I just got married and want to get a sense of what to expect from myself in the coming years.

43 comments

  1. Not much, bud. Just a piece of paper. My family changed a lot though. Before, her accomplishments warranted a “Congratulations”, but after getting married, my Dad celebrates her like it was one of his own kid’s achievements.

  2. Nothing changed after getting married for us until we bought a house and the kids were born.

  3. Well I mean you never really know what to expect, honestly. What I’m experiencing, is obviously gonna be completely different from what you’re gonna experience. So trying to see what you should be expecting based on what somebody else experiencing, kinda isn’t gonna get you far

  4. I would likely be the last person to ask. You would need to ask all my friends if I’ve changed. I can say that none of the my past interests and hobbies changed. One would like to think if you’re doing things in a healthy way, you only pick-up each other’s positive attributes in a relationship, and none of the negative.

  5. I’ve achieved an inner feeling of peace. I’m not religious but there is an inexplicable bond that wasn’t there before. More cynically, you could say that the “locked door” is your problem now so you try harder. When it is easy to leave, most people do

  6. Marriage changed nothing. Having my son on the other hand, changed everything. I’m a lot more responsible, less focused on what I want to do for myself, and less wasteful with money.

  7. Zero.

    What my wife got when we were dating is what my wife gets now.

    If I was to change for the worse that would mean I kept my real self from here and all this is built on a lie. It is not who I am.

  8. If you both share a growth mindset, you can help each other grow over time in ways that aren’t very likely if you were on your own.

    We both got better at accomplishing our long term goals, and this absolutely had an effect on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us.

    Life is also a lot more fun with my wife.

    So generally, we’re happier, and more resilient, because we have support when things don’t go right.

    A huge adjustment for me was over time accepting the idea that I was not actually alone, that I did not have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.

    Our experiences also informed each other to different perspectives.

    Your personality changes some after all that.

  10. Buckled down at work and really pushed my career forward. I had been coasting for a while but being married with a family to support in the near future made me realize what kind of life i really wanted and what i needed to do to provide it (or at least help provide it. Wife works too).

    Now almost 6 years later and i am several titles above where i was. If i hadnt turned things around, we would not be able to afford the life we have. Daycare is expensive.

  11. I used to argue more. If you said something wrong in my earshot that is provable with google I would tell you. Now I stfu.

  13. Nothing changed between being in a committed relationship with my fiance and being in a committed relationship with my wife.

  14. As someone with anxious attachment, I know she isn’t going to walk out the door after the smallest of mundane disagreements. That brings me a lot of peace.

  16. Well now you have a new ring on your finger, strap in its gonna be wild, maybe get some moisturiser. Remember to take it off and wash under Neath an you’ll be sweet, also don’t wear it around machinery.
    You love her?
    What changes?

  17. After getting married our sense of shared destiny increased, but my personality stayed relatively the same, of course we’re always growing and changing(hopefully). However, once we bought our home and had children, I became a little more serious. I tend to joke around a lot and be flippant, but as the weight of responsibility has increased I’ve become a little more somber. I have a family that relies on me, that needs me to be strong yet nurturing. It’s not a bad thing by any means, but it is a burden, one that requires us to grow broader shoulders.

  18. post marriage, everything was exactly the same. Nothing in our relationship dynamics or personality changed. Post kids, EVERYTHING changed.

  20. You will adopted, willing or not, some of her personality traits. Same for her. Sometimes you just gotta make sure its not the bad ones, or the bathroom counters will remain a mess for a while.

  21. You’ll change for sure, especially the vocabulary youll adopted there mannerisms

  22. I’ve changed for the better. Less angry, more accepting and more able to let myself have fun. That being said, I’m crediting that to my wife, not the act of getting married.

  23. I didn’t change much my first marriage, which fell apart. My second marriage I’m much more patient, much more tolerant, and much less willing to fight over things that don’t matter.

  25. Marriage: nothing really changed.

    Kids: have a MUCH lower tolerance for bullshit from adults.

  26. I think I’m a lot mellower and more patient, I think I’m also a lot more considerate as well. She has been a great influence

  27. – Getting married: Absolutely nothing.
    – Having kids: Quite a lot.

    Having kids in every sense is a much larger lifestyle and personal change than getting married is, and it isn’t *close*. It also alters your relationship far more than getting married does (in both good *and* bad ways).

    When you get married, unless you’re a “waiting until married” couple, your relationship will be 99% the same before and after. When you have kids any problems your relationship has will be amplified and new problems that you weren’t expecting will appear.

    PS – This isn’t an anti-kids comment. No regrets there. Just being realistic about what to expect.

  29. One change. Everything hit at twice amount. Be it work, fun or fights. But the best part is u have someone for support and lean on to.

  31. I had to change my idea of My stuff and My space. It all became ours. We are a unit and she needed to be let in on the small stuff also. It was small things like just getting up and going to the store without the need to tell anyone. Now I say I’m leaving, do you want to go or need anything? Just remembering that I needed to share my space and make decisions accordingly. I felt like I lost some freedom but I gained more by having her.

    I’ve also learned that I don’t need to win ever argument. Somethings I would argue over I just say sure, whatever now.

  35. I have become a calmer version of myself. Possibly even more caring, compassionate, and empathetic.

  36. Is it possible for you to get counseling to help with this? It can really hurt a relationship when you keep things that are hard for you from your partner. Speaking from experience, it made me feel like my partner didn’t trust me or regard me as an equal.

  37. Severe depression, the verbal berating of why all my ideas wouldn’t work and going the more inefficient route destroyed my confidence and identity over the years. I hate everything because of it and am still trying to find joy in myself.

  38. The main thing that changes initially is saying the word “wife” was a quicker way of describe our relationship then “girlfriend, but we live together and we’ve been together for like 10 years and we are thinking about kids .. etc”.

    More subtly, the “culture of marriage” starts to seep into your every day life and undoubtedly has an effect on the relationship. People might treat you slightly differently, as different question or make different small talk. You have ways of relating to other married people so it ends up being a feedback loop. Saying things like “I need to check with my wife” feel different then “I need to see what my girlfriend is doing”. I’m sure it doesn’t happen to everyone, especially if you marry young, but if you’re in your mid to late 30s, it’s pretty influential on your life. It’s the same thing happens when you start working or having kids or what ever. It’s just another thing that you do that ends up defining you. It’s not good or bad, it’s just what life is.

  41. I listen to more Taylor swift against my own accord.

    Aside from that, I am more considerate of my wife and the way I live my life, knowing that my decisions directly impact her life (just as hers do mine).
    I also never lived with anyone, so now if she’s away for a trip, the house feels more empty, and even on days I get home from work first, I notice myself waiting for her to get home like a puppy.

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