I recently came across something interesting as i don’t know what to say or think as it happened recently. Me and my boyfriend had a small argument on our way home one day coming back from my friends house.. Him being upset because i just wanted my phone back since we were checking the same thing on our phones, he felt like i was hiding something from him so he thought about this as a suspicious act and got upset with me about it. it rubbed me off the wrong way as i have nothing to hide and he is more than happy to look for whatever he thinks i’m doing.
The very next day after work i decide to rest a little as i do work an early shift. i was laying in bed with him before he decides to get up and use the bathroom. I had a gut feeling from the previous night, i took his phone and scrolled through the numerous notifications he had since i was able to see them. I found a notification from an account i’ve never heard of or seen. a secret instagram account. the account was under a different name in which was showing girls name under the instagram account. ( ex) [Joem] maddy has posted a story. )I knew from the start that it was wrong of me to do since i know better than going through his phone. I trusted my gut and this is what i find. It saddens me as we have been together for over more than a year. Is it that hard to break old habits?
I haven’t spoken up about it as i choose to not argue with him as i know he will get upset over the fact i went over his phone and invading his privacy. I just wanna know why he has such an account and for what? I checked on instagram and has about a handful of followers and follows at least 60+ people. I’ve been trying to lay low and monitoring his behavior it’s just not it..Not sure weather to bring it up and continue to act dumb or slowly break it off? I’ve been telling him that i’ve been insecure about myself lately as i made the mistake of looking through his following and seeing girls who are just more prettier and thinner and his race, and i’m the first of my race he’s ever dated. He has a kind and he’s scared to admit. His followings on the other account are girls his race and it makes me overthink that maybe i’m not who he really wants to be with. i’m overthinking but i just don’t know what to do.
5 comments
What did he do, I don’t get it
I don’t blame you for wanting to break things off over this.
If you two need to use the others phone quickly, such as googling something, etc… That’s totally cool.
But to imbed ‘phone checks’ into your relationship as a way to build trust, I think that’s a toxic approach to things. You shouldn’t have to sit there while your partner goes through your stuff to ensure that you’re being well behaved.
Additionally… I hate when people weaponize that idea… You don’t want me to invade your privacy? You must be hiding something.
No… I just don’t want to be put on trial and have to prove my innocence on a weekly basis. Its exhausting and something I should not have to do routinely.
You played a part in it as well by going through his phone… Not sure what to make of what you found… You found him using a random IG account that had notifications from other women? Is that what happened?
Anyways, perhaps this is not the right relationship to be in if neither of you genuinely trust the other person.
Sorry I don’t understand what he did, all I understand is that the account has a name of fruit on it? Maybe elaborate more on it and what the actual issue is cause there really is nothing that’s standing out. 🙁
Ok, he has an alt account he uses to look at pics and porn, etc. Welcome to men. This is extremely common. But at least he had the decency to put it in a separate IG account b/c he didn’t want to make you feel insecure if you saw the people/pics he followed and liked with his normal IG acct.
If you’re going to date, you need to understand up front that there will always be someone out there more attractive than you, and that your bf will always find other people attractive. The goal in dating is not to be the most attractive person. Monogamy is hard. It’s supposed to be hard. It’s a commitment and a sacrifice you’re making for the person you care about. He doesn’t stay with you because he’s not attracted to anyone else, he stays with you DESPITE the fact that he’s attracted to others.
Does he have a “type”. Maybe? Most people do. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. The issue here isn’t his behavior–it’s yours, for going through his phone–and your insecurities. Work on those instead.
Hes projecting onto you, because hes cheating he assumed you were doing the same