I don’t know if this is the right sub to ask this, but it mainly revolves around socialising, so why not? Need your opinion for this.
I’d say I’m a kind person, or at least I try to. I’m not perfect, I might have unintentionally hurt someone or fought someone in the internet or something, I’d say 91% of the times my side of the street was clean. I’ve never intentionally harmed someone (since the age of 15; I’m 17). I’m neutral most of the times. I’m calculative and very strategic.
I carefully pick the words that I say. I don’t engage in gossips, I don’t talk shit. I never judge people, I judge their actions. I just wandered if this is actually healthy. People were nice to me in return but sometimes I feel like there’s a gap like analytically speaking I’ve seen people bond more while shit talking someone.
4 comments
Gossipers get the short-term reward of feeling powerful and more closely bonded to others in the moment. It’s an illusion, as the habit of betrayal always bites back in some way.
Non-gossipers are slower to fit into groups, and can appear aloof, but maintaining integrity leads to more long-term rewards. Being actually trusted and respected by good people is always going to be better in the long run than making false friends on the low road.
Yes- it keeps you in the present and focused on the things that you can control. By being more present you’ll also be more grateful and feel more at peace. It’s a great philosophy!
Yeah you can totally bond more by complaining or gossiping, but is it a good thing for friendship/relationships to be based off negativity? And will there be other things to connect you to that person is the topic/subject of judgement is removed from the conversation?
In general people bond more with others when they are authentic. When someone is too analytical of what they say and how they act, they may be thinking too much and filtering too much instead of conveying they real persona.
“if they gossip to you, they’ll gossip about you.”
Nobody will trust you in the long run.