Bf going to happy ending massage. Do I have a right to be angry?

42 comments

1. Oooof. Ok there’s lots of things here. #1- your bf is 22, you are 23, and some of your assumptions are a little naive IMO. You say it’s ok as long as he’s not seen? How can he ensure that? lol it’s literally impossible besides not going- so just say you don’t want him to go and leave it at that.

   Second, If a bunch of committed men in relationships don’t want happy endings but are still going then like literally what is the reason to go? Now, could they be going to get other massages that do not include that? Sure! That could be possible. How many people are in this group? Either it’s not that big and a huge majority aren’t in agreement (and it’s weird that you’d all go along with it), or it’s a huge group and in either case it’s totally ok to sit out of certain activities (spoken as a married human who had a bachelorette party and has also been an attendant who has sat out of certain events).

   The lastly, at the end of the day as a middle aged person; you can see this persons immaturity with the fact that they not only don’t seem to acknowledge that this would make a SO uncomfortable, but that all of his friends know and are now bad mouthing you?
   When I was 23, I’d let this go and see how it turns out. However in my current state I am hard pressed to find a situation where I’d be totally chill w this and the behavior with his friends

   Edit: formatting

2. You’re trying to hard to be the “cool girlfriend”. You’re having issues trusting him because he’s trying to do shady shit.

3. Tell him to trust you when you go to a male strip club. Don’t worry, tell him that the guys are just doing yoga and exercises…. Nothing shady… let’s see how fast he change his tune

4. If it’s a deal breaker for you, be prepared to break up over it. He sounds lame anyway.

5. BREAK UP

   There are better guys out there

6. He can go, you don’t want to control him here. The way you set your boundary is this: Sure BF you can go but I won’t be your gf anymore when you get back. Do what you want.

7. If he and his friends want a massage they can go to a RMT. It’s clear why they want to go to a happy ending massage parlour.

   I’m sorry but your boyfriend is either beyond stupid to not see the issue, or he sees the issue and is trying to gaslight you.

   Stick to your boundaries, if he has a problem with that then find a guy who doesn’t. Anyone with half a brain knows this is not right.

8. Yes you have a right to be upset! This is cheating. End of story.

9. Youre being gaslighted and he was gonna get a happy ending and now makes you feel guilty

10. He is cheatingggg you might as well break up

11. No idea where to start, so skipping straight to the end. He is a pos. Break up. God only knows what he’s not telling you.

12. So fucked that instead of just “regular” cheating he wants to go see someone who is essentially a sex slave

13. Ask him if it’s okay for you to go to a massage place where the workers are known to finger women that come in for a massage.

14. Just ew, yuck, no. No no no. End it right now. He is gross, his friends are gross. May the next time you see them be when their mug shots are in the news.

15. It’s cheating. Ask him if it is ok for you to get fingered during a massage or to give a man a massage and a hand job?

16. >I know that they won’t get the happy endings

    Yes they will. If they weren’t going for the happy ending they wouldn’t be going there at all. You’re being willfully naive there. Good news is you’re only 23 and this relationship isn’t the end of the world. Be single or be in a more compatible relationship

17. Ok, that’s cheating. Why would you be cool with that???!
    Not to be harsh, but you’re the doormat girlfriend that he knows doesn’t have the self respect, confidence, or (in his eyes) value, and on top of that he ain’t worth having. Reevaluate your life and leave the relationship. You have so much love and patience to give and you’re giving it to a dusty.

18. He sounds like he wants to be single but also in a relationship too. He need to choose which one he wants he can’t have both. This might be where you need to draw the line with him. Your young you’ll find another heaps of good me out there who would love to be in a trusting relationship.

19. That’s called cheating….

20. You don’t trust him because he is doing something untrustworthy. If he really cares about you why is he doing sobering that he knows makes you so uncomfortable? How would he feel if you did something that made him that uncomfortable?

21. There are plenty of men who don’t want to go to strip clubs or happy ending massage parlours.
    Don’t change your boundaries or standards for this guy. Drop him and find somebody more compatible.

22. You don’t have to be okay with a happy ending place. You don’t even have to be okay with strip clubs.

    If you’re uncomfortable with something and have a legitimate reason, he should respect it. Would he be okay with you going to a massage parlour with men that give the ladies a happy ending?

23. Let me be clear…if a group of guys is going to a happy ending massage place…they ARE getting happy endings. Don’t be so clueless.

