I (22/M) met Megan (21/M) a few months ago through a shared class at college. We sat together and would talk in the class and then walk together to parking lot after class ended. Half way through the semester I thought she was attractive, cool, smart, etc. so I asked her out and she rejected me with “I’m flattered but I don’t want to give the wrong impression.” I felt a little bad but didn’t regret shooting my shot. Three days after we were in class and I was just making convo with her and asked what her plans were for the weekend. For the first time she mentioned a boyfriend. She briefly and kinda quietly said “probably whatever my boyfriend does”. Thought it was a little odd she never mentioned him before but whatever.
The weeks go by and we get a little friendlier with each other and enjoy each other’s company. I still had feelings for her but I had zero hope of being with her.
The other day she texted me “so when you asked me out what were your intentions i guess? i’ll be straight up i kinda like you but i’m in a bad spot and i’m either being an idiot by saying all this and ruining our friendship but i just wanna clear some stuff up bc i rlly felt like some days shit was weird”. I then told her that I liked her, found her attractive and wanted to get closer to her.
She then went on to say “ Ah okay well right back at you and yes i always looked forward to seeing you honestly. If you had asked me at a different time i would’ve 100% said yes but by bad spot i mean that i do have a boyfriend and i really shouldn’t even be saying this all but like i’ve never been in this situation before. some days i thought were weird because i didn’t know if you thought i was leading you on which i’m truly sorry about if i ever gave that impression. i do not like those types of people. essentially i’ve wanted to talk to u ab this for a while but i really just didn’t know how to bring this up without ruining something. “
“I mean i wanted to ask because like at times i thought we were just being friends and then there were points where i thought the chemistry seemed to be signaling something else. I get that obviously and like a month ago i started to get more feelings. With that said it is incredibly unfair of me to say yes i like you but can’t do anything about it atm because xyz. So i probably never should’ve asked this all but i hated thinking that after i said no i wasn’t totally honest if it makes sense.”
So now I’m just super confused. Why tell me you like me and then say I can’t do anything about it “at this moment”. Like how am I supposed to respond to that? She isn’t the cheating type so it’s not like she’s suggesting that. I’ve never been in this situation so idk what to do. Btw she’s been dating her boyfriend for nearly 4 years. We also have class together next semester and she knows this bc we confirmed it days before this.
TL;DR: my crush, who has a boyfriend, revealed to me she has feelings for me but “can’t do anything about it atm”. Why tell me this? I’m confused
11 comments
She probably wants to break up with her boyfriend but has safety and predictability with him so won’t leave until she has a safe place to land lined up. If ever.
She’s not the cheating type? If she was your girl having this conversation with someone else what would you classify it as? I mean no she’s not technically cheating but I doubt you’d be chill with it.
So, this is a girl who has crushes in other guys and talks to them about it while she has a boyfriend.
Now you know you don’t want anything to do with her, no?
She wants a boat to jump into when she jumps out of the one she’s in now.
>She isn’t the cheating type
You have only known this girl for a few short months. You don’t know her very well at all actually.
But also. She is in a relationship with somebody else yet is confessing feelings for you TO you. This would be different if she was confessing this only to her bf, but she’s telling YOU about it. Soo she IS cheating in a way. She’s not cool. When people do this, they ARE trying to test the boundaries. She herself may not be suggesting an affair, but she’s hoping that you will. Stay away from her. How can you think that such a person who does this is trustworthy at all or even worthy of being friends with? If she’s truly unhappy with her bf and the relationship is bad, all she has to do is break up with him. But no, instead, she is out here playing mind games with you.
>She isn’t the cheating type
Your entire post says otherwise.
It sounds like she’s not happy with her bf. I would remain strictly platonic with her unless she leaves him – don’t get involved!
I can think of two possible reasons, right off the top of my head:
1. She’s thinking of leaving him, and she wants to make sure that she has a spot lined up with *you* before she does, so that if you’re not interested back she can stay with him and she won’t lose whatever she’s getting from him
2. She’s interested in having you as a side piece, and by hinting that she has feelings for you, she’s hoping to draw you into something even though she is with someone else.
Either way, it’s bad news. Because if she really *actually* has feelings for you, then she needs to end her current relationship *before* pursuing them; she should have broken up with him first before saying anything to you. And if she *doesn’t* actually have feelings for you, and is only saying so, she’s doing that for a reason, and there’s no reason she could be lying to you about having feelings for you that ends well for *you*.
So. If she’s the sort to stay with someone she *doesn’t* have feelings for while she explores whether someone else wants her, she’s an opportunist, and you’re better off without her in your life.
If she’s the sort to be with someone while trying to have a side thing with someone else, she’s a cheater, and you’re better off without her in your life.
If she’s the sort who would say she has feelings when she does not, then she’s a manipulator, and you’re better off without her in your life.
She’s one of the three: Opportunist, cheater, or manipulator. And regardless of which she is, you’re better off without her in your life.
You’re monkey branch number 2. Stay around long enough to meet branch number 3!
Why are you even confused bro? She obviously is considering cheating, or at least being shady at the end of her current relationship. Girl who does this with you, will do it to you. Not replying to her drama-seeking is an option.
Why tell you this? Because she’s confused, too.
The most charitable way to interpret it is that she isn’t exactly thrilled with her relationship, she likes you, she wants to do something about it but she realizes she can’t at the moment, and she’s kind of … approaching the problem in the wrong order. (Or, scared to leave her relationship without confirmation you’re interested in her.)
You say she isn’t the cheating type. I would ask you how you know this. There’s a reason the saying goes, if she’ll cheat with you, she’ll cheat on you. I’m just saying: she’s correct to acknowledge that it’s “incredibly unfair” of her to say she likes you when she’s in a relationship. The fact that she went ahead and did it anyways isn’t a great sign in terms of her level of “relationship maturity,” ability to take commitment seriously, etc.
But idk, you guys are 21/22. People twice your age are still learning how to navigate this stuff, so I personally am not jumping to conclusions about her as a person based on this. Emotions are hard, relationships are hard.
My advice: Tell her two things very clearly. You’re interested in her, and you will not do anything to interfere in her relationship. You look forward to class with her, etc, but the date offer is off the table unless she’s single. Ball’s in her court.
if you don’t want to make your move, just leave her alone. she is wasting your time.
>tell me you like me and then say I can’t do anything about it “at this moment”. Like how am I supposed to respond to that?
She is grooming you as her next boyfriend.