My husband has always had ‘eclectic’ hobbies that usually change once or twice a year. Last year he wanted to try growing pawpaws, so he bought all of the equipment, pots, seeds, everything he needed. He planted the seeds. Now there are 300 pawpaw shrubs rotting in the backyard, and he says he doesn’t have time to deal with it. However, he does have time for his new hobby.
He has coined his new hobby ‘cryptocartography’ and as hard as I try to understand what he’s spending all this time doing, I still think he might be losing his mind. He now spends hours looking through images of ancient art and making comparisons to geographic locations. He seems to believe that most if not all ancient art is some kind of map instead of the obvious depiction. “Look!” he’ll say to me, “Doesn’t this statuette look exactly like Norway?” and I’ll look and say, “No, it looks like a man with a spear.” and he gets all frustrated and says I don’t understand what he’s saying.
He posts all of his findings on facebook groups seeking validation. He has started to email professors and other academic people asking for validation. It seems like the less validation he has on the matter, the more dedicated and obsessed he becomes with proving this theory. He gets defensive when I disagree with him, and we’ve gotten into a few arguments over it, which I think is just so ridiculous.
I’m 100% worried about him, but he’s got this one-man-against-the-world mindset right now, and he just sees me as an enemy that doesn’t ‘get’ him.
Extra context: I work from home full time. We have two young children that he takes care of while I work. He has always been interested in history and culture, but never obsessive like this. This started shortly after he stopped taking an antidepressant that he had been on for years (he refuses to talk to me about going back on it because he thinks it’s too expensive and that I’m just trying to ‘control him’)
I really need some advice.
31 comments
This seems to be a bit beyond Reddit’s paygrade, but just my two cents are: seek professional help. The fact that he quit his antidepressant should be of a great concern to you. Have him go in for a routine medical check and then ask the physician about this. If he refuses, make up some excuse to get him there. His mind seems to be doing some wonky things, and best case scenario, he just gets deeper into his odd hobby. Worst? Well, you have two children, so…Best of luck to you.
To me, the biggest alarm bells here are that he sees you, his wife, as an enemy seeking to hurt and control him, and there are children in his care. This sounds like a dangerous situation and I am scared for you and your children.
He needs professional help. Keep yourself and your kids safe because even though he may have never been violent before he sounds like he’s losing his mind
While it’s important to support your partner’s interests, it’s also crucial to address concerns when they start affecting daily life and relationships, so consider having an open and honest conversation about the impact his new hobby is having on your family and suggest seeking professional help to ensure his well-being.
There is a term for people like this that i cannot remember.
What i do remember is there is a mental illness/dysfunction that drives it, where they jump from one obsession to another and with each jump, what they fixated on before becomes dead and buried.
From memory, he might always be this way without him seeking out therapy by someone that understands this type of dysfunction.
Does he have ADHD? He sounds like he has ADHD, with hyperfocus. And gets deeply, deeply, into whatever is interesting *right now*, only to completely abandon it once it’s “learned” and no longer *interesting*.
Look at having him tested for bipolar disorders. Obsessive cycling can be a feature of manic episodes
If his meds are too expensive, there may be a cheaper one he can try. Goodrx has coupons.
Who prescribed the antidepressant? Does he have a psychiatrist or any doctor that you can contact? He could be could be experiencing psychosis.
>This started shortly after he stopped taking an antidepressant that he had been on for years (he refuses to talk to me about going back on it because he thinks it’s too expensive and that I’m just trying to ‘control him’)
Yeah this part is worrisome. You do need professional help here.
I have a good friend who is bipolar and deals with paranoia at times, the “secret communications” are a big tip off for me.
Has he been screened for ADHD?
I agree that he needs to go see the provider who prescribed the medication! You do not say how old the kids are. At least you are always there with them. I do not think it is a wise idea to leave the kids alone with him. I would get counseling myself, if I were you! It will help you understand his behavior and how to manage him. Also a place where you csnget some psychological relief yourself.
Oh mama, you are in for a rocky ride. He needs to speak with his doctor, honestly, if possible.
We need guys like your husband so Ancient Aliens can make an episode on his findings.
My cousin’s husband had a psychotic break in his early 40s and became violent to the point of divorce and restraining orders. It started with stuff like this and he was eventually diagnosed with bipolar for sure but we suspect he is hiding some other diagnosis. I’m by no means an expert but this is alarming and requires medical attention. I would call his doctor asap and make a safety plan with family or friends.
My covert narcissist ex would get hyper fixated on random hobbies like this.
I am a metaphysical person. I always think these are bits of a past when I see them. Though in this life, they are more ADHD, where they are scattered, and appear, like they distracted by things that appear to mean nothing. I am a history minor in college. Before people start ripping this apart I will stop. Try to understand him, so you get more information first. Keep an eye out, since he has been medicated before….
He may be neurodivergent or something else but he does seem to have allowed his “hobby” to have overtaken his life (and by extension the whole family). Can you ask him to work full time? The kids would be better off in daycare than being cared for by someone who isn’t focused on their needs.
This is for a professional therapist not Reddit strangers
Is he bipolar? If he’s paranoid and manic, sounds like he needs professional help.
Have seen all the comments suggesting the same…
He’s experiencing something called apophenia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apophenia Like the article says, false pattern finding is just a feature of our brains, but taken to an extreme (or given undue importance) it can be indicative of a mental illness like schizophrenia. The fact that he’s also got paranoid features lends credence to that idea: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychosis
The bad news is that he seems to have poor insight into his own disordered thinking, which might make him resistant to receiving treatment. The good news is that treatment can be very effective. There might be other possible causes, so a proper evaluation is important. Consider involving friends and family so that you don’t have to navigate this alone. If he seems to be a danger to himself or others, there might be mental health services near you that can assist, or you might need to call 911 or your local equivalent. Best of luck.
Yeah schizophrenia usually shows up about that age. If you want him to talk to someone tell him to ping me a dm.
Is there any chance he is using drugs? This kind of obsessive behavior, making connections that aren’t there, and intense burst of activity are consistent with stimulant use, like meth. Alternately it sounds like bipolar disorder in a manic episode. Regardless he need evaluation by a mental health professional. It sounds like he may not go in voluntarily. But it may get to the point where he is unsafe to be around your children or you since it sounds like he is already getting antagonistic towards you. Then you can call the police to do a mental health welfare check and he can be compelled to get a mental health evaluation at the hospital.
OP what antidepressant was your husband taking? Is it possible what he stopped taking was an antipsychotic medication? Like what would be prescribed to someone with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia etc.
Quickly changing hobbies and buying lots of things for hobbies that wind up discarded — this sounds like it could be ADHD or some other neurodivergence. Maybe try to get him tested? Good luck!
Does he have ADHD? Because his hobby jumping and his urge to be right both sound like ADHD signs to me.
Source: I have ADHD 😂
Sounds like a manic/hypomanic episode tbh if not psychosis. Going from different expensive and intensive “hobbies” without sticking to one is usually a sign of some kind of mental illness. What would make me nervous now is that he’s seeing things/connections that don’t exist and insisting that people who do/should know better are wrong and “don’t understand” plus stopping medication and arguing with you over it just isn’t a good sign.
Any chance he has ADD? That’s the kind of stuff i used to do before I got on ADD meds & accepted my diagnosis.
Oh you need to get him evaluated immediately. Quitting his meds suddenly can trigger psychosis.
I hate to be an armchair psychologist but this sounds like some kind of bipolar. My mom was diagnosed and this is absolutely how she was, she would throw herself into some sort of niche hobby or interest for a year or two and then fully cycle past it.
He needs to go back to therapy