My 10 year old son just spoke to me about masturbating. He was very upset and thought he’d done something wrong. He said he had been doing it a while ago but stopped because he thought it was bad.
I was 100% reassuring and positive about what he was doing. It’s completely normal, it’s healthy etc. He shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed, it’s not going to harm him.
We spoke about when and where it’s appropriate to do, not around other people, at home in private.
I explained that as he gets older he’s going to want to do it more and that is okay to do. That as he gets older it’s going to change and ejaculation will happen and it’s nothing to be frightened of.
Covered correct terminology, he didn’t have the right words when he was telling me so I listened to his whole story then explained the right words.
I also told him I was very proud that he spoke to me about it, even though he was upset, it can’t have been an easy conversation for him.
I really wasn’t ready for this conversation, naively thinking he was to young.
My questions are; did I miss anything? Should I have said anything else to him? Should I go back and cover anything else?
Edit: I’m his mother. I share care with his father who is remarried. It did make me feel super proud that he chose me to talk to.
27 comments
It sounds like you have an amazing relationship with your son and handled it perfectly. Great job!
Nah I think you said enough, especially if you emphasized it’s for private times, and that means it’s not really appropriate to talk about it at all.
I think you handled it really well. It’s so important to stress that there should be no shame involved. I recently had this discussion with my 10 y/o nephew (I am his guardian, so it’s not a case of overstepping my boundaries) and I said many of the same things you did, but also reiterated to him that while it’s important to keep it private, it is important for others to keep it private as well. I always try to drive it home to him that his body is his own and that while he is entitled to do what he wants to with it that others are not and to notify me or another trusted adult if someone is being inappropriate with him either in their words or actions. Also, I tell him he is not allowed to touch others inappropriately or even innocently if they haven’t consented. It’s a confusing time for sure, and there are so many things to cover, so I am looking forward to the replies of those who have been there before.
You handled that PERFECTLY! Well done 👍
You tell him about the hairy palms part? /s
that’s amazing!! i’m not a mom and i’ve never had this talk with my mom, so my input is definitely one with limited experience, but reading this i was thinking about porn and the dangers of addiction. obviously your son is young and, like i said, i’m not a mother, but i thought i’d maybe comment, it might be important to discuss sometime (or not! i genuinely do not know). but all in all, i think you did AMAZING!! i’m so happy to know there are moms like you in this world 🙂
From what you wrote it sounds like you said the right things to him.
It sounds like you did a great job for his age. Very proud of you. Well done!
You handled it perfectly by telling him about doing in private at home in his room. But I would also keep an eye out of what he’s watching especially if he have access to electronics, try to invest on a good parent control app, it just scares me to even think about a kid having easy access to porn, maybe also let dad know. Good job mamma!!!!
Good job.. I think you take care the situation well..
Now if go deep, try to find out, how he there? I mean he saw something, he heard? By who? Friend, tv, internet? I told this because, when I was kid a 12 yrs old boy when I was 10 He taught me many things that I didn’t know, and he told me not to say anything to anyone, and he groped me and almost abused me, I was 10 too. So try to go little more deep, take advantage of the trust he has in you
For some reason, this reminded me of the conversation Dan had with DJ on Roseanne.
[The Talk](https://youtu.be/Te5nMVW0Sn4?si=ijjt9g4bTF6y4lj7)
Nice job, mom. If I were you, I’d put a box of Kleenex on his night stand.
Good mommy!
At that age he should also know the basic outline of biological reproduction. I wouldn’t press for a follow-up discussion at this time, but if it DOES happen it may be an indication that he needs to know the connection between his orgasm and pregnancy.
Good stuff! You handled that very well.
The only thing I’d add to what you told him is it’s probably not a good idea to do it too much though. Just like anything in excess, like video games, substances, it’s not healthy. Moderation is important. When appropriate seems to be under the same vein of the conversation.
Did either of you mention the girls that come around willing to jerk him off for his lunch money?
The only thing that I would add is a discussion about pornography. Growing up with unrestricted access to the Internet and not having parents talk to me about the potential damage that pornography can cause has led me to feeling a lot of shame about sexual matters and a multi-year fight to kick my addiction.
Seems like you did a great job, you should be very proud. He has confidence with you and you didn’t belittle him.
I don’t have answers for you, just a holy fuck, good job mom! I’m proud of you for handling it like you did.
I have two adult sons that I’ve raised in Senes four and five I had the same chat when they ware 10 and 11 there ware lot of why and how and when so had to cover all the bases from how to master bait when and where told the the best places is in the shower buy your self and to remember that this journey is it is for you to understand your body and this age no one else is to be present when you do and only in your own home not anywhere else in till you are understanding about it all I show them how to properly use a condom and when they get to that part with girls to always make sure you have a condom on no matter what they understood, and anything they would ask me. It was a journey and lots of why in between.all ways reassure them that there’s nothing wrong with it
You did great, to keep doing great, I would communicate with his father so he can also talk with your son about it too!
You’re a good mother for not being weirded out by your son telling you things about how he’s feeling. My parents would never do shit like that just the word sex freaks them out.
No as a parent IMHO you did well
https://www.theonion.com/local-teen-invents-masturbation-1834307117
Way to go mum. He may have been upset but he reached out and showed his vulnerability but you being the mum you are strengthened his faith to be honest and want to know what’s happening in his mind, body and soul.. Great work.
W parent.
I never had this conversation with mom or dad, and I think I learned about it at a much younger age. I went to a montessori/pre-k school and I have a memory of learning about it from another kid who was there with me.
You’re doing everything right. That’s why he trusts you and feels so comfortable sharing such sensitive personal information. Rock on! If my parents were more like you, it could have saved me tons of needless suffering and shame during my formative years.
My dad was especially bad. When my dad found an old lingerie catalog picture ( protected in a plastic Ziploc bag ) that I carelessly left in the shower, he *threw* it on my bed with a disgusted look on his face before slamming the bathroom door shut. Another time when he found my dirty picture stash in the clothes hamper ( we shared that bathroom ). I overheard him angrily muttering to himself before slamming the lid down. He then blabbed to my mom what he found. My mom- she would periodically check my mail right up until I graduated high school.
My parents were decent people overall, but their fucked up and outdated attitudes about nudity and sexuality made my life hell as a horny teen and young adult. Only now an I starting to realize just how damaging it was.
Thank God there’s more parents like you now, and less like them.