When you have a bad day at work and you remember your dad is dead

12 comments

1. Don’t beat yourself up, bud. New jobs are difficult. New processes, new culture. If someone in the org put you in a position to do significant damage at 5 weeks, that’s on them. Also, I’m sorry about your dad.

2. I have 15 years experience in tech and now am pretty senior in a public tech company. I’ve made plenty of mistakes – no idea if I can help, but I’m here to help if you want to chat through anything.

3. I get it. I lost my dad when I was 14. It has always been hard not having anyone in your life to confide in. I started a new job too. Most days I feel like throwing up. It’s stressful and it’s not really a great fit. Hang in there. Life is what it is.

4. I get it. Yesterday was the three year anniversary of my dad dying. My dad always was worried or seemed like he was that I wouldn’t figure my life out. And I was pretty aimless.

   It’s ironic in some way I met my wife four days from now three years ago and started what’s turned out to be my dream job four months ago. I had one random conversation with my dad a few weeks before he died, our last, where he’d learned I was just diagnosed with ADHD at 35 and he surprisingly said he saw a lot of that in himself after researching it. I never felt closer to him and then… he was gone. And now I’m here and I wish he could know that I figured it out.

   Anyway, it’s okay to feel terrible. He meant a lot to you and it sucks that our dads are dead. This too shall pass.

   You can still write a book too. Even if it takes you a long time or never gets all the way done.

5. I lost my Mom Dad as well and I’ve had days at work like you are talking about. Keep moving forward and hold your head up. Keep moving forward because your kids need you like you need your Dad.

   Doesn’t make it easier but you have a reason to keep moving. I feel for you because I’ve been there. Good luck OP.

6. I’m with you. My dad passed away last year. I spoke to him on the phone a minimum of once per week. Often, I spoke to him multiple times. He was always in my corner and I loved to share my ups and downs with him. The world is not the same without my dad in it. It’s like a giant hole in the middle of my life. I miss him every day.

7. oh man, sorry dude. And I know that feeling, grief changes and ages you, lost my brother in law and I sometimes think I’m a different person now.

   No magic solution sorry, just get through it as best you can.

8. It’s the opposite for me.
   It’s like fuck this day is awful but, doesn’t even compare to losing my dad. Losing my dad was way worse and reminds me this is just a job.

9. Lost my mom in 2018 to colon cancer and know how that feels. I think part of fully growing up/becoming a man is realizing that nobody is coming to help you. But I like to think how happy she was at my wedding, how she was proud of me for what I’m doing with my life, how she loved the family I’m building, and how she would want me to keep going—even though she’s just in my memories now, she still inspires me to do better for her.

10. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

    One phrase I hated hearing as a kid was “you have to slow down to be fast.” It didn’t make any sense but it was my Dad’s way of saying “if you don’t have time to do it right the first time, it will be biting you in the butt.”

    “When you find yourself up to your armpits in alligators, you wonder why you were in a rush to drain the swamp.”

    Do give yourself time to enjoy nature. Get outside and go for a hike. Go ride a bike. Be a kid. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

11. > He wasn’t perfect but he was a champion for me in all things.

    You don’t have to hang onto that first part.

12. Sending you lots of love man, my best friends father passed from cancer in 2020 and I hung out with my buddy for the first significant time since then, he just seemed to have lost a piece of himself