Hi everyone in Reddit, this is my first time writing something here. I always been reading about stories here and I really enjoy the community here.
Long story short, I met this girl in March and we started off as good friends. Slowly we both developed feelings for each other and we just got together in June. Due to us being staying far away from each other, we tried to meet once every week. Then, she got sick. So, as a bf, I bought her gifts from afar, that help her recover which she received it happily. Telling how she glad that I gave her. Everything is fine till I felt a little neglected cause she didn’t text me back like she used to daily. She only replied my message once in 3 or 4 days? At first, I felt that I’m a little selfish because it’s been a month since we last saw each other. At least a call or a text is what I asked for. I told her about that and then, she burst into tears telling me she had tried to do “it” when she was missing the entire month. I was shocked and felt useless that I can’t do anything but listen to whatever she said. Btw, this is when she called me, we still haven’t see each other.
AITA? I don’t know but thankfully, she is seeing a therapist and taking medication. It just that I’m so sad that she didn’t chose to tell me about it and hide it. This is the second time she did this. The first time she told me, she promised that she will live well because she loves me. Now, I don’t know what to do, I love her so much that it hurts. I want to help her but due to my work nature, I couldn’t be there all the time for now. I always try my best to be there for her but all she say she don’t think she have a future and do not want to live anymore. She told me that she’s a burden but she’s not to me. I love her a lot, honestly, I don’t planned to leave her or anything like that. What should I do? How do I support her in this?
2 comments
Hello
I don’t consider the first part as selfish. so please don’t see it like that. You felt neglected and that is a normal human reaction. You were used to the daily conversation, in truth the gifts you given is what I believed made her make the interactions more on a daily basis, she reciprocated with attention, in kind it was like a gift to you. But the tapering off to 3-4 days for a reply is where the red flags show for anyone, yes we all have our busy mundane lives, but when you go from daily contact to sporadic messages, you are not selfish in thinking that you are neglected. So wipe that from your mind.
You are resolute in what you want in typing on here, that you don’t plan on leaving her. But please don’t lie to yourself and stay with her out of fear that she might off herself if you broke up with her, that is living a life not eggshells, but one on a tight rope with glass as the thing that will break your fall.
If you truly love her then be there and support her, but also take into account of your job, time can be spared, but work and your career in whatever field you have is also important also. She is getting help with medication and therapy, but that only goes so far, none of it is a wonder drug and for some people no matter what you say or do will ever change that core part of themselves if they want to end it all, they will nod and go along with it until the mask slips.
Make her see that life is worth living for, not just for your love, if she has hobbies, push them forward with a goal in mind. plant the seed of how her family would feel about her demise in her mind, it is a cruel notion to make her feel that way, but taking your own life is a one way trip, you aren’t coming back… The one left behind like yourself and any one she has for family or friends, will be left. Make strong memories and bonds with time away.
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I won’t lie… you cannot watch her all the time, you are not omnipotent, at times she will be alone with her own thoughts. The worst thing anyone in life faces is yourself. Some part of you, even now is probably living in fear of “is she alive, has she done it today?” This isn’t healthy for you also, so please look after yourself in that aspect.
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I wish you and her all the best…
It may be difficult, but breaking up and finding a healthy partner is always the right choice.