My (30m) girlfriend (26f) of 1 year, drunkenly told me that her anniversary with her ex is tomorrow and that he always calls her every year since they broke up. She said that she would pick up the call if she was single. I’m hurt and I feel like a rebound. Not sure if I’m being insecure?

19 comments

1. Tell her answer the call because she is now single

2. Ask her if it would be ok if roles were reversed

3. Let her pick up the call as a single woman and let her know that her attempt to make you jealousy worked just fine.

   Tell her you’re not the kind of man who plays these stupid games, so she won, and she’s single from now on and may keep her ex as close as she wants.

   You know it’s not about making you jealousy. It’s about respect, and she doesn’t respect you.

4. Ah yes, “just” trying to make you jealous. “Just” trying to make you feel pain and anger, and doubt her fidelity. What a great plan! Surely the sign of a healthy, stable relationship!

   I don’t know that this is actually the case though. This might be a cover story to hide an even worse situation: she was telling the truth.

5. As a woman who is still Friends with her ex, I don’t see a particular problem with this. I know that I wouldn’t want to be together with my ex in a romantic sense, but enjoy the friendship with someone who I share a lot of memories with. Are there other things she has done that make you think that you’re a rebound? I do think It’s weird that she’s using something like this to make you jealous. That’s more of an orange/red flag to me than her being in touch with her ex every now and then.

6. The mistake here was telling you because its just information that would only upset you. However, she has him blocked, she’s not calling him, and she said she won’t answer him. She mightve mentioned it because this guy is clinging to her which might be uncomfortable. He’s definitely hung up on her but she’s not doing anything.

7. Why is she even bringing this up? Tell her to pick it up you’re done

8. If her being in a relationship with you was getting in the way was reconnecting with her ex and he’s been doing this “every year since they broke up”.. I’m pre sure she just wouldn’t of gotten with you, knowing that when the date comes he’s going to tell. It’s V childish that she only told you to make you feel someway. Without that info I assumed she was just trying to make sure you knew everything, since you guys have been together for a year.

9. She was drunk but you have issues. Get over it

10. Before reading the part about her trying to make you jealous I was going to say you are being insecure. Most of us have a past and if I have an ex that always does things to disrespect my boundaries, I will always tell a current partner to ensure there’s no threat there and if I didn’t tell them it would seem a dirty little secret.

    If she’s trying to make you jealous, she knows exactly what to do to get a rise out of you.

    You need to sit down and discuss why you feel insecure and why she feels the need to make you jealous – two traits that don’t equal a healthy, trusting relationship in my books.

    Talk about your needs and how to improve things or cut your losses and walk away

11. Talk to her when she’s sober and ask why she feels the need to make you jealous. Maybe it’s a thing she needs to work on for herself or maybe you’re not making her feel appreciated or wanted

12. Sounds like she made the whole thing up. He probably doesn’t call.

13. If it’s a deal breaker, then it’s a deal breaker. But talk to her, she may not have any feelings for her ex now.

14. Well, there’s a few points here I think are important to consider.

    1. He’s blocked. She has tried and continues to try avoiding him. He’s the one who is calling, not her.

    2. She said IF she was single. She isn’t. Maybe these annual calls wreck her day and if she was single she’d humor him for the sake of peace. You didn’t say if they cozily reminisce for an hour.

    3. She also didn’t say why she would pick up – does she hook up with him and have sex with him annually? Doesn’t seem like it. Or does she feel badly for him? Maybe he has threatened self harm in the past, or just cries. It’s not impossible or even unlikely.

    4. If she still had feelings for this guy, if you were really a rebound, I feel like someone who is prone to insecurity would have sensed this before a year had passed.

    5. She was drunk. She likely wasn’t trying to hurt you, she was thinking about it because she was anticipating the inevitable, wanting to let you know before it happened. Imagine how you would have felt seeing a random number pop up on her phone, her declining in the moment and then you asking for an explanation about who that was. Would that have been better?

    She could have handled it better. She could have been sober. She also could have said nothing, taken his annual call and never told you. Would you have preferred that? Be honest, OP.

    But if she didn’t seem like she was looking forward to his call, if she seemed resigned to telling you, if she didn’t play it down or act like it was a laugh – you’re not a rebound. She wants you to know about something real in her life and doesn’t want it to be a secret – not really.

    For all those saying you are single now, or to dump her, ask yourself: do you really want to end a relationship with her for something someone else repeatedly does to her without her consent, like calling her around her block?

    That seems unfair. To end a relationship because she was honest with you about something that she isn’t doing, but is being done to her.

15. So she told you she still hears from her ex on their anniversary and makes little to no effort to just cut him off entirely, and then later backpedaled saying she was just trying to make you jealous? I’d find it difficult to ever trust her again. She didn’t cheat (at least not that you know of), but she’s made it clear that he still holds space in her head in a way that is not healthy.

    If they had to co-parent or parted on good terms or still ran in the same social circles, it wouldn’t be absurd to still be in contact. This doesn’t sound like any of those scenarios. I don’t think it would be unreasonable to leave her over this, but perhaps another conversation would help you make up your mind if you’re not sure. Either way, you are not just being insecure about this.

16. The “trying to make you jealous” is way worse than anything else.

17. Please give an update. I’m sure we all want to hear you get out of this toxic relationship asap. As a happily married woman who has came from toxic relationships. You don’t do what she did to someone you actually love and see a future with. She’s just playing you like you said. The fact that she brought it up to hurt you(make you jealous) for no reason is just a truth that came out while drunk. She still very much thinks about her ex. Let her go to her ex.

18. This! I understand it’s a situation that makes you feel jealous or possessive. But people have whole, intricate lives for you meet them. And if you shut her down and shut her out, over a phone call she didn’t even take, he will regret it immensely. OP, if she had bad intentions she wouldn’t have said anything. Her saying “I was trying to make you jealous” is her trying to center the situation around you (like you’re making it) so you don’t feel like it’s centered around him. But if you make it hard to be honest and tell you things, she will stop telling you things. Consider that.

19. Hello! I am a 25F that used to be a young and notably terrible girlfriend that did a rebound after a relationship like hers.

    1. I moved on too quickly however, my rebound was a piece of shit and I used that to make me want to stay with my also shitty ex
    2. I kept contact with my ex and went back to him- just to have him totally destroy me.

    Now that I am older with more self esteem and no longer with anybody shitty- I can tell you that if she was trying to make you jealous, she might be coming to the realization that she DID find better than her ex, but it’s still not where she wants to be. Or she is going to do exactly what I did and she’s trying to get you to show Color’s that make her ex look better to her. She doesn’t want what she has but she doesn’t want what she doesn’t have. So if she makes you jealous then she doesn’t have to choose.