Hello, so I’m writing this because I want advice on what’s wrong with me. Im more of a listener than a speaker, I try to listen more than I speak because I love to hear about others lives. Everyone is different and I love hearing other people’s thoughts n such, that being said I do also engage and talk about myself too. Around 70% of the time I listen/talk about them and 30% of the time I talk about myself. Is this bad?
That being said, I’ve rarely ever had the opportunity to talk or listen. I was bullied for about 5 years in my childhood, not just name calling either. I was attacked multiple times, I’m still missing chunks of teeth from it. In class I try to talk to people, but no one ever cares. For group work people immediately get into groups and if I try to join they say no.
If people do talk to me, it’s only so they find things out about me to take the piss out of me. I just don’t understand why people want to make me miserable so much, I feel like its my fault and I deserve all of it. Why would they do it if I didn’t deserve it?
Everyone my age go to concerts and parties and enjoy their lives, yet I spend almost all my life doing the same routine. Waking up, going to highschool, going home, revising all evening and going to bed.
I just want a friend, I just want to make people smile and brighten their day. Yet all people do is find any reason to hate me. Please, what is wrong with me? What am i doing that’s causing people to hate me?
12 comments
You are not out chosen just as me.
I actually don’t have any advice. I just wanted to say there are people out there who love you.
Have you been in the same area your whole life? With the same peers?
First of all, there isn’t anything wrong with you. Sometimes it’s just really hard to make friends. Kids in high school can be really judgemental and mean as well. I’d suggest joining some group or extracurricular activity you have an interest in, it may be easier to make friends that way. For me in high school it was a music group and drama class. I hope it all works out for you.
I don’t think anything’s wrong with you!! I’ve never had a close friend my whole life but I’m slowly making more this year because I tried looking more approachable, simply just smiling more and just saying hi. I found that those helped a lot for me so maybe it’ll help you too!
I’ll be your friend
i know how you feel, it’s not easy. best of luck to you 🙂
You are still very young and you have plenty of time to find friends even if it takes a while. There is a saying that says that a person is very, very lucky to have one genuine friend in life. Alot of people have acquaintances, not real friends and it doesn’t take much for friendships to collapse. People can be very complicated. It’s not you.
Be careful who you befriend also. Don’t let ‘ desperation’ get you into the wrong company. You really only need one or two friends and maybe some that you can do stuff with like for example meetup groups. See if there’s one in your area. Alot of the people may be a bit older, but that’s not necessarily a negative. These groups ornise different types of events, such as cinema, meals, trips and you can always request an activity.
Just look after yourself, do things you enjoy even if by yourself at first. Maybe some volunteering of some type?
I’m sure things will improve for you as I say , you are very young yet and haven’t had as much life experience that brings you into contact with different people.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself and keep your chin up. There are lots and lots of people in the same situation as you. Sending you all good wishes and a hug🤗
I have the same need to listen to people, I genuinely find it interesting to see how different people view the same world. At the beginning I thought that I was overthinking everything, or going “too deep” and the thing is that people don’t want to think about their lives on a small talk, you know. Use that empathy of yours with people when you are closer to them, because first impression is always first impression, it can be wrong. Another important thing is that you shouldn’t forget that while listening to the others you have to “shine” too, don’t just listen. What I mean is that if you go and enjoy that type of interaction, then feel confident with it, let them know your thoughts about what observations you currently make, how interesting you find them etc, you have to let them know your character as well. Because while they may me talking to you and maybe venting or sorting their thoughts out, they are in a vulnerable state and it’s nice if you can at least be together there, to form the connection of a friendship and not the type of an interaction of a therapist-patient.
Also, I think you should consider psychology for your studies. The world lacks empathy, and we could use people like you 🙂
I don’t really have advice but I can somewhat relate. I’m 20 and haven’t had a close friendship like that either. I’ve had friends but no one who I’ve really connected with. I wasn’t bullied or anything I always came along with people but connecting in a deeper level is hard. I can’t even see myself having a ”best friend”. I can live with it tho and I am happy because other aspects of my life are good.
I guess if I did have to give advice, I’d say get some hobbies that you can do with people. When I used to have friends the deepest way I could connect with them was through skiing (I lived in a ski town). Also just try to find things in life that you can enjoy by yourself, that should project ”positive energy” onto others and as you get out of highschool people will appreciate that energy more.
You’re just starting the rest of your life. At 18, you still have tons of opportunities to make friends. It’s common for people to lose touch with their k-12 friends once everyone goes off to college anyway.
My advice would be to practice your social skills. Get a job as a host or a server at a restaurant. You will have an endless number of people to practice social skills. Be the one to initiate conversation and make small talk. Trust me, you will make a lot of peoples day this way. You will see regular customers who will be excited to see you again if you had a good interaction the last time. You may make some friends this way as well.
Good luck, OP.
it’s easy for me to sympathize with you. as a boy and teenager I was the victim of constant bullying for almost eight years. I have tried all strategies but with very little success. only a change of environment led to new acquaintances. I met new people who knew how to appreciate what I could give to others. just like you, the ‘art’ of listening to others was one of my virtues. new people loved me because of it. everything is fine with you. you are a little different and for them you are just a symbol of their ‘perfection’. being aggressive towards you is a perverse cure for their insecurities. they don’t know how to recognize your good intentions and empathy. it means that they are psychologically and spiritually underdeveloped human beings. my ugly story is behind me. some consequences are still present, but empathy for those who suffer is great. I passed my sufferings and received a gift. all of us who have read your story love and support you.