This is the place to put any shower thoughts, your complaints/rants about dating, ask for quick advice, serious and (sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
This post will be moderated, so if you see something breaking \[our rules\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/rules)), please report it.
16 comments
Was supposed to go on a date with someone last week, but a work thing popped up and they needed to reschedule. Gave them a couple of different days I’d be free, but they never picked one. Ah well, easy come easy go.
After self-reflection on some anxiety I was feeling about dating this recent guy (first date was a week ago, have since seen each other 2 more times and 2 video chats), I decided I was going to broach the subject of exclusivity with him today when I see him again. I was feeling a little nervous, because if he were to say he wasn’t ready, I think my feelings are such that I’d need to step away.
But funnily enough, a comment of his as we were chatting yesterday opened the door for the conversation kind of naturally. We told each other we already weren’t talking to other people, and we mutually decided we want to give this a shot. We explicitly discussed what exclusivity means to each of us so that there was no ambiguity.
One of the things I like most about this dude is he feels no need to “play it cool” or distant or aloof, despite this being kind of early on. He is effusive with the fact that he likes me and why.
We also discussed different preferences we have in serious relationships, logistical things like how sleepovers might work with pets, how we can meet each other’s love languages, etc.
I’m really smitten. It’s still early on, so I am going to try to remain measured, but I think I’ll let myself enjoy what we are building right now. š
Yesterday I found myself hyperventilating and in the middle of what I assume were multiple anxiety attacks. It’s nuts how the end of a relationship, exclusive or not, can knock you to the ground. I hit up my friend and went to her house for a bit, because I was honestly terrified of being home alone (for what ever reason).
I wasn’t able to do any of my chores/errands yesterday, so that’s what I’ll be doing today. I do feel slightly better. I guess yesterday was just an extreme physiological reaction to losing someone. It’s a little embarrassing to admit. My therapy appointment can’t come soon enough.
I believe I have an anxious type of attachment style (not sure exactly) but goes back to my abandonment issues.
I need advice about something specific – my boyfriend and I just recently started a relationship together after dating for about 2 months now.
As things are somewhat still early and fresh, Iām trying to self soothe myself because sometimes I get very co-dependent and centered around my partner when Iām falling in love.
Heās currently away for work trip/vacation (he did invite me but I declined because it conflicts with my upcoming work trip) and I miss him so much itās making me go practically nuts (Iām assuming separation anxiety here).
Usually he texts me every morning, but today I put in the effort because I need to step up. Our texting is pretty light usually which is fine. Iām trying to self soothe at times so Iām not bothering him with constant texts which can come off needy and even maybe annoying, so he can do his own things.
However, I havenāt received anything from him after I sent him multiple texts (3) in which we were talking about political related stuff and I went into my own tangent.
Is it absurd for me to feel triggered by this?
Thanks!
We had probably our best ever [repressed] date this weekend and I was really amused today at work when I suggested via text that my boyfriend could come back with me to my place after we do our next date in his city (going to see a show) and he put “that won’t be a problem”…….
Just deleted Tinder last night. Iāve been off Bumble for a month. And I currently have 3 matches on Hinge, with one of them seeming like a dead-end.
Gonna try and get what active matches I have off the app so I can get rid of my account.
It hasnāt been serving me at all & Iām overdue for a break.
Trying to hit the pause button on things but it’s haaaard. Going on a date with my FWB when I’m back in his town this weekend. Told him to pick somewhere nice because I want to give him the princess treatment. I’m very excited to live out my Splenda mama fantasies lol!
I’m currently away for work. First time ever, it’s a super fancy event. I’m a common girl and am completely and utterly out of my depth. So trying not to freak out. I have a few presentations and workshops to run, so feeling super nervous.
I have been dating this guy and he moved so fast. I now realised I was love bombed to shit.
Anyway, spent all Saturday with him, it was amazing. I felt so happy for once and that things were starting to look up in my dating life (as I’m currently going through a divorce and I have 2 kids)
I got a message last night while from him saying: “it’s all moving too fast, he wants to work on himself. I’m awesome but the timing isn’t right, blah blah blah”
This has absolutely destroyed what little self confidence I have left. I’m now in a foreign country, trying to keep my head above water with all my work stuff. Ahh. I had a mini panic attack earlier. Haven’t eaten all day. I just feel so used and stupid for falling for the same shit over and over again.
This is now thrown me off my work event, I’ve been looking forward to for months. That I have spent 15 years working so hard – weekends, late nights, etc, to get to the position I’m in now. All to be overshadowed by some fucking douche bag because he rushed in.
Is it just me, or are Hingeās prompts terrible? They just seem to lend themselves to men typing two random words in each and calling it a day.
How am I supposed to know whoās worth swiping on if every profile says their biggest flex is folding a fitted sheet? š
Also, I got unmatched today because I refused to give my number to a guy who wasnāt even answering my questions, let alone asking to meet in person. UGH.
I found out the hard way that a guy Iāve been casually seeing is in the closet. His roommate unexpectedly stopped by while we were just hanging out and he freaked out about how they might think heās not straight (because we were watching sports together? REALLY?), insisted I make up a story about how we know each other, and then immediately wanted to backtrack and pretend it was no big deal once the roommate was gone again. There were 0 signs before this that he was anything but cool with his identity.
Itās 2023 and I live in an extremely accepting area, so if youāre a man in your 30s and youāve trapped yourself in the closet it means you never grew up and dealt with the personal growing pains you shouldāve figured out as a teen. How can you reach your 30s and still be this repressed and emotionally immature??
Been dating this woman for 5 months, officially in a relationship for 2 months, and we’re both wicked in love with each other. About to the point that I don’t really qualify for this subreddit, ha.
