I have been realizing a lot about myself lately and feeling like I am a bad person. I have talked a lot of shit about one of my friends and she has been made aware of it and I feel very bad. I have done this throughout my life with friend groups where everyone just talks shit about everyone. It’s gotten to a point where when I’m doing it I feel guilty but I still continue though I know it’s wrong. What is wrong with me? Am I a bad person? How can I stop talking about other peoples lives and worry only about my own? Sometimes I feel like it’s because deep down I get jealous of others or am miserable with my current life that it makes me feel better talking about other peoples lives. Please be kind in the comments I am trying to change but just need some tools.
6 comments
Therapy is your friend.
I don’t know the answer, but I do know that I struggle with similar issues. Sometimes I think I do it to help my own self esteem and to connect with others by bonding with a us vs. them mentality. The problem is when I realize that sometimes I’m the “them” with the part of the “us” that I think I’m connecting with. In other words, I’m not strong enough to check myself as I fall into the trap of trying to be liked. But when I find myself stuck in that trap, as I try to climb out of it, I make better decisions about gossip and just being a dick in general. No doubt, it is a struggle.
The best way to feel better about yourself is to become a better person.looking down on others is a distraction but at the end of the day you stay the same, and in the case above, you actually end up feeling worse because now you’re just being a shitty friend. I get that it’s hard to change yourself, esp when you may be in bad circumstances that are beyond your control, but you do have the power to change your character. That much *is* under your control. So even if your life isn’t going the way you want, you can take pride on the fact that you’re a genuine person with integrity, which is hard to find these days.
Just stop talking about people. When you feel the urge just stop and ask yourself ” what does this have to do with me or my life ” ” is this person paying my bills ? ” then you will soon realize it’s pointless and it’s not giving the proper energy.
Thank y’all for the responses helped me a lot❤️
You’re not a bad person. Talking bad about others usually stems from insecurity. But it can also be a learned habit from your parents/caregivers growing up or your friends. Insecurity is hard to fix but habits can be changed. So start with changing the habit and it will become easier over time when you’re no longer conditioned to talking bad about others all the time. As someone who used to struggle with this as well I can say that the feelings of being annoyed by other people will never go away, but you can train yourself to just keep it to yourself. It’s hard at first bc it almost feels unjust not to express it to someone, but you’ll get used to the feeling of restraint…in just knowing and not telling…and that in itself will bring a little bit of confidence to you.