So I am in a great relationship with an amazing guy, but we’ve been experiencing a few issues with our sex life.
No, I am not cheating or attracted to other men. Because quite frankly I’m not very fond of receiving sexual attention from men. But I have been finding it hard to derive enjoyment from sex for a while.
I think it could be due to stress from work, and I struggle with anxiety and a bit of depression. I also struggle with binge eating disorder which has caused me to gain weight and also lose my libido completely.
As you can see I got a lot of mental health issues going on. I’ve been trying to get therapy for this stuff, but I’ve been finding it hard to find reputable therapist platforms that aren’t complete scams lol.
But I am noticing that I get more excited about food vs sex, which sounds bad lol.
A little bit more background, prior to my current partner I struggled with being hypersexual and pretty much sleeping with any guy that gave me attention. I come from an ultra religious background. I was also molested as a kid. So there’s that. Most of the guys I’ve had sex weren’t great and didn’t respect me or my sexual boundaries.
Fast forward to current partner and we do engage in sex, but I can never allow myself get into it fully. I also struggle with feeling dirty or shameful during and after.
I have suggested making our relationship an open relationship so he can continue to have sex while I sort through my sexual hang ups, which he has refused lol.
I’m not sure how to approach this y’all lmaooo.
4 comments
First off, take a deep breath, honey!
Your situation is not unusual to me. Because I come from the same kind of background.
First of all, you have to make peace with yourself. And what you’ve done, you can never really take it back. But you gotta forgive yourself for doing it.
I’m not sure what your relationship is versus food , but the rest I feel you.
If you love your partner, you owe it to both of you to work out these issues as soon as possible! But mostly to yourself.
It’s not an easy path to recover, but having your partner support during it is precious. Lean on them if you feel weak. I know you would do the same for them if the situation was reversed!
Most of it, love yourself and be proud of how strong you’ve become already! Sending lots of love!
> finding it hard to find reputable therapist platforms that aren’t complete scams
Waat does this mean? Therapists aren’t “Platforms”, they’re actual people with verifiable credentials. Please, tell me you aren’t thinking some online junk. Find someone IRL, pay the money, it sounds like there’s a lot going on that would benefit from some attention by a pro.
hello 🙂 i agree with u/bigsucka, take a breath and clear your head sweetie! If you are open and honest with yourself and everyone else, that is foundational to move forwards in any sense. Im far from qualified for giving this kinda advice, but it sounds like you are fed up, you know you can personally achieve something greater, tough times don’t last, tough people do! Take some zen time, focus on you 🙂
You definitely need to sort this out through therapy because there’s a lot to unpack. Your mental health is almost certainly having a negative impact here. Sex isn’t this magical primal state which overrides everything else competing with our lives and our attention. It’s subject to whatever else is happening with us, so anxiety, depression, stress from work, will all hurt your drive. So we can be fairly confident this is one of your big issues that needs to be untangled for the sake of your sex life.
Your conservative upbringing is also another major issue. During your formative years you were assaulted with information that sex outside of marriage and for the purpose of anything other than procreation is wrong, dirty, and punishable by eternal damnation. We have the most neural connections as babies and they decrease as we age, which means it’s easier to absorb and ingrain information the younger we are. So you have very strong mental connections telling you that sex is bad and wrong and you should be ashamed.
It seems that you addressed this by acting out defiantly and seeking out novel sex with a bunch of partners. That was your rebellion. You were on the run from all that shit ingrained in you. It was easy to run away from your problems. But now you’re with someone and you can’t or don’t want to run away. So you’re faced with a reckoning. All signs point to you having to sort this out in order to move on with your life. You can’t avoid this. I mean you *could*, but you’re just causing yourself needless suffering as you keep running from it.
You need to untangle this nasty web that your life up to this point has woven. It’s possible, it’s just going to take time and work.