I(F27) met a guy on a dating app about 3 months ago. We’ve been seeing each other 1-3 times a week. I like him a lot, however I ended a bad relationship earlier this year that I rushed into and I’ve been trying to get to know this new guy slowly and not repeat my mistake by becoming official too fast. I’ve been upfront with him about liking him a lot but being scared of entering a relationship. He hasn’t pressed the issue of exclusivity and I’ve been enjoying our time. We have slept together(safely).
I’m starting to sense double standards from him. He’s told me he likes me a lot, so I’m not sure if he’s just becoming territorial and jealous. For example, I know for a fact he is still active on the dating app we met and still asking other women out. When he goes out, I don’t question him on who he’s going with or where, etc. He even took a week long trip with a guy friend and three female friends and I didn’t question it. But lately, when I tell him I’m grabbing dinner with a friend/coworker he’ll ask me if it’s a guy and asks a lot of questions on what I’m doing in my free time. I took a trip with my friend and he asked me if I met any guys there. The problem is, I don’t feel I owe him this information since were not exclusive. I am still going on casual dates, but not sleeping with other men. He sometimes gets upset and gives me the silent treatment for several days if I do something that he dislikes(like going out to bars with my friends because he thinks I’m trying to meet guys). I do like him a lot but it feels like we’re in a weird gray area. I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to handle this and it I’m in the wrong for not wanting to give him details.
TD;LR guy I’ve been seeing for 3 months is nosy and wants to know who I’m with/what I’m doing all the time but doesn’t return that energy and I don’t feel I owe him those details if we’re not exclusive.
5 comments
What do YOU want out of this? What is your ideal outcome of this situation?
>He sometimes gets upset and gives me the silent treatment for several days if I do something that he dislikes(like going out to bars with my friends because he thinks I’m trying to meet guys)
This is a red flag that this guy isn’t worth continuing to date. Be glad you found out now
If you think you want to be moving towards a relationship with this man, this is the time to discuss it openly and what that means for the boundaries/agreements right now. You can’t keep leaving it all unsaid and feeling your way through. People will get confused and get feelings hurt.
Frankly, three months should be long enough to know if this is a person you’re willing to dedicate at least bit more time and some degree of exclusivity to, or not.
It not. End it now. He’s not okay with the status quo.
If you know this is not a person you want to pursue a relationship with, then this behaviour from him is a 100%, ultra-clear sign that it is time to end this connection. It will not get better.
> He’s told me he likes me a lot, so I’m not sure if he’s just becoming territorial and jealous
***just*** becoming territorial and jealous??
Why wouldn’t he ask you to be exclusive? Like, he cares about who you’re seeing. Why wouldn’t be have that talk with you and then you two determine what comes next.