedding shower, there were three chairs next to the gift table…three…she totally sat up there with us while we opened gifts…
For a recent eventI tried to invite his parents out with us to celebrate on a day of her choosing. She ignored my text completely and had her daughter arrange something for the whole family and inviting us to the dinner. Completely snubbed me. I skipped the function but he went and told them that i felt they didn’t like me and had really hurt my feelings. No big surprise I never heard from her…which told me all I needed to know.
I cannot stand her because of the way she acts and hate being around her for any extended period of time. My husband refuses to cut the apron strings and put mommy dearest in her place.
Now, whenever I say anything about how she doesn’t like me or refuse to be around her then he gets bent out of shape and defends her.
I’m sorry but “that’s just how she is”…or “she’s always been that way” doesn’t fly.
I love my husband and I am scared that this witch is going to ruin our marriage.
I have tried over and over forge some relationship with her but she is impossible.
Anyone have any advice for dealing with this situation? I feel like I have tried everything from being nice, grinning and bearing her crap, ignoring her, distancing myself. The only thing I have not done is flat out confront her because I feel like she is baiting me to do exactly that so she can run crying to my husband about how horrible I am and she’s never done anything at all… 🙄
6 comments
>I love my husband and I am scared that this witch is going to ruin our marriage.
Whatever the case may be, it’s not *her* ruining your marriage. You need to reframe this in your head to be *your husband* who is making choices about what he subjects himself (and you) to.
What is occuring is women’s games. It seems like a power play really. Don’t go down the ultimatum path with your hubby over this. Openly state that it is important for a mother and THEIR CHILD to have a strong bond, and it is very important. (Subtle but veiled threat to MIL over how the grandchildren will be dealt with in the future, and grandma might get excluded from it)
If you want him to be more assertive, how is his self-respect, and your respect for him? Who leads your relationship? You or him?
If you are leading the relationship, and he has no self-respect, what ever you try will fail. End of story. He will only try and make you both happy, but in the end the stronger bond is with his mother.
The path of least resistance is for you to respect your husband, and him to respect himself. Him respecting himself will allow him to set boundaries, and respect those boundaries he ends up creating even if you disagree with some of them. He only needs a few of them.
First is to stop trying with her – she will never like you, because you took her precious boy away from her. She probably wouldn’t like anyone her son married for this reason. Stop trying to arrange events together or get close. You’d really be fine to go no contact but you could also just grey rock her – just give up on putting in any effort and just sit there like a rock (boring and uninteresting). Confronting her would feel really nice but when we’re talking about someone manipulative and abusive, it does nothing but give them ammunition to throw your way.
What is more sad than your MIL’s behavior is your husband’s. He shouts at you while defending his mom’s horrible behavior? Hate to say but in most situations like these, the abused person will never start to understand how abusive/toxic/unhealthy their parent is unless they get therapy, counseling, or do in-depth reading and research about these sorts of things. It can absolutely ruin your marriage if he does not get help to understand how wrong all of this is.
Sounds like a tough situation
Can you just go no contact and not see her?
There are people on my husband’s side who are wack and I don’t even bother with them so I am no contact. They’re free to go see them during dinners or events or whatever but I stay home.
Your husband needs to get his head out of his, and mommy’s, ass before HE ruins your marriage for good.