My spouse lied to me and even did the gaslight thing to me about his drinking until I snapped and then he finally said he would quit and again lied to my face about it and I caught him drinking. He never once confessed. He had to be shown the evidence against him to come clean. Our marriage had been rocky, partly because when he drinks he either goes to sleep or becomes abusive, and I let him get away with it for almost 4 years. I was fed up and couldn’t take it anymore when he swore he loved me more than booze and that his stubborn steak would come in handy now and he would not drink again. It was subterfuge and making me out to be the crazy one then lie after lie. Now he is about to start therapy and I still don’t trust him. How does anyone learn to trust their partner again?
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I think it’s perfectly normal not to trust your husband as quickly after all you just shared. He shouldn’t just be given trust. He needs to earn it. He needs to be in therapy consistently and long-term, and he needs to not have been drinking for at least 6 months. Are you willing to wait that long? You also may need to keep in mind that he may not necessarily ever stop drinking (I’m praying that he does). Then there’s also the abuse. This would be enough for me to walk away, but if he is truly committed to improving, then lay some expectations out of the table for him and stick firmly to them.