My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now. We live about 2 hours away from each other so we’ve been doing the long distance thing. During the very beginning of our relationship, we disclosed our past sexual history with each other. I even got tested straight after we first became intimate with each other because I’m extremely cautious about my health.I came back negative for all STDs. My boyfriend took offense to this, assuming that I thought of him as dirty. After we talked this out, he said he would get tested. This was months ago, and he never updated me on whether he went or not. Fast forward to last Friday, I went to the clinic complaining of abdominal pain and got tested for all STDs. I tested positive for Chlamydia. This was a shock to me, because I haven’t been with anyone else other than my boyfriend, and I tested negative for everything 5 months ago. I immediately texted my boyfriend about my diagnosis and told him he should get tested too. He called me on the phone and told me that he hasn’t been with anyone other than me and he can’t trust my word at the moment. I was incredibly upset by this. I explained that he should trust me enough to know that I’m not the type of person to cheat. If anything, I should be asking him the same question. He said he needs time to think. I respected his wishes. It has now been 2 days and the only communication we’ve had is a goodnight text. I’ve been incredibly anxious about the eventual talk that we will have once he’s had enough space. I don’t want to argue and I shouldn’t have to beg to prove my innocence. Any advice on what I should say or ask him? I don’t want this to ruin our relationship.
TL;DR: I tested positive for Chlamydia and my boyfriend needs space because he thinks I cheated. I did not. How should I go about the conversation we have when he calls?
39 comments
If you know for a fact you didn’t cheat, then clearly he did. This relationship is probably over. Unless you’re okay with dating a cheater that gaslights you every time you find out.
He cheated and he’s trying to pin it on you.
op grow a spine please
So he’s never actually gotten tested since you two met, and yet he’s accusing you of cheating? Gee, I wonder why he won’t get tested.
> During the very beginning of our relationship, we disclosed our past sexual history with each other. I even got tested straight after we first became intimate with each other because I’m extremely cautious about my health.I came back negative for all STDs. My boyfriend took offense to this
As soon as he took offense you should have dumped him on the spot. Never let someone disrespect you the way he does.
He needs space? Give him space for the rest of his life. He’s not a keeper.
>I don’t want this to ruin our relationship.
Your boyfriend did that when:
* He cheated on you, gave you chlamydia and convinced you that you were the one who brought it into the relationship.
* He lied about getting tested, gave you chlamydia and convinced you that you were the one who brought it into the relationship.
>How should I go about the conversation we have when he calls?
Tell him to go fuck himself, but get tested first.
What? He knows he cheated on you. He’s just hoping you cheated too so he doesn’t have to admit anything.
The reason you feel guilty is because he’s manipulating you.
There’s nothing you need to say to him. It’s over.
So you asked an adult man to get STI tested, since you’re cautious about your health, then continue dating him after he pushes back? You’re old enough to know better. And the fact that he’s blaming you says a lot about him
OP, please get a grip. he obviously cheated and is trying to make you seem like the bad guy. dump his ass.
Please think about this logically. You know you were clean 5 months ago. He has never been tested. So either he has been asymptomatic positive for multiple months or he cheated.
He’s obviously trying to escape any culpability for giving you an STI by pretending to be the innocent victim. Love yourself enough to leave him.
It’s time to get angry and take out the trash. Chlamydia is no joke
Girl, he fucking cheated on you. He’s the phone call coming from the house. The fact you are even entertaining any idea other than dumping his cheating ass tells me he thinks he’s gonna get away with it. He’ll do it again and next time it could be a sti that isn’t curable.
Are you really that lacking in self respect?
I hope not.
A lot of people are really ignorant when it comes to STds. Many stds in particular chlamydia are asymptomatic (most men have no symptoms and clear it on their own). Testing positive doesn’t mean he cheated (tho he could have). He could have even tested negative and it been a false negative since basic std screening is only like 85-90% accurate. Talk to him about it educate both of yourself and suss out if your suspicious if he cheated, didn’t ever get tested, or got tested and it was a false negative for one of you. Luckily chlamydia will clear up with abx so you’ll be in the clear once you clear up how it happened
Depending when you got tested “straight after” you were first intimate with him, it could have been too early for the test to show positive.
However, him saying he would get tested and then never saying anything about it is a red flag. Then him jumping straight to you’re the cheater is another red flag.
Please don’t stay with a cheater. You deserve so much better!!!
Symptoms usually take months to show up. I think he already had chlamydia before you guys started dating and didn’t tell you. Hence why he was so defensive when you took an STD test. He apparently has not shared his STD test results with you – I wonder why.
You deserve better, my thoughts are to just focus on treating this infection and dump this guy.
