What is the best way to be supportive to my partner?
My partner has a degree in computer science and is actively looking for work in this field. She has been doing this since December of 2022 when she graduated but still hasn’t found a job. Now she is constantly stressed, living with her parents and worried about money. I can’t attend college until next year(when I turn 24) due to not having access to my parents tax info. All of this to say I’m working at a coffee shop with no prospects for improvement till I’m 24, and I’m ok with that, but I’m not in the same mindset as her. I am not rushing to anything, no one is providing for me. I pay for all my bills myself and don’t really care about anyone’s opinion other than hers. But she is in a rush. She wants a job right now and I get that. All of my advice is shitty though. “It’s ok just be patient.” Is bad advice and won’t help, and just sitting there and listening, agreeing that it’s a shitty situation makes her also pissed because she thinks I don’t get it. What do I do?
I recognize I’m bad at emotional support, and really do want to improve.
3 comments
Instead of “it’s okay just be patient” validate her! Tell her “I’m sorry your having such a hard time finding a job, that sucks”. Empathize with her and just let her feel the feelings. Just confirming that what’s she’s feeling is valid and that you understand and are there for her is the best thing. Sometimes people just want to vent, be heard and understood.
Look up better communication ways. Like recognizing what need maybe is unfulfilled with some requests or maybe asking “how would you like to be cheered up when you feel mad/sad/overwhelmed?”.
It would be better for you to give her practical support/advices, such as, going into subreddits, maybe r/career, r/jobs, r/computerscience, upskilling, adding projects to enhance her portofolio. Also, she doen’t need to be a software engineer, be more open, maybe data analyst, IT support, cyber security, cloud engineer (I suggest SAP engineer), etc. Also, try to attend certitification bootcamps to upskill and enhance her portfolio.
Please tell her, that the CS world is kind of overflooded, and it’s very competitive, so try to lower her standards and don’t believe in the idea that “Majoring in CS has major prospects in terms or career and high paying” I mean it is true, but still, you have to be very competent. Competency is crucial. And, being realistic is also crucial.
Good luck.