I (25f) had been seeing a guy (25m) for 2.5 months. It was going very well, we agreed on a lot of major things & there was lots of consistency. We tried to have sex 4 times, & every time he struggled to get an erection. This didn’t bother me, and I assured him this was the case. He didn’t seem especially upset about it & said it was unusual for him. He denied having any anxiety about us having sex. After the 4th time he became increasingly distant, & has not been in touch with me for 2 weeks now. I’m confused/upset by this. All the signs he gave me indicated high interest & I am feeling quite stupid for trusting these. Should I have assumed the difficulty getting an erection after the second time was due to a lack of attraction to me (especially when he said he had no anxiety & this was unusual for him)? I didn’t want to ask & make it about me, but I also don’t want to stick around in a situation like this should it happen again.
4 comments
If he went on a date and wanted to have sex with you it’s clear that he was attracted to you. Could be medication or something physical that he has going on. He would of had to fully accept something is off instead he ignored it and avoided you
Could be medication but these days it’s also just as likely that he’s addicted to porn and due to that, it could be tough getting erect and maintaining an erection with women in the real world. Constant viewership of porn can make it way tougher to perform with real women due to the unrealistic expectations porn provides.
Perhaps he has porn induced erectile dysfunction. Why? Because I have the same and experienced the exact same thing with my (ex)girlfriend. I liked her a lot but just couldn’t get hard with her when we were about to have sex. At first I was horrified since when I’m alone everything seems to work just fine. My ex also expressed concern that it may have had to do with her, but I reassured her that I felt very attracted to her. But after doing some digging, I found out porn induced ED was indeed the cause of my problems. I’m 99% sure he had the same thing
> (especially when he said he had no anxiety & this was unusual for him)?
A man you have just met will never feel comfortable telling you the real reason behind such an issue because this is an extremely personal, sensitive area that is tied to a lot of men’s self worth. You can assume that what he said to you was a lie and not the real issue.
> Should I have assumed the difficulty getting an erection after the second time was due to a lack of attraction
You would not have even gotten to the stage of seeing his penis if he wasn’t attracted to you and wanting to have sex.
The real reason is probably a mental issue either anxiety or perhaps over use of porn+iron grip issues due to excessive masturbation. It could also be medication.