For some background context before this relationship I was previously in a 6 year verbally and mentally abusive relationship. I am now in a happy and healthy relationship but I am struggling with the lingering effects of my ex and how he treated me. We have been talking for almost a year and dating officially for three months. Recently my boyfriend has been snippy/snapped at me a couple times. Nothing huge but for some reason it triggers me so badly. For example, today I got out of the car to open the gate for him at his new townhouse. The gate wasn’t working and he said something out the window to me. I couldn’t hear him so I asked him what he said he raised his voice and snapped “push the buttons hard.” Then the gate continues to not open. He gets out of the car sighing in annoyance and of course it opens on his first try. I got in the car and wanted to cry. I’m not sure why his annoyance upset me so much. I went from being cursed at and called names daily in my last relationship but him sighing and getting snippy nearly sent me into tears. We’ve had a few moments like this over the last few months and I don’t know how to respond or tell him it is upsetting me when he snaps. I usually just pull away and go silent. I know this sounds very trivial but leaving an extremely abusive relationship where someone put me down constantly and told me I was stupid, I’ve realized I don’t know how to stand up and advocate for myself well and would like some basic advice on what to say to him.
TL;DR My(24f) boyfriend (27f) has been getting snappy with me and I don’t know how to tell him it is upsetting me and triggering to me.
3 comments
Imo you just need to be vulnerable and honest with him about the situation. It sucks but it will definitely help. He should be able to understand or at least try if he cares about you and if you have a future together.
I agree with the comment about vulnerability, let out the tears if you need and see how he handles that, there’s nothing wrong with being sensitive especially considering your past!
One time in my boyfriends car, he was driving out the gate and I unbuckled my seat belt about to get out the passenger seat and close the gate for him and he instantly said “stop stressing yourself out” and did it himself lol. I’d be very upset even if I haven’t had an abusive relationship before, screaming and carrying on is not acceptable for a situation so little.
My ex from a few years ago was very emotionally abusive, yelled at me and berated me constantly. My recent ex knew this but was still snippy and looked for fights. You should be honest with your boyfriend and if he tries to tear you down that’s a poor reflection of him