please how do i get over my girlfriends sexual past?
i (m21) can not get over my girlfriends (f20) sexual past. i’ve only had sex with 4 girls my whole life. it’s not that i didn’t want to sleep with more or have some moral high ground stance on sex. when my girlfriend was a teenager she was abused by her dad. she said that she would sleep around to seek validation during this period. i don’t know the exact number and i don’t want to know but apparently it’s a lot. i seriously don’t want to be bothered by this because i love her a lot and she’s so perfect to me. i don’t necessarily see her past as wrong and she’s her own person and can make her own choices. i talked to her how it makes me uncomfortable and she tried reassuring me that none of that matters anymore because we’re together now. she says i’m the best she’s ever had. i’ve accepted the situation myself and i don’t think of her in any ill way. i want to get over it so we can continue our relationship like usual but it just keeps repeating in my head. it sucks because a lot of the people she’s slept with i personally know. it’s people that i sometimes have to be around. i think of it in such an unhealthy amount. for the past week it’s literally all i’ve thought about. no amount of reassurance by her has helped me. i told her yesterday that we shouldn’t talk about it anymore and that i need to put my big boy pants on and get the fuck over it. i have had anxiety 24/7 over the situation. yesterday i had a panic attack. i’ve had completely unreasonable thoughts in my head that i can’t control. i was at the store the other day. when i was walking around i couldn’t stop imagining random people i was walking past sleeping with her. the situation has worn me out to no avail. it’s sucks because she’s literally the girl of my dreams and i can’t lose her over something stupid like this. the thoughts that i have about it are intrusive and i can’t control it.
tl;dr – i’ve had unhealthy thoughts about my girlfriends past for no apparent reason and want to get over it.
5 comments
You either do or you don’t. You’re either a man about it or your not. You either love a person or you don’t. There is no in between. Make a decision.
If you can’t manage it yourself, there’s no shame in getting help. Do you have access to any mental health workers? Sometimes a few mental exercises every time you start to obsess can do wonders.
Keep in mind is that there is definitely a difference when you are having sex with someone that you intimately care about and love. Most people find that intimate connected sex is far more enjoyable and fulfilling. That is something special and unique that you are sharing with your girlfriend.
Double standard for men and women is crazy. Women can fuck whoever they want and as many as they want. It’s not like they become tainted meat or are unholy in the eyes of god. Do you not like that she slept with a lot of people or are you embarrassed but the fact that other men have slept with your gf? Because both of those point or pointless if you are in love with this girl. Just because someone told you it’s bad for women to sleep with a lot of guys doesn’t mean it’s true, that’s just like your opinion man. Either way good luck dude we love you❤️
Here’s where I lose karma points.
Reasons you don’t get serious with a partner with a high body count:
1 – they like casual meaningless sex with strangers A LOT or the wouldn’t have a high count.
2 – they can get it ANY TIME THEY WANT IT.
Sure, she loves you now and you are her best ever. Can you keep that going? Can you stay perfect forever? Because after your first fight and she goes storming out the door, you know the first thing that will come to mind, right? Ir you go through a rough patch and she gets distant, you know where your mind will go, right?
If you want to stay with her, you’d better treat her like a queen 24-7. And even then, you need to read her mind to be sure she’s happy. Because remember, she’s already missing that casual sex with strangers. You’ve become vanilla to her and she knows a place that serves 50 flavors.