My girlfriend was messaging her old coworker who is a married man much older then her, she even attended his wedding. We have been dating for 1.5 years and are currently living together. Yesterday we were hanging out and I went to open her phone and she freaked out, she starting Panicking and making up lies about why i cant go through her phone. She started with there’s something you cant see, then she said i bought you something then she said I bought you pants, ive never seen her in such a panicked state before..I told her to show me and she finally confessed after the panic and the lies. She was messaging this married man and deleted the conversation before i could see anything. She didnt want me to be on her phone as he was messaging her. She told me that she was worried i would overreact about her messaging him and that theres nothing to worry about as they were only talking about work. She says they absolutely do not have any past together and she spent the whole night crying as we slept in separate rooms..

She hides things from me because “ill get mad”

Ps this isnt the first time ive caught her lying, but its the first time ive caught something on her phone that she didnt want me to see.

Advice on how to move forward anyone?

24 comments

  1. Everything about her behavior suggests that her texts were extremely inappropriate at the very least. More likely, they showed evidence of an affair.

    How to move forward? Decide if you’re ok with infidelity. If so, do nothing. If not, leave her.

  2. There’s no need to be messaging an old coworker about work when you no longer work together.

    The bottom line is, your girlfriend is untrustworthy and you will always wonder what she’s hiding from you. That’s no way to exist within a relationship that’s supposed to make you feel happy and secure.

  3. Hey, I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this difficult situation. It’s definitely a tough spot to be in. The fact that she panicked and lied about her conversations with this coworker is a red flag, especially if this isn’t the first time you’ve caught her in a lie.

    Moving forward, why don;t you have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend about your concerns. Communication is key in any relationship. Ask her to be completely honest about her interactions with this coworker and why she felt the need to hide it from you. It’s important for both of you to express your feelings and concerns.

    Also, consider discussing the boundaries and expectations in your relationship. If her actions have caused you to question trust, it might be a good time to establish some guidelines for what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. This will help both of you understand each other’s boundaries and build trust.

    Ultimately, it’s important to decide if you can move past this and rebuild trust in the relationship.

  4. Dude, she deleted the evidence of her cheating. She absolutely would NOT have flipped out, then deleted things, only to THEN tell you who it was. She needed to get rid of evidence so you couldn’t prove that she was lying about the subject of the texts.

    Dude, I’m sorry, you’re being cheated on

  5. Look, dude, let’s cut to the chase here. Your girlfriend is straight-up hiding things from you and lying about it. That’s a major red flag, my friend. And let’s not forget the fact that she was messaging a married man behind your back. I don’t care if they were just talking about work or planning a surprise party for you, it’s sketchy as hell. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and she’s clearly not holding up her end of the bargain. It’s time to have a serious conversation about boundaries and honesty, or consider moving on to greener pastures. You deserve someone who respects you enough to be open and honest, my dude. Don’t settle for anything less.

  7. If she hidesbit because will get mad, then why do it? Why delete anything? Lying again, I would tell her go be with your coworker. You won’t have to hide anything and lie to me anymore.

  9. It’s pretty safe to assume at least some sexting/pictures going on with this guy. Not sure what you want to do with that information.

  10. That’s a heck of a way to react to someone, “getting mad.” She needs to come clean or else it’s over. How can you trust someone who has lied in the past and is now deleting messages and freaking out? Is it possible to talk to her co-worker? See what his reaction is?

  11. >this isnt the first time ive caught her lying, but its the first time ive caught something on her phone that she didnt want me to see.

    Break up.

  12. So she has an affair with him. You should break up with her, that is the reality.

    However, if you really want to stay with her, let’s think… She needs to agree to never lie to you and not delete anything, that much is obvious. She needs to quit her job and tell the wife f that coworker that they had inappropriate conversations together. If she argues this is an overreaction, you should tell her that you can’t trust her since she lied and deleted their text. Make it clear that whenever she lies or deletes sth, you will just assume the worst case scenario. Make it be an ultimatum and if she refuses to do all that, I am sorry, there is no hope for you. Leave her.

  13. I would tell her I’m mad enough that she’s hiding things from me that we’re finished.

    If she wants a second chance she can retrieve whatever she deleted and pending how bad it is you may or may not give her a second chance.

    Personally, I’d go straight to the other dudes wife and let her know. I’m so petty I’d follow him home from her work to do so if necessary.

  15. > She hides things from me because “ill get mad”

    At least she is being honest about that…..

  16. >Ps this isnt the first time ive caught her lying

    Time to make it the last time and break up, broseph. If it was just about work, no need to delete the conversation and no need to worry about you getting mad.

  19. I find it very suspect that she’d be in that much of a panic if she was only friendly texting and not doing something more than that.

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