24. Why would they be set on going to a place known for happy endings, if that’s not exactly what they’re going to that certain place for? Lol girl…

    You can have this boundary. He’s totally free to go if he wants, and you’re totally free to break up with him over it if that makes you uncomfortable in your relationship. Listen to your gut.

25. Report the massage parlor. It’s probably illegal.

26. Trickle truth will eventually come out he was getting sexual services both at the strip club and the massage parlor. People are who they are friends with. If his friends are all a bunch of dogs who frequent strip clubs and full service massage parlors and he gaslights you when you show concern that says a lot about him, not you.

27. I would tell the girlfriends ahahahah

28. Judging by your post history, this relationship was over long before your boyfriend decided to go to a happy ending massage parlour. Him getting the happy ending or not is irrelevant. You feel uncomfortable with him going and he’s dismissing you. Just end it. You’re 23, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Don’t waste it with this guy.

29. those places are notorious for trafficking. even if he does not get the full service, it’s still ick

30. Tell him the happiest ending is if he stays home with you! But if he goes , it will be a very unhappy ending.

31. I also would not be fine with my boyfriend and his buddies visiting venues where the women who work there are being pimped out at best, and assaulted and abused at worst. Sorry to tell you this but if they just wanted a massage they’d go to an accredited massage parlour, not the one they’re planning on going to. He and his friends sound gross, grown men who visit strip clubs and happy ending parlours give me such an ick.

32. I would dump a man who visited sex workers during our relationship. Period. Get some respect for yourself and dump men who treat you like this!!

33. Sis. Those things ARE brothels and most of the girls in there are being taken advantage of. They just broke up a huge sex trafficking ring inside of one near me.

    Stop bending your boundaries. Having a girl wiggle at you is NOT the same as having a stranger get you off. Wtf? Don’t agree to this. And **leave him.** He’s probably going to cheat anyway if he thinks this is okay. And then bring home STIs to you. (Some of those places are a lot more than a handy-j.)

    He’s allowed to go. And you’re allowed to not be his girlfriend when he gets back.

    Have some respect for yourself. My partner would never ask for this, because he wants to get off with me and not some stranger. That’s sort of the point of a monogamous relationship. And if he was asking for anything other than that, he wouldn’t be my boyfriend.

    God knows what he’s not telling you. Please leave. There are 4 billion other men out there. Go date one of them.

34. Yeah he’s gaslighting you into believing you’re being unreasonable, when not wanting your boyfriend to go shady happy ending massage parlours is perfectly reasonable and normal. His mates are scumbags too by the sounds of it.

    Ditch this guy, there are plenty of men that won’t pull this kind of shit. He’s 100% getting a HE and if you believe him you are naive. I’m sorry, it’s the truth of the matter though.

    If you feel crazy trying to enforce what seems to be a perfectly normal boundary, you aren’t crazy, you’re being gaslit. Any man who loved and respected you wouldn’t even suggest this.

35. He is cheating on you left and right. If you want to stay, you do you, but that’s what’s happening.

36. A lot of happy ending massage places are actually sex trafficking operations. Google it. You’re not being irrational to not want another woman (especially one that was potentially abducted or falsely lured) to give your boyfriend a handjob. Find someone who you only have to tell ONCE that you’re uncomfortable.

37. If I was in your situation, I would not be fine with the guy going to a strip club either. He’s justifying going to this place because you let him go to a strip club before. This sounds really fucked up and has nothing do with trust issues, him and his friends are manipulating and gas lighting you to think this is normal.

38. So, he’s fine if you go to a club and jerk off a random guy right?

39. Girl. Of course they will be getting the happy ending. Come on. You cannot be that naive.

40. Stop trying to be the cool girlfriend.

    You’re allowed to be upset because that shit is disrespectful AF. And it is cheating.
    Yes, you can’t control what he does but you have your boundaries.

    For example, I refuse to be with a guy who goes to strip clubs. So, I will always tell my partner that he can go, but as a single man. I will not be his girlfriend when he comes out.

    You should do the same, you tell him that he can go but not to expect you to still be his gf after he’s done. And fuck his friends. They’re all cheaters. Don’t let him or them convince you that you’re insecure & have trust issues, because this is a manipulation tactic to get you to allow disrespect so that you’re a “cool gf”.

41. Why can’t they go to a normal massage parlor if they don’t want happy endings? And yes, I’d be pissed off in this situation.

42. Have some respect for yourself.