I feel like I’m always questioning people’s intentions and I sometimes worry that I might have Borderline Personality disorder, Bipolar disorder, or autism. I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I just want to plastic surgery my personality and become a kind, happy, person. Why can’t I do that? I’m so embarrassed to be me.
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Can you give examples of what you mean by neurotic and defensive?
I’d just like clarity before I get any input
What would happen if you knew everyone’s intentions in every social situation. What is the theoretical benefit of having the information
Talk to a professional – spend time working on your insecurities, anxieties and slowly develop yourself. Most straightforward way
There is normally a reason you are defensive about something – for me it was that I felt inadequate, so in certain social situations rather than feel that inadequacy I became defensive. Still do it now sometimes but I always realise moments after I’ve done it and I readjust. Doing therapy gives you the tools and allows you to change the patterns your brain and emotions go through
If you are concerned you have those things it might be helpful for you to get an assessment done, even just to understand yourself better. If that is the case it could just be a chemical imbalance in your brain affecting you. My mother is bipolar and she’s a very different person now that she has the proper support. Be kind to yourself, and watch that negative self talk.
I count to ten before I speak if someone else is speaking. It’s helped me to not interrupt or be defensive and to be more present and invested in what the other person is saying.
Try giving The Four Agreements a read. You don’t need to embrace the spiritual side of it, just try to really think about the guiding principles as really, really solid mental health advice:
Be Impeccable with your word, Don’t take anything personally, Don’t make assumption, and Always do your best.
>Why can’t I do that? I’m so embarrassed to be me.
The first step is to realize that the way you come across to others is less important than your relationship to yourself, for many reasons, but one major one is that if your relationship to yourself sucks, then even if your interactions with people become more successful, you’ll still find a way to ruin it for yourself.
Practicing self-kindness, self-compassion, self-forgiveness, self-understanding, are all key. These things are win-wins that help you be more comfortable with yourself regardless of how you act around others, while also allowing you to better understand why you might behave in suboptimal ways around others.
Most of our undesired feelings and behaviors serve a purpose and we’re more likely to understand them if we’re able to forgive ourselves for experiencing them instead of hating them. It’s quite hard to actually unpack our issues if we’re doing it antagonistically, just like it would be pretty hard to get another person to change if you approach them antagonistically.