I was talking to two female friends who say they don’t like coffee dates because it makes them feel like the guy doesn’t value them enough based on their conversations. I get that aspect of it and it definitely depends on how much you know the person. However, personally, I don’t like the idea of being trapped at a date for a while and it costing so much more. I like the idea of a coffee date that can end super quickly if things don’t match or go for an hour or two. After that date if it goes well I’d offer dinner or any more elaborate / higher effort date.
Idk, maybe I’m just lazy, but dinner seems like a big jump right away. Tbh I’m not the best at dating, I’m in college and have never had a girlfriend in my life so what do I know.
Any advice would be helpful, thank you.
43 comments
Yeah, they are definitely in the minority there. The “**Rules of Dating”** have been tested time and time again. Break them at your own peril.
Nothing worse than a dinner date with someone with whom there is zero chemistry!! Coffee is simple, sweet, no pressure. Plus it allows for making it longer or shorter depending on how you connect!
I would just go with option C and do something else. There are plenty of cheap date activities.
Yes to coffee dates for sure. You’re not stuck in some crazy loud restaurant. Personally, I don’t want to eat a full dinner in front of a guy for a first date.
If I met a woman in real life I’d take her on a real date first.
But for Internet dates… coffee dates are a necessary catfish filter.
Coffee dates are great.
Meeting for a happy hour cocktail is nice, too.
I enjoyed meeting early for coffee or cocktail, and that way, if it went well, it could move on to dinner or lunch or whatever we decided on.
I think a lot of women get wrapped up in this idea that the guys need to put in effort and show their interest, and to them, that means an elaborately planned date. To me, a first meeting should be just that, a meeting, and there’s really no way to know if there’s real interest until we meet. I think women are a little disjointed in this respect.
I’m a woman, for the record.
I think it depends, if you just matched and you’re both close to the location, coffee is fine. If we’ve been talking for a couple weeks and we each. Have to drive 30 minutes to meet in the middle, I think an activity as a first date that lasts and hour or two is more appropriate.
I think going for coffee is great! You can get to know your date, have a nice conversation without feeling that you are taking a big jump or feeling awkward.
Absolutely not. The way I see it, first dates should be something casual like coffee, drinks, or a walk. It takes the pressure off.
I got my current girlfriend after a first coffee date so at least in my instance it worked.
Coffe dates are great. I don’t think your woman friends will like it so much if they have to pay for the dates
Your two female friends are overvaluing themselves at this early stage of dating. First date is to get to know someone a little and see if there’s any attraction.
Be thankful you got that far. First dates are crucial. It’s the deciding moment, is it not? This is when you size each other up and see if there is any chemistry. It’s all about the spark so revel in the excitement.
If it’s meant to be, a walk in the park can turn your life around. If it’s not meant to be, you can fix a date amoungst clouds and it’ll not work out.
So chill and be yourself
I actually think a coffee date is better. I don’t expect someone to shell out a ton of money on a first date – what if it totally doesn’t work? You don’t have any knowledge of me or any reason to believe we’ll work out yet. It’s barely even a date, it’s a possibility of a date. To me second date is the real deciding one where a little more money could/ should be spent. Nothing crazy, but something mid-range is a good choice for that. First dates? Coffee is fine.
I think it depends on how you met. If you met online, I think a coffee date isn’t really even the first date, but rather the meet cute (or whatever you’d like to call it). The second date almost takes the place of the traditional first date.
If you met in real life, you’ve had a chance to see if you have some sort of chemistry, so dinner or something longer might be more appropriate
A first date, especially on dating apps, should 1). be in a public space 2). not demand much out of either party 3). provide an easy way to end things early 4). be an environment where you can get to know someone.
A date at a coffee shop covers all of these things. This is why they are common.
In my opinion if someone takes issue with a coffee date thinking it’s “uncreative” or “lazy”, it tells me they are not dating for the same reasons I am. I’m trying to connect with someone, have fun, build a relationship, hopefully eventually build a life with.
So the initial date is about connecting with another human being and getting to know them. The location, like a coffee shop, can be the same but the person changes. The person is who we are trying to find, not the location. I don’t know if I’m making sense. I just unapologetically do simple dates and if people don’t like it I guess thats another way I automatically “dodge bullets”
Plus I’m a broke social worker. If someone is “high maintenance” (aka expects costly dates) I know they are not right for me. The kind of future I have probably wont’ include regular high cost dates.
Seriously, any women that is stingy about where they have a first date is not worth it for me. Like just be happy to meet me. This is why I don’t do dating apps.
Coffee dates are great for that reason. It weeds out the high maintenance people who expect girlfriend treatment on a first date.
Coffee dates for first dates are just smart. Lots of first dates don’t progress to date 2 so why spend so much? If your budget allows it, you can step up to a drinks date…
I would prefer a coffee date for many many reasons. I like coffee, i would feel very comfortable being at a cafe, i would feel very nervous to eat on a first date, usually you talk a lot and eating and talking would not be the best, if there was no connection having a meal would take much longer..
To name just a few..
That said.. people are different so maybe ask the person you are talking with about what you would prefer doing. Most guys usually ask “how would you feel about grabbing a coffee/drink someday” and then the other person can say what they prefer
I value them enough to give them the most precious thing I have, my time.
No, they aren’t bad. When women complain about coffee dates, they are envisioning a very handsome and charming guy who is only wanting to buy them coffee. Obviously they’d prefer Mr. Handsome to take them to an elegant dinner where he’s charming and suave over wine and excellent food.
