I literally just exist and people treat me differently and more nicer to other people. I’m a self aware person so I know I didn’t do anything bad to them other than to exist. Why are people like this?
And I mean any people were like that to me. Not a select few.
Edit: How do I make myself look ‘friendlier’? I train my eyes to look more friendlier. I smile. I try my best to avoid conflict but nothing’s working.
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Is there a question
A philosopher once said: And we can realize that the answer to differences in these perceptions lies neither in trying to dominate others’ perceptions nor in trying to subordinate our selves to their perceptions or prescriptions.
>Edit: I want to add that I’m not white. That might’ve been the case :/
Yeah, this or being very physically attractive were my top two candidates.
Jeremy meeks is proof personality means less than nothing
I’m 100% convinced “social skills” are just looking good and “fitting in.” People suck, I’m sorry.
You might look at them funny and unwelcoming, maybe you have a resting bitch face. But I’m pretty sure it’s almost all in your head.
It might all be in your head.
Self fulfilling profecy most likely. You think people hate you so you act distant as if they are your enemy by default. Unconsciously others pick up on that energy and give it back so it confirms your bias. Either that or you’re aggressive when talking/body language-wise.
Honestly you can do that same think but in reverse where you think everybody loves you so you act more friendly around them, seen how that works out 😉 (This is no joke it worked for me)
If you want to LOOK friendlier, try to practice smiling with your eyes, smiling more, open body language (no crossed arms or legs, look in the eyes, speak confidently), you can also play with colors (example blue is peace, green is nature, white is pure and bright but red is passion and danger so maybe stay away from wearing red)
You can also opt for softer hairstyles aka no blunt cut, use layers, and for makeup go soft and try to make your eyes bigger by emphasizing the middle of your eyes (mascara mostly in center of the eye, white pencil on waterline etc…)
Hope this helps!
On some level, I think other people can sense when you aren’t feeling comfortable. If you try to look friendlier, you might also turn people off because they know you’re trying hard.
Perhaps you can turn those feelings inward, and instead of thinking, “I hope people like me” try to think something like ,”I am having a good time and am open to sharing those experiences with others.”
Without concrete examples, there’s not enough info for a truly helpful answer. That said, there are only 3 possibilities here –
1. People do not dislike you and you are projecting your own insecurities. This is not mutually exclusive with the other two, as this is often self-fulfilling, which others in the thread have pointed out
2. People do not dislike you, but your demeanour or appearance is off-putting or telegraphs an unwillingness to engage.
3. People do dislike you – your words, actions, or way of speaking are off-putting in some way, put you haven’t been able to identify how.
Assuming 2,3, or 2+1, 3+1 is a problem, you have to observe the precise moment at which people close off or start treating you poorly is relative to when you meet them. If it’s right away, you’re probably looking at 2. If people close off to you after being initially friendly, it’s probably 3.
If 2 is the problem, you’re on the right track by smiling and trying to seem friendlier, although I would pay special attention to make sure that you’re doing that correctly (i.e, certain facial muscle activation combinations can make you seem creepy, threatening, or non-genuine). You also want to be aware of your hygiene and grooming – get a sense check on your presentation from a close friend or a relative if needed. Be mindful of your posture, your resting expression, etc. Lots of good videos on this.
After that, we’re starting to look at 3. If this is the problem and you want to fix it, you should be introspecting honestly and assuming you aren’t as self-aware as you think. It could be a very innocuous fix, so don’t kick yourself too hard.
Some common reasons people might close up to you:
– Coming on too strong, seeming needy
Get good at reading people’s body language and demeanour to sense how willing they are to engage. Allow other people to dictate the depth and topic of conversations. Don’t overshare, and give the impression that the reason you want to talk is because you’re being polite or interested in them, not because you need just anybody to talk to. Don’t let there be a power dynamic in the conversation with you in the weaker position – you’re just *being*, not trying to sell yourself or unload baggage on the first ear to listen to you.
– Dominating the conversation
Make sure you learn to read the room and how people react to the things you say. Don’t unleash uninterrupted streams of consciousness. Catch yourself if you start talking too much and open the floor for other people to talk and share their thoughts. Don’t try to one up people.
– Not carrying a conversation
On the opposite side, make sure you’re not giving one word answers to people, and that you have things to say for when people are actually interested in you.
– Too much negativity
Don’t burden people, no sob stories, politics, etc. Don’t assume they won’t like you, assume they don’t care, etc. because that will show in your attitude, expression, cadence, etc. and they’ll think something is up.