One update: she has stereotypical Chinese tiger parents, and has said her parents definitely wouldn’t approve of me, for many reasons (although there’s many other things about her life her parents don’t approve of…it’s a complicated relationship). But laying in bed after making love last night, she randomly blurted out “After we’ve been together after a year, I’ll tell my parents about you. They won’t be able to complain as much if it’s an established thing.” Which seems like…a good sign?
I feel like Iām going crazy.
Been doing some thinking after [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/83miXXOGO0) text. Iāve only been on one date my whole life. No relationships, no sex, no cuffing season, no Valentineās Day. No milestones, no nothing. Lots of situationships though.
Done therapy off and on since college and have never gotten to why I canāt attract something a little more committed (I assume thereās a subconscious reason, anyway). I never thought I was a bad person but fairly independent so that might be it, to a certain extent? I donāt feel like I need a man but I want oneā¦ but since Iāve never had one, I know I can be comfortable without one. And when they show flags I just shut down and struggle with communicating after that. Iām admittedly not the best communicator but I figure it would be easier with people who actually want to be with meā¦ and everyone deserves to feel wanted and loved at some point in their lives. I also worry my lack of experience is hurting me.
I donāt know what the point of this rant is but dating is frustrating and I have no clue what Iām doing or where I went wrong lol. Definitely keeping with my ātemporarily permanentlyā not dating thing while I figure out what my problem is. It might be awhile.
Update [on this](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/MIka9rkmGf) and [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/9ftpyHuia2).
Decided not to text him because I didnāt have the mental energy to do so, and he did not hit me up last night as he usually does when heās finally off.
I guess I wonāt be hearing from him againā¦
I deleted his number so I donāt text him in a moment of weakness…
It sucks because I think I could have really liked him, and I had not felt that way in a while. But I guess we didnāt want the same thingā¦ nor have the same level of respect for people. Ghosting after multiple dates and sex isnāt cool. Just send a freaking text saying you donāt think itās going anywhere or whateverā¦
Trying to be kind to myself, itās definitely not the end of the world, I can see how much progress Iāve made thanks to therapy etc, but right now I just donāt feel great.
(And definitely taking a few weeks break from dating)
Edited to add: thank you for the comments on the previous post, this community is pretty fantastic!
FWB realized last night that his house is only a 20 minute walk from the house I just bought. so he called me and said he was just “out for an evening stroll” and ended up ringing my doorbell, surprising the hell out of me! It was a really sweet gesture, and unexpected. I’m really inclined to texting and calling- keeping in contact throughout the day via phone, and he views his phone as more of a business/ work device. So he’d come over to make the extra effort to show that he was thinking of me, which was unnecessary but very welcome. This has been the most respectful, kind, and generous relationship of my life and I have absolutely no regrets.
Never posted here, not even sure if this is the right place to post this – but just feel I need to vent since as a male it can be tough to find an outlet for these kinds of thoughts.
Was told last night by a someone (F27) who I was really interested in that “her heart wasn’t in it” and although she thought I was an amazing guy and that we had a TON in common (more in common than any girl I’ve probably ever met tbh) she just didn’t want to continue because she wasn’t emotionally invested in a way that she needed to be. We’ve been on 8 or 9 dates over the past month that went amazing and we just hung out the day prior (where she met some of my friends and I met more of hers), so I was a bit blindsided and to be honest – cried. I completely understand though, she got out of a serious relationship 5 months prior and is going through a ton of change in her life right now and I was her first ‘Internet Date’ & I think she’s just being 27 and still figuring life out. I totally get it, but it still just really hurts since I felt I finally found someone who was REALLY excited to be around where everything (conversations, music, interests, friends, future plans, sex) went so well.
For context I’m a 31 year old male who has been single for about 2 years (last relationship lasted 8 months, before that I got my heart broken from my college GF years prior and was afraid to date). I get dates pretty easily due to being pretty funny and a good looking guy, but I suppose I’m just really down on this whole process. I don’t mind going on dates or putting myself out there, and I actually think I’m pretty good at them (at least the 1st date) – but it just seems like every girl I open up to just doesn’t end up sticking around for different reasons.
The first dates always go SO well, and we usually quickly make plans to see each other again – after the 2nd date though things seem to never be consistent.
I used to not really care about relationships in my mid twenties to around recently, but over the past year or so I am ready to find someone who I can share experiences with. There have been two girls over the past 6 months where I felt that connection but then it just ends abruptly and I have to start all over which is just so exhausting and tbh makes me depressed when previously it didn’t.
I know you have to date around to eventually find the right one, but damn it’s so disheartening when you go on 10 first dates, 9 second dates, a handful of 4th’s, etc. – then FINALLY when you feel things are starting to ‘click’ and you feel excited to spend time with someone it abruptly ends….and you’re back to square one, tired and drained.
Should I step away from dating for a bit? I’ve probably been on 10 first dates over the past 2-3 months.
Should I try to get back out there while I’m still in a ‘groove’?
For the first time I don’t know what I should do next, and typically I do. This feeling of being sad about my current dating situation is very new to me, and has been heavy for me to navigate as of late.
I was out on drinks for Halloween and I saw a women with light up sneakers that were part of her costume I guess, I thought she looked really cute, so I told her that her sneakers were the best thing I saw all evening. She smiled and said thanks, I walked back to my friends. After some time I thought I need to at least try and ask her for her number because I kept thinking about her. So I gathered my courage, walked to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around, looked at me and instantly walked away. I didn’t even get the chance to say one word. I guess I’m not the most handsome dude in the world but I’m definitely not that ugly. Oh well, at least I actually tried.