I’m talking about the people who are just average or below average in looks, who didn’t have success in the past, probably who lost their virginity “late in life” (think late 20s or even 30s), but now they made changes and are very successful dating-wise. What did you do? What changed? How long did it take?
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***I like ya;***
***and I want ya.***
I became a millionaire.
Limb lengthening
I convinced myself I was attractive.
I am an average guy and I stopped trying. I am trying to stop caring though I haven’t found a relationship yet. It’s just not worth it for me. It may suck but it’s no use for me at all
I’m 42 now and having much more success dating the past 6 years. The difference was that I got in great shape, my career started taking off and I started making more friends with girls. That last part it’s important to not do this with a girl you’re romantically interested in. Just find a cool girl and become her friend. You’ll learn lots, meet new people and she’ll provide social proof that you’re cool enough to hang out with.
I went out and met people. That’s really the key in getting a relationship. Looks get you in the door, being social, and creating connections with others opens the door for romance and sex.
I got divorced. I’ll tell you, life is grand when you aren’t tethered to a woman that doesn’t actually like you.
Idk, but in my late 20s women just randomly started being nicer to me
I became attractive although I lost my virginity sooner then that. Turns out there is ways to bluster your appearance without too much effort. I feel like a lot of men poorly underestimate how they dress or a simple hair cut can make it or break for women. I’m considered conventionally attractive now and a catch lol
What changed was becoming successful myself by way of status/employment position/money/stability/ etc….
However, the success was achieved by having a supportive women who believed in me and was not with me for just my materialism.
For me it’s like my dad’s genes kicked in late, in my early 30s. i was very thin throughout college, and no amount of working out helped. No muscle, flat ass.
My dad was a big, muscular guy with huge arms. At about age 33, my muscles just got big, my flat ass became a bubble butt, it’s was like a second growth spurt. I worked out at the gym starting at 32, 5 days a week for 4 years. Was kind of an ugly duckling that looks like a model in my late 30s.
I got into hobbies I love. It takes so much pressure off being in a relationship because you don’t need them to make yourself happy, and can spend time apart well
Although I just got broken up with so take that with a grain of salt
Work out
My secret? I stopped seeing women as obstacles to conquer and started seeing them as people.
get healthy.
i was overweight my entire life until i hit 40 and decided to be healthy. i quit smoking and drinking, and started walking more. then, i added the gym to my routine. i lost 70lbs so far in the last year. i also started cutting out meat, which really improved my skin.
i don’t think i’m particularly good looking, but i started getting a lot more smiles from women. i started getting more small flirts, and just general compliments from people.
don’t just “lose weight”. be healthy. you’ll feel better too which will give you more confidence
Bold of you to assume anything actually changed about my dating life
Money.
I would call myself average – although lost my virginity at 16 lol but that was solely due to my confidence and arrogance man. It wouldn’t work now as I’m late 20s now but I’m just really social, a little mysterious, witty, and look after myself. Have respect for yourself and be funny dude – it all goes a long way. Also have a great dress sense – mine gets noticed and I get complimented on it often and merged with the above, it works quite well for me. Say yes to drinks always at the start
Define success?
It’s easier for me to get attention and dates now than when I was in my 20s but I’m still single, is that success?
Masculinity may have become more apparent with the years 😍
A lot of luck. Was ugly and on the heavy side for most of my life. I ended up accidentally losing a bunch of weight and becoming pretty skinny while my face also ended up changing drastically where I have been compared to actors numerous times now.
I also got way better at reading people / body language through lots and lots and lots of trial and error (was really hard because I am autistic).
I got to be super good at conversing thanks to my hyperinterests being studying languages which means I had to practice conversations a ton in other languages to improve which directly improved my conversation skills in English MASSIVELY (I have probably thousands of hours logged in practicing speaking my other languages, which ends up with me having tons of time practicing being a good conversation partner , because being fun to talk to means people talk to me longer, which equals more time practicing my target language. I also learned how to be funny and charming after practicing this in other languages to again increase my ability to have long conversations).
I also tend to watch comedies as comfort shows, and accidentally developed impeccable comedic timing and ability to make people laugh as a result.
