I genuinely don’t remember the last time we had sex. I keep initiating and asking if he wants to have sex, but I’m always getting declined. We use to have sex all the time. I just asked if he wanted to join me in the shower and got declined because of football. Not sure what else to do at this point. I just want to feel like he wants me again.
How can I get him to start having sex with me again? Should I dress more sexier? Should I keep initiating??
TLDR; husband (29M) always declines sex with me (27F). Need suggestions on how to get us back to having sex often.
20 comments
We can not look into your husbands head to tell you what is causing this.
Have a talk with him, tell him how him rejecting you makes you feel. Ask how to work on it and how to solve this problem together.
Trying out stuff will not bring the answer. If you put effort in before knowing what‘s going on it could cause even more hurt.
Save yourself more possible pain and have a heart to heart about it.
Try initiating when he’s not focused on doing something else that he wants to be doing. Like, you’re probably all hot and in love, but football is only on for so many hours on so many days. He’s probably got money or fantasy bragging rights on the line.
It’s possible too that you are a little vanilla and/or predictable in the bedroom sex department. He could be bored with the monotony. Maybe do something that you told him was off limits? Or at least tease him with something that’s off limits to give him hope of something new.
It could be that he’s got some ED issues going on bc of life or medication or whatever.
I mean you could always tell him, “husband, if you do not fuck me on Tue or Wed, I am going to the bar by myself in Thursday while you’re watching football so I can remember what it feels like to be desired again. I’m not saying I’m going to fuck someone. I’m not saying I’m not going to fuck someone. I’m saying that I want you to fuck me bc I miss the feeling of being desired.”
There’s no good football on Tue and Weds and it gives him the option if he happens to be busy one night.
Communicate with him at a time when you aren’t asking him for sex. Sit him down and talk to him properly to get to the root of the problem
Unfortunately no one has a crystal ball to see what is going on with their partner. The only thing you can do is turn off the TV, set the phones down and have a conversation about why he doesn’t want to have sex with you.
There could be a medical issue like depression or anxiety that hinders his libido. He may also be worried or stressed.
His doctor can also look at this testosterone levels and see if that is a cause.
“Hmm, should I talk to my husband and ask him about it or should I ask a bunch of randos on Reddit?
10/10 ask randos on Reddit!”
Does he watch porn? Is he depressed?
Have you asked him directly? It you have, try again?
“Honey, I love you. I want you. I want to be wanted by you. Despite my best efforts, we haven’t had sex in a long time, and I want to help us both feel good about having an active sex life. Why do you think we don’t have a great sex life right now? What can I do differently? What can you commit to doing differently?”
Important to not turn this into a blame game. Approach it as cooperative problem solving.
Good luck, sorry you’re dealing with this.
either go to therapy or legit masturbate so he wants to join
You need to sit down and talk about this. Is he depressed. Is he stressed. His health might be a factor. Is he obese? Does he have diabetes. Does he excersize? Does he have bad body image? Or sexual trauma. He may be asexual. He may have lost attraction to you. He may have porn addiction.
You can try to work on this, see therapists, or doctors. But ultimately this may never change. And you have to decide if you will stay.
Mine never wanted sex. And after 20 years, I left.
Send him to the doctor to check his testosterone levels… low testosterone equals low libido.
That sucks. Going on 23 years married and we still take 99% of our showers together. I’m still a fan of soapy boobs.
He may be getting satisfaction elsewhere.
Loss of interest at home could be affair or too much porn.
Ask him
Out there idea, I know, but, have you tried talking to him about the issue?
Only he can answer you.
I used to be like this with my exes – just got bored when the novelty wore off
If he is declining sex then it’s an issue of him. Nothing you can change or do to change his mind. He can only do that. Tell him to get his sht together, to either see a doctor, a psychologist, or see the door. Stop downing yourself for it
Tell him you’re thinking about leaving him because of it.
I’m dead serious too. He needs to communicate wtf is going on or you really will leave
When your username is literally clickbaitthoughts and your post is this vague it kind of feels fake
Damn, must have some serious stuff going on in his head
You need to talk.