OP I was in almost the exact same situation. I married him as a virgin. I had 2 kids back to back, my oldest was only 8 months old when I went in for my first sonogram. That first sonogram my doctor told me I had tested positive for gonorrhea. Since I had just had a baby 8 months before (lots of testing) I had been exposed in that window between birth and the second pregnancy. He swore he hasn’t cheated, it must have been a bad test, my doctor had it out for him. He was mad that *I* would believe medicine over him.
We eventually ended up divorcing. I know now that he obviously cheated. Please listen to your gut telling you that he’s trying to manipulate you. If you didn’t cheat then he did, and he didn’t even respect you enough to use a condom.
Please leave him.
Someone posted something similar to this the other day and someone commented saying it can live dormant in a female for up to 5 years . I’m sorry I’m sure this doesn’t give you comfort but I guess there is a possibility he maybe didn’t cheat ? Good luck with whatever you decide to do .
If you were clean and he never got tested the onus is on him to prove he’s healthy
My first thought was he cheated and second maybe he has no symptoms and spreads it-either way he sure doesn’t sound like a caring partner
He’s the one cheating
he’s gaslighting you and clearly he’s the one who gave you chlamydia. you need to get away from him asap and work on setting stronger boundaries
It’s fully possible neither of you cheated. Chlamydia can sleep for a *long* time, and is often asymptomatic in men.
However, his attitude toward this is absolutely shit. I’d be seriously reconsidering the relationship if I were you.
The one possibility that neither cheated is if you got tested too soon after the window of first sleeping together. Usually 4-6 weeks is needed for a test to be realiable without a false negative been shown however the doctor usually states this and asks you to come back instead. Or maybe he did have it and you didn’t contract it straight away. Regardless, if he still didn’t go get tested himself it shows a lack of respect, that he was willing to risk both of your health is usually a sign of worst things to come. Stds can make females infertile so by choosing not to check he was clean he put your body at risk.
If you didn’t cheat, then he did, and you have proof by getting tested both times. Don’t let him gaslight you. He’s avoiding you because he knows it’s coming out and you may realize it at any moment.
Oh. He isn’t really mad at you. Trust me he mad at the person he got it from
Sorry to say this, but your boyfriend is 100% cheating. Not only has he had extremely negative reactions to you wanting to get tested and wanting him to get tested (which is totally the CORRECT way of doing things), he is now accusing you of cheating? Yeah love, he’s definitely cheating.
He either already had it, or cheated on you. But this is on him, come on. We all know how this works
He cheated. It’s on paper. Why are you being strung along? Why aren’t you irate?
He’s gaslighting you and deep down you must know this.
Either he cheated on you, or never got tested and has always been positive for Chlamydia. Either way he’s not the one for you, and you should make plans to get out of the relationship. Sorry OP.
If you really didn’t cheat, then he definitely did. And he gave you Chlamydia and is now trying to make you feel guilty. The fact that he didn’t like that you got tested, probably never got tested himself, and is now trying to blame you, is disgusting. Drop that dude and don’t look back.
He’s accusing you and making you feel defensive and afraid to distract you from the logical implications of the facts, which are that he never got tested, he gave you chlamydia.
Buddy. Friend. My gal…..
How are you this oblivious at almost 30 years old?
Throw the whole man in the trash. And find a way to blast him, because the other woman or women he’s sleeping with need to know he’s potentially spreading stds around.
Even if he didn’t cheat he is still being an ass about it. Probably dodged a bullet.
When was the last time he got tested? He could have had it this whole time. But in any case, I’m not sure I could get over the way he’s treating you right now.
I had a gf with a reaction like that to me proposing Std testing. Every interaction with them after that was waste of my time and energy. Drop him, don’t try to convince him to see your side because they won’t and never will. They will put their irrational feelings before your health every time, then hold it over your head, which is clearly what he’s started doing by accusing you of cheating.
If he never got tested, it came from him. He’s being an idiot.
Don’t let him gaslight you. Can he even prove he was clean? Cuz you know your truth and he’s trying to pin a lie on you.
Chlamydia is no joke. My friend had to go through two rounds of antibiotics because it was resistant.
You went from being in a relationship for a year, to having a STD test months ago and he has yet to get one or another test done? I’m confused at the math. Because, it appears as if you get a test as often as Wednesday, and you were trying to manipulate the situation into him getting a recent check up. But, do know, this is off the math which was presented at the time. Something at right, red flag 🚩 statistically speaking, STD’S usually show up within a month.
He’s using classic blaming techniques to get you to stop asking questions and blaming you …sit him down and talk to him face to face and state clearly that
you know you haven’t been with anyone else while the 2 of you are dating and I’ve clearly admitted this and when I asked you, you blamed me so I’m asking you to you’re face and ill know if you’re lying to me
And see what he says. Also, ask him about his results, and if he gives you nothing in return, get up, walk out, say nothing, and block him because he can’t be trusted and can’t take responsibility for what he did to you