so my ex of 4 months reached out to me last night which I never thought he’d do. he called me and apologized. I have a boyfriend and he overthinks every little thing and gets upset easily. i decided not to tell him this since not much happened and it was just an apology. but today as soon as I woke up my first thought was my bf and I felt really guilty for hiding this from him so i decided to tell him and reassure him that he need not worry and that it was just an apology. and when I told him, as expected he got pretty mad and sad and he kept saying why i responded when I had a bf. i told him that whatever happened, happened and I’m not the kinda person to have fueds with someone for so long cuz i literally don’t see any point in that, and that no matter how wrong they did me I’d still be there for them if they needed help. and for some context my ex has insanely high ego and i never thought he’d reach out and apologize. so when he (my ex) called i thought it was for something else…i explained everything to my bf but he repeatedly keeps asking why I still talked to my ex in the first place. he says i should’ve just ignored. i honestly don’t know what to do i tried my best to reassure him but am I the a-hole?
3 comments
You’re not the asshole for accepting an apology from your ex, especially when your intention was to clear the air and move forward positively. It’s a sign of maturity to be open to resolving past issues. However, it’s important to consider the feelings of your current boyfriend, as his reaction is understandable given that he might feel insecure or threatened by the interaction with your ex. Communication is key in this situation. Try to have an honest and calm conversation with your boyfriend (make sure he is calm this time), reassure him of your commitment to your current relationship, and let him know that you value his feelings and want to work through any concerns together. Ultimately, accepting an apology is not inherently wrong, but how you handle it and communicate with your partner can make a significant difference in maintaining a healthy and trusting relationship.
I wouldn’t call you an asshole, since you pretty much just picked up the phone and listened, it’s not like you called him. You never know why people might reach out to you, could be you forgot something, maybe it’s an emergency or something else, but listening to it isn’t really a boundary crossed for most. It’s not like you have been waiting for him to call, to get back together, that would be sad and unfair towards your current boyfriend, but I assume it’s not the case.
Regardless, this comes down to trust, because that’s what it is about, since it takes two people to cheat, if that’s what he’s worried about. I get it that someone might overthink about this, as I used to do as well. In my case some of the trust at that point was broken, so it made me feel suspicious about everything and I didn’t have great self esteem, great combination, I know. So being open about this and both hiding is the way, which should build trust.
In a relationship, you should be able to talk about things that are hard and uncomfortable, because that’s how you make progress. You knew how your boyfriend might react and instead of doing the easy thing, you did the right one and told him, now it’s just a matter of talking about it and resolving it. Like why does he feel that you did something wrong by picking up the phone? Does he think that you are going to leave him? Why would he think about it? Maybe this is the talk you need to progress. Maybe it’s not. I’m just sharing my thoughts and experiences, take it with a grain of salt.
Have more confidence in yourself. Did something else happen that you’re not mentioning here? Cause there’s nothing wrong with what you did.
All you did was answer the phone and talk to someone from your past.
Your bf is showing some pretty sketchy possessive signs. Sure, reassure him, I get it’s uncomfortable when the ex is in the picture but also everyone has some past and you just gotta deal with it and try not to spiral out over every little thing.