Maybe this is all basic stuff, maybe helpful, maybe not. Good luck, OP
I’m not making any accusations here but just hear me out, I too thought I used to be hated for no reason until i realized i was an asshole to others all throughout my school.
This happens all the time. me and my friends can go to a restaurant and the hostess will be so nice and cheery to them but instant silence and mean mugs and break eye contact to me. Not just women guys too, I’ve worked at places where guy coworkers just hated me for no reason. The reality is some people don’t grow up. They treat you good or bad based on attraction and popularity just like high school. If they don’t perceive you as one of the “cool people” they’ll treat you accordingly… one time I walked into a room and introduced myself to a group of people and they said “we’re full”… that’s when I learned grown men and women still have clique Behavior.. the moral of the story is: go where you are celebrated not where you are tolerated, this is all we can do…
Honestly I think that you would know if you were self aware. Or maybe you just think people dislike you when they don’t.
They want attention. If you don’t give it to them they’ll either get back at you or just avoid you. I prefer the latter
Are you boring? I feel that’s what my issue is. I think people gravitate towards those with energy and strong feelings or independent opinions. …
edit: having opinions might also get you some enemies along the way, but I think it was Eminem who said something like “you have enemies? Good.”
What the fuck does you not being white have to do with anything?!?!
I don’t agree with people that it has anything to do with how attractive you are or that you’re not white. I’m not white either and definitely not attractive but people still treat me kindly. Maybe not as kindly as Mr. Greek god but I make a lot of friends/acquaintances that are excited to see me when we’re around one another. I like to go to bars/clubs, concerts/shows, very social events. I find it’s always easy to pick up a conversation with a stranger and have a good interaction. I’m a 5’8″ below average Latino looking (I’m actually asian) guy.
The biggest factor is probably your body language. Good posture makes a huge difference in how people perceive you. Are your shoulders slouched? Is your chin down? If so, you give off a weak, meager vibe that people catch onto. When you stand up tall and proud, people notice that as well and gives an entirely different impression.
My advice, work on your mental health and adopt a more positive mindset. It’s a lot easier to look good if you feel good. Vice versa applies here, too, so going to the gym and building a good physique can do a lot for your mental well-being.
It’s about finding your people, giving and receiving love, everything else is just confetti.
Same. Literally every time I start to talk to a person they reveal to me that they disliked my at first even though I might have never said anything to them.
At my old job I’d been working there for a while but as time went on people started talking to me and once they figured out that I wasn’t the person when they thought I was we got a long just fine but that really did sit with me. Even though I’ve never interacted with them they had a negative opinion about me and this isn’t the first, second, or third time it’s happened
Do you happen to have a “resting bitch face”?
Hmmmm. Ok last year I was at my job just sitting in the break room. A sub who was often in the building came in and started talking to me. I barely paid attention, I was, I admit, very rude and unfocused. Out of nowhere she asked me what did she do wrong to make me not like her, why did no one at the school like her, blah blah blah…I told her I was sorry for being so rude, I was just sad because my dad had just died a few weeks before and we’d just had his funeral some days before.
I was gone a week but couldn’t take off more time.
I guess I’m trying to say that what you consider ‘dislike’ may not be that at all, it may not be anything remotely to do with you at all.
Try not to look for antipathy from people off the bat, and take nothing personally from strangers. It takes time to get to know others and it means extending yourself a little bit and buffering yourself from perceived insults.
Trying too hard can look phony and people can feel that. There are many videos/courses online to learn the art of conversation. You can’t look friendlier without actually being friendly. Again, people feel that. Smiling is good but that smile has to reach your eyes, meaning the smile on your lips has to match a twinkle in your eyes. If there’s a smile on your lips and your eyes are saying, “I’m bored to death” or “this person is horrible” it’s not gonna work.
Maybe they don’t respect you, at least I think that’s the case with me for example.
Keep to yourself honestly it’s okay you don’t need friends. They come and go either way. You’ll meet people in the future who like you. People are assholes you can’t please everybody.
i havent check the comments yet but im sure they all blamed you for your loneliness like they do all the time on these forums
Hard to say what’s going on without us actually knowing you or seeing you in the presence of other people, but I’d say a tip to help you gauge this situation would be trying to compare how *you* act towards others compared to how others act. It can be small things for starters, like the way people say hello, or how they engage in conversations. I’m not saying there’s anything inherently wrong with you, but if you have the impression that everyone is a bit weird with you, there might be something that you are unconsciously doing that is pushing them away somehow.
We communicate mostly through body language. What are you subconcioisly telling others to make them avoid you. What you are thinking gets reflected in your facial muscles and structure.