My partner (30M) told me (26F) today that an ex sent him an email saying hi. He replied saying hi back, they asked how he was doing and he told them politely that while he was good, he was also married now and felt it would be disrespectful to me, his spouse, to engage in conversation with an ex. He wished them well and they didn’t respond.
When he told me, I was thankful he handled it and wasn’t rude or nasty towards them, just politely shut down anything that would potentially come from that.
But something kind of nagged at me. So I searched their name in his email (he was right next to me so it wasn’t behind his back or anything) and saw old Facebook emails saying this person had sent him a message on messenger. It wouldn’t let me see what was said, which is probably better for my mental health, but the emails dated back about 6 months, they were consistent, and ended days before we reunited for our wedding which was a few weeks later. (We were long distance, countries apart at the time)
I don’t know how to feel about it. On one hand, I want to make the choice to not be angry about it. It was in the past, it’s not like I’m going to leave him over it, but it bothers me. What did they talk about? Why did they need to talk anyways? Did he tell them we were getting married? Was it casual? Was it romantic in nature?
We have a good marriage. We have children together and we are expecting again. But this is bothering me. Are these just pregnancy hormones or would this annoy you too? I don’t know what I really expect to come of this. Guess I’m just venting or looking for perspective?
I’m glad he made the right choice present day, but I guess I wonder if knowing all that before we said “I do” would’ve changed my mind… please be kind. I know it may be silly to some but I don’t have anyone else to talk to.
3 comments
There is nothing your going to do, so you have to figure out a way to release this. Fighting about it isn’t going to change anything. It was in the past and it isn’t the man he is today.
He’s done the right thing by you, so like you said, you’re not leaving, so you have to let this go.
It’s normal for it to bug you. After all, you guys were in a committed and exclusive relationship so you would assume he wasn’t contacting an ex leading up to your marriage. I think the fact that he dismissed her now that she was reaching out again says a lot about him and that he respects you. But again, it would bother me too so you’re not overreacting.
Yeah that would definitely annoy me. I’d probably ask to see the messages. Or at least ask what they were about. But like you said, it probably wouldn’t change anything except how mad I got since I wouldn’t leave the marriage either. So. Idk. I’m sorry you discovered that but maybe the messages were platonic. My ex used to text me randomly trying to be friends all the time. And I would respond in an annoyed fashion re-emphasizing that I never wanted to be friends. Until finally I just told him to not text me anymore. So, you never know. It could have been something like that.