For example, say you’re on a date and you play mini golf, or you’re at the arcade (where there’s skee ball, air hockey and all that sort of stuff).
Do you like when your SO lets you win? Not necessarily win every game, but lets you win a bit too so that it’s fun for both of you you know? Would love women’s thoughts/insight on this.
29 comments
I think it’s pretty funny that you assume we’d need people to *let* us win, like we’re not capable of winning something without the other person throwing the game.
But fuck that shit. I find it patronizing and stupid.
I don’t need anybody to let me win, it feels immensely patronizing and like I can’t beat anyone at anything just because I’m a woman.
My bf doesn’t let me win just because, but he’s so encouraging if I’m wining (mostly at pool, that’s the only game where I’m as good at him). Like 0 sore loser, he would say something like “I’m so proud you are mine”
I hate it. I either win or lose, but in an honest manner. I’m a lot more competitive than my husband, and if I would get the feeling he lets me win at something, I would be…mhm…. A mixture of disappointed, angry and in a general bad mood.
No. That’s only understandable when you’re a kid. I like to try my best. If I fail, so be it.
He’ll be good at some games, and I’ll be good at others
You don’t know them well enough to know if they want a pity win, but you automatically assume you are going to beat them? That’s messed up.
I am actually incredible at target shooting. I am not good at golf or bowling, but those shouldn’t be done sober anyhow. The worse I play the more fun they are.
It’s ok your a team with your SO. Married ?
I’m not a very competitive person, so I’d prefer we just play for fun and not make a big deal about who wins or loses.
I would feel so incredibly disrespected and looked down upon if someone let me win. I’m not an emotionally immature small child who “needs” to win a race in Mario Kart to not throw a tantrum, just view me and treat me like an adult, please.
I’d just want him to share the fun with me without caring about scores and who wins or not, it’s a date, not a competition or a showoff. I’d also equally appreciate him giving me non-condescending tips on how to play better, because learning and being shown something new is an enjoyable activity too! Though if he repeatedly took me to only do things he knew he’s good at while I’m not, he’d need to switch up his date plans.
I will crush you. Never surrender.
No. That’d be weird.
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If my SO was playing with a my young niece or nephew and let’s them win then that’s adorable.
But with me, I’d want them to give me their best effort and actually compete to see who wins fair and square!
They don’t have to do all that, but trying really hard not to lose is definitely a turn off. I played tennis with this guy I was seeing, and as soon as I got in the lead, he started playing really aggressively, as if he was embarrassed to lose to a girl 🙄
No, not at all because I am not a child and can win without help.
Asked this exact question in the over 30 sub last month about a real world scenario.
In that example, a friend of mine was upset becsuse she went on a date with a guy, and he *blatantly* let her win at cornholy buy “pretending” to miss badly and making kind of playful sarcastic comments like “ohhh no! Oops!” Kinda thing and she took it as very disrespectful.
But, with my fiance, on our third date, I invited him to go bowling and I talked it up like I wanted it to be competitive. Little did I know, he used to bowl semi-competitively and has like a 225 average so he would’ve absolutely smoked me lol.
Instead of pretending to be bad or playing super serious which wouldn’t have been fun, he intentionally made the score close and tried to match my score and I ended up “beating” him like 100 to 98. I thought it was super cute and endearing that he made an effort to make it fun but didn’t do it in a condescending or belittling way.
A lot of the comments had the same sentiment, if there’s a variance of skill involved (there’s things I can beat my fiances ass at and I’m not going to let him win lol) but like in her scenario that’s honestly a little misogynistic to assume “she can’t beat me”. Like that’s something you do with a 5 year old.
If I can easily beat someone at something and we’re just playing for fun I will intentionally try to keep it a close game for them. Just to keep it interesting.
I don’t like being bad at things but I don’t want someone to let me win either. I just want to have fun and not pay attention to the score.
I expect each person to play to win. However…its no being trounced all the time. Last time I played (pool) against a more experienced and therefore better opponent, they made the game fun by having me call their shots, making it more challenging for them, and more interesting for me.
The object is fun time together. Not stomping your SO into the ground over a game
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i think it would be nice if it was once in a while and not in a patronising way
Hahah, “let” me win. We are both extremely competitive so if we are playing something, it’s on like donkey kong. That dude wishes he was good enough at everything to “let” me win.
Yes I like it, and expect it 🤓
My husband is exceptionally talented with board games. I have never won a single game.
I would like to win one, just one, but I feel like I’m playing against Bobby fucking fisher over here and I’m annoyed.
No, I’m not interested in a mercy win. It’s fake and patronising.
No. I’m a woman, not a child.
I am not very competitive and I just dislike it when they’re a sore loser or like, too ruthless and ambitious. If I’m playing Catan, I’m doing it for fun my dude, just take a breather.
I am NOT good at ANYTHING where u can win or lose, but I like playing casually for fun! … But it’s kind of a bummer to go into it chill & have the crap beat out of u by someone giving it 100. I don’t care about winning, but it’s just not fun for me to play with aggressively competitive people bc of our different play styles.
At the same time, I’d feel patronized and offended if someone I’m playing with is obviously treating me like a toddler, purposefully throwing it, etc.
My partner is an aggressive gamer/ arcade person with his friends, but knows that I don’t enjoy playing like that. So, he plays more relaxed with me. I still lose, almost always, but I sometimes grab a win or two that I’d never get otherwise. And that’s fun and exciting.
OP, I think it’s less about “letting” ur date win & more about playing TOGETHER during the date. If they’re great at the game & giving it their 100, do ur best back at them. If they seem disheartened about their skills, non competitive, or are simply bad at it (like me), then maybe try to create a fun, chill atmosphere, not a competitive one, necessarily.
EDIT: AND he gives me advice about stuff that I struggle with or walks me through what I need to do when I get stuck. I do the same on the rare occasion I’m the skilled one (shout out to my Mario kart strat). So it’s like, yeah he’s better & beating me, but he’s helping me improve & hyping my progress, which is super nice (((:
Obvious disclaimer that this advice only applies if ur partner feels the same way I do, all people are different, etc etc.
The fun isn’t in the winning! Especially when you are playing with your date. The fun is in the flirting, the laughter, the kissing, the mock-battle, etc.