I (M24) wanted a relationship &’ she (F25) wanted a friendship. I told her that it would be unhealthy of me to remain friends whilst having strong feelings for her. That she deserved friends who will actually be her friend not someone who will pretend while hoping for more. I basically said we wanted different things &’ it wasn’t going to work, no resentment from my side &’ that I hope she does well for herself. I believe she wasn’t expecting that response &’ I hurt her. Did I do the right thing, should I have sugar coated it more, or was I in the wrong completely?
10 comments
You did what most men should do in that case.
And ladies, if you are attractive and have male “friends” just know they would fcuk you at a moments notice and are simply waiting in the wings to hopefully have that chance.
It hurt her because by being able to walk away it indicates that you never cared about her, never really were a friend, and only saw her as something you wanted. You didn’t get what you wanted so you lost all interest which makes her fey as if she had no value as anything other than a GF. Did you do the right thing? Only you can decide that. But I’m telling you the message you sent. You were only her friend to see if you could get more and if you continue to pretend to be her friend it will still only be to see if you get more. That’s not friendship my dude. You were only pretending.
It is absolutely true that having strong feelings for someone who doesn’t reciprocate them can be hard.
That doesn’t mean you don’t value them as a friend. It means other things are going on that also matter. Continuing to spend time around that person while you actively feel unrequited interest may well not be in your best interest, even and likely especially when you value her as a friend and person.
It’s possible that she experiences this as you not valuing her friendship, and that is why she is experiencing distress. It is also possible that she feels like she is losing a friend, and that’s hard.
Stepping away is probably smart.
You did the right thing, I tried being friends with a person who I had strong feelings for but never reciprocated.
It really damaged me mentally, I couldn’t move on to other people and it hurt me greatly whenever I saw her dating/hooking up with other guys.
It’s sucks but if a friendship is causing you pain, even if it’s unintentional the healthy thing for you to do is take a step back
No, you did the right thing. The mature thing. Yes, she has the right to feel upset but, it’s completely irrational to try & be “friends” at this point for either of you.
I.e. : only if you stick to your word & follow through with your decision.
Round of applause to you!!! That’s mad commendable of you to not waste your valuable sex on someone who does not want all of you. She can have casual sex all she want too but why waste that time when ya’ll could have been doing both, like building love and a great sex life.
The same way how she wants to stay friends and you have to respect that, she also has to respect that you don’t want just a friendship. Staying true to YOU, will help you get to the woman that does want all that you do. Trust!
Oh gawd, I hate this kind of juvenile response. “I can’t have what I want from you so I won’t speak to you at all”. This kind of attitude does nothing to help your chances of a future with her and it makes you look petty.
Sometimes, you gotta put your time in the friend zone in, so you can have a foundation for being more than friends.
Yeah, you made the right decision here. Can always revisit friendship 10-20 years later if you decide to. Your feelings will cause problems best to keep distance here than cause emotional strain.
You did the right thing. It’s better for you to move on. This woman should see that. Good luck to you.
You did the right thing.