Hi everyone,
When someone is speaking to me (25M), I slightly tilt their head towards them to listen more clearly what they are talking about. I never even realized this until my coworker (30F) told it to me. She first asked me if I have difficulty hearing them, to which I replied no. Then she said that I should not lean towards a person while talking to them. That it is not normal and most people do not do this, and it makes you appear “under-confident and submissive” (In her words).
The thing is that it happens subconsciously and I am not trying to do it on my own. I have no idea why but it just happens. She did not say it was creepy or anything but just something out of the ordinary and peculiar. And she was the only one who has said this to me ever.
So does anyone else also do this or am I the only one? I am definitely not hard of hearing. I read online that people do this to someone they have a crush on but I absolutely and definitely do not have a crush on her lol.
Any idea what could be the root cause of this?
P.S. If it helps I am an introvert with social anxiety and she is a massive extrovert and a high performing employee at work.
3 comments
yep, i am like that too i would lean on people to hear them. idk maybe i have lots of earwaxes. nevertheless, i don’t mind at all even if people would say that to me. in my mind, at least i get to understand them clearly.
I do the same thing because it helps me tune out other stimuli so I can concentrate on what’s being said, especially if the information is complex. Sometimes I’ll even look over a person’s shoulder while talking and concentrating where they end up looking over their shoulder to see what I’m looking at. I’m not looking at anything; I’m looking off. It’s kinda funny.
I wouldn’t put too much stock in your coworker’s words. Is she right? Does she really speak for everyone? That’s unclear. Plus, assuming she’s right, if you demonstrate confidence in other ways, it will cancel out your leaning in. I still lean in and can’t remember the last time anyone claimed I lack confidence.
Nevertheless, if you want to stop doing it, being aware helps. When you catch yourself, adjust your posture. Over time, you’ll stop doing it.
Nope, you’re totally fine. It shows engagement in a conversation, especially in a busy environment.
Conversely, I don’t think calling someone out for their ‘submissive’ posture in the workplace is terribly professional :p