Like the title says, I (38m) asked a coworker (35f) out on a date via messenger (I know, fucking lame, but I never really get a chance to be alone with her to ask her out because of how our schedules line up). She saw the message, but never replied, I didn’t take it personally, I just figured she wasn’t interested and decided not to press the matter further. Since then, this was about 3 weeks ago mind you, she’s been totally cool with me and joking around and talking to me like nothing happened. Again, this is all fine, I’m cool with her either way. I guess my question is, why hasn’t she said anything or began acting differently towards me? Not that I want her to, I’m just insanely curious and looking for any opinions or insight you all might have. Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk.
17 comments
Because she’s a mature adult who knows how to move forward from a potentially awkward situation, and do her part to not make it awkward/keep things professional.
Could be many reasons…..
My best guess is that she is actually interested but didn’t have the guts to reply yes to the invite.
Sounds to me like she isn’t interested and moved forward in the kindest and least awkward way possible.
Since she didn’t actually answer you, but she’s being friendly with you at work, then take that as her effort to not make this weird.
Return the friendly energy she’s giving, and don’t ask her out again.
This is why I don’t shit where I eat. I thought this was a golden rule?
It seems like she doesn’t like you that way or is unsure if she could trust you. Ignore her for a while, stick to greetings, no small talk, and make sure that she sees you interacting with other women so you don’t give off the desperate or can’t get another girl vibe. Maybe she’ll come around, maybe she won’t, but at least you won’t be laser focused on one girl anymore
I wouldn’t press it further man.
I think she is feeling you out. Determining if you’re legit or putting on a show.
If you’re legit interested in her I say you should maintain the flow. Give what you get from her.
You should have NO EXPECTATIONS at this point. Just be chill.
If she is interested in you, she WILL hint. But be real and authentic. Women get advances on a regular basis. I mean, they are amazing right? They are worth it.
But if you see flakeyness, dip out and find a better woman.
Have you ever hung out, outside work, just as coworkers? Have you ever been to lunch to talk shop? Did you go straight into a date with your coworker? If so, that’s super awkward.
I agree it’s rarely a good idea to date coworkers. If you must, and there is a real connection, then ok. But it sounds like there was no connection, or even a mild friendship.
No fishing from the company dock- ever.
I think you shot your shot, nothing to feel bad about. At worst it seems she’s receptive to friendship, so it’s up to you whether you think that’s enough. Maybe you’ll get another chance, maybe (probably) not, just keep being someone she’s fond of, even if she doesn’t want to date you.
Maybe she’s not interested or she can’t remember
Ask her a different work related question and see if she replies to that question.
If she does you know she saw it and never bring it up again. If she hasn’t seen it she will say something.
Dont date coworkers
It’s hard to truly know why she hasn’t responded or mentioned it. The silence could be an answer, she may not know how to possibly respond to that, or she’d prefer someone who is confident enough to ask in person. You obviously don’t want to create a toxic and/or uncomfortable work environment for anyone involved.
You both are grown-ups, so if you do not think it will create a weird situation – you could talk about it with her. You could say – “Hey, I wanted to say sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable in any way with Messenger. I assumed the silence meant you were not interested, so I just wanted to let you know I will always respect that.” Another option is to ask if she wants to get coffee with you before work one day. Either way, you’ll have an answer. She’ll say she is interested or she will confirm she’d like to keep it professional.
If there’s potential that bringing it up in person can create a weird vibe at work or any reason for her to go to HR, don’t push it and move on. I personally don’t like to date anyone from work because it could create an uncomfortable space, but many people meet their significant others from work. To each their own! Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
I really couldn’t tell you but I think women experience this constantly (I’m a guy so idk 🤷♂️) to essentially smooth the waters.
Better not to make it worse and actually deal with it and pretend it just didn’t happen.
If it’s cool like this then why mess up a good thing than by bringing out cringeworthy and awkward content?
I kinda see it like that but if she just think a friendship is better implied then I assume that she’s just leaving this option of F R I E ND S h i P remaining open.
Sort of reminds me of Musiq Soulchild in “Halfcrazy”. Only it’s the what-if of a regrettable pursuit and a longing of “just wanting my friend back”.
She’s looking the other way because dating co-workers is a bad idea. Unless you guys stop being coworkers don’t ever bring it up again.