I also studied a lot of social sciences which helped my empathy grow a lot and having high empathy can be a massive turn on for some people it seems.
I managed to tinker with ny autistic mannerisms a bit so they seem less creepy / annoying and more funny and charming. This has taken me probably at least a decade of practice, before I knew I was autistic, I was trying to turn my weirdness into funness.
I also became more worldly and more into watching the news which apparently also can he super attractive to some people.
There are a bunch of other mostly unintentional stuff too but I am exhausted writing all that.
It is really weird going from being super ugly / unattractive to being attractive and having people hit on me. I am still not used to it at all and oftentimes feel like an imposter if that makes sense.
Delude yourself to the point of arrogance when you comes to confidence. Fake it till ya make, because once you make it, it becomes real. Also fashion.
1. I started exercising.
2. I got some hobbies and built a group of friends to share those hobbies with.
3. I stopped trying to be what I thought women want and embraced my own neediness.
It may have also helped that stories about dragons and superheroes became mainstream.
I think 2 things for me
1. Sticking to my values & focus on being a good person (not a “nice guy”)
2. Grew up & glowed up
I got divorced 🤔😆
No success in the past and none now either. Nothing.
My social skills. I got a job in a hospital 6 years ago and it changed *everything*. I used to be a mute who didn’t focus on his looks. I was actually extremely depressed and full of self loathing over it. But my new job forced me to talk to everyone in every single area of the hospital. It made me face my insecurities. Seeing people so much more attractive getting so much more attention also gave me a drive to focus on my looks. Though the came a lot later.
It took a lot of work and even more mistakes. And longer to get a look that fit me. But I couldn’t be any more different now. I’ve become a massive social butterfly and a natural flirt. My positivity and jovial nature has also made it easier to make people laugh and smile. Which is probably the most important part. People want to be around someone funny, so if you can make them laugh a lot you’re golden.
Also branching out to hobbies and going to events. Gives you a lot of stuff to talk about. Bonus if weird shit happens to you and you spin it into a good tale.
Realizing I was self sabotaging and underselling how good I actually am because I had very low self-esteem and self-confidence around women, as well as unprocessed childhood trauma around girls. I recently decided to work on that, say fuck it and make the first move, and it actually went so damn well I still can’t even believe it. Makes me realize just how much time I wasted being controlled by fear, and I just turned 26
You have to level up your character. Get jacked, be ambitious and learn a skill. Just those two things alone transform your confidence and self-worth. As a result, woman are more open to you.
I made a lot of new friends. Including female friends. Not that I was specifically looking for female friends but diversity helps. Also because I noticed they tend to like and trust me (although I get friendzoned extremely quickly). It boosted my confidence around women in general and made me a better conversationalist.
For me it was a combination of things
1. Gym & Nutrition – I’ve lived in the gym for a year and started tracking my nutrition. Reducing that body fat % while building muscle has exploded my confidence. I get more looks from women all over the place and people are easier to talk to. I feel noticed now. Also means when I get into bed with a woman I’m not worried she’s going to be thinking I’m fat as I know I look good. The grind is real but it’s worth it.
2. Fashion – finding nice clothes, that fit and are stylish has made a huge difference to my confidence and is something women do really pick up on. My style is understated but sleek. This also goes for fragrances and accessories. I buy designer stuff but often used from vinted or from outlets.
3. Practicing social interaction. Literally talking to anyone, flirting, chatting, being open about your day and being interesting. Now during an interaction I am not just focusing on what to say, I am noticing body language, thinking about what the other person means and trying to think about what they are thinking about.
4. Career – this has taken off in the past few years both in terms of earning and making me more interesting. I can talk about work and work related things to anyone for hours now and make it not boring.
For context I’m a 33M who got divorced last year. I was with my ex for 11 years and had not had a proper relationship before her. I went on the apps last year and did ok and then had a girlfriend for most of this year. We broke up about 6 weeks ago and I am now getting much better dating matches with girls from mid 20s and up as well as meeting women in the wild. I also find women are much more open to escalating dates/meets to sex even after 1/2 dates.
Be bold.