What they aren’t imagining is the dude who shows up looking 10 years older than his pictures, or is wearing a tasteless t-shirt, is 3 inches shorter than his profile says, etc. For those dates, they’d be grateful it’s only a quick coffee and dash at 15 minutes.
The point is, the coffee date protects all parties if there is a very obvious no connection right at the start. It makes complete sense and also protects a guy’s wallet. I usually offer coffee or drinks, since I can end drinks after 1 beer if I like, and if the date goes well and we each have 2 drinks and I pick up the tab, she knows I’m not a cheapo.
I think coffee or drinks is a great 1st date. You can usually easily extend or end the date based on how it’s going.
Maybe an unpopular opinion but I prefer coffee shops for a first date. You can feel out the vibes in a low-stakes place as opposed to committing to a full dinner. Plus, earlier dates are also better because it’s a different energy than nighttime stuff, more relaxed.
Coffee is greT. In and out
I used to have a lot of luck with coffee dates. They are basically date 0, and I personally used to like an excuse to find new coffee places. For me it’s drinks or coffee. I really just want to sit and talk to get to know someone a little first.
Depends on where you live. In NYC coffee dates are amazing because if you guys click right wat then it can become a museum date, lunch date, etc. Heck one time I ended up going to Trader Joe’s with a girl after our coffee date. We ended up getting groceries for ourselves and planning meals as if we were a couple.
I think coffee dates are smart and a good idea, just make sure it’s a cute cafe and not a busy Starbucks/chain place. I know you didn’t mention that you ever would do that, but just saying it because I feel like it should still feel like a date, not a coffee run.
When I was on the apps, a guy I matched with asked me out to coffee, and I was happy with that, but then he explained that he wanted to do coffee so he doesn’t spend a lot of money if we don’t click.
I totally could have done without the explanation. It just took the appeal out of it. Instead of being excited for the date, I felt like I was being tested for being worth it or not.
Idk maybe others feel the same, and would have been happier with just the invite and not the explanation.
i agree to some extent, but we should put context here
people in this era are do not settle quickly, there’s a 90% chance the date would not end up in a relationship, family and marriage, settling down is the least thing people think about these days, so if you as a guy , would invite every date to a fancy dinner and put effort every time , you’d eventually get tired after the third one.
a coffee date at least gives you an initial idea about the other person, if she’s worth it or not, because most of time it’s not.
All of my first dates are coffee only.
Keep it simple and inexpensive.
Why would you spend $100+ on a girl thats talking to dozens of guys at the same time and probably has another date lines up after yours
Keep it casual until she gives you a reason to put in more effort
Coffee dates are fine, its not the 1950’s anymore
They are just basically saying that they like the free meals they get out of dinner dates…
They also have no idea how to attract a guy, or what a guy actually wants from a woman. Just follow what the top percentage of players do
No I would prefer to have coffee also when I know the person in RL!
For me it is more casual and not formal. So I could talk easily about things. You could go for a lunch after or what else if it clicks!
Why in gods name would I prefer to go to a restaurant. Maybe I wouldn’t like the guy or we are no match?
And why would woman prefer this, because they are looking for a man that pays for everything….. Because then they know that you support them when you are getting kids and personally I find it bullshit!
I personally split the bill! More women need to do this! It set the record straight that I am an equal to you as you would be for me!
I can’t really wrap my head around a coffee date, it seems like a phone call would be just as effective. On the other hand I’m just starting to date again after a 10 yr break, and after texting a girl almost daily for a week or two and thinking we were getting along great, 10 mins into actually meeting n i couldn’t believe how annoying she was. As soon as I left I was like, wow I’m so glad I didn’t just spend a couple hundred dollars on a date
If a woman thinks coffee is a bad first date because she doesn’t like coffee it’s one thing. I’m happy to do a drink instead. But if she thinks it shows I “don’t value her” she isn’t the woman for me. I want women who are unpretentious, low maintenance, don’t play games, and have realistic and fair expectations about dating, so someone who wants a fancy dinner date before she even knows if we connect is not my speed.
Expecting a fancy first date (or rather being put off from a cheap date) is a red flag for me, sounds like they would at least want a free meal if the date sucked
Coffee or casual drinks are perfectly fine.
If they’re expecting food and they happen to be a catfish or fatfish then what will you do? How will you excuse yourself??
Your friends, like many women nowadays (especially the ones who made that dumb list), need a reality check and maybe humble themselves a bit. If they don’t feel valued just because someone is taking them on a coffee date or any casual first date, there’s something wrong with their thinking. First dates are supposed to be getting to know each other, feeling out the vibe, etc. And that should be in a casual, no-pressure environment. If a man did go all out on a first date, that would actually make me uncomfortable.
My go to first date is dinner and games at Dave and busters
I want to sit down and talk to them for awhile and really feel them out. After dinner, we play games and I can see how competitive they are or quick to anger.
Ive been on an ice cream date and didn’t care for it. It was low effort and he showed that multiple times through the 4 hours we hung out.
If a woman demands to be paid for on the first date she is using you.
Always go 50/50
Also, I think coffee dates are fine (as a guy).
I also think that MOST women play way too many games way too seriously when it comes to dating and I am just simply not about that…
Men and women are pretty much equal here in 2023… y’all need to act like it (men and women).
Coffee dates are the best way to go! I’d rather that than dinner, a movie, and an activity. Coffee date is an introduction to each other to see if you guys connect in any way so thhheeeennnnnnn you go on the bigger date. Also, no regret over a bad date and max $15 wasted.
The “ free meal” crowd hate